The Crazy is Out There
If you visit Larry Klayman’s Freedom Watch website, you’ll find the usual complaints about “a new Obama-Clinton regime that is using the economic crisis as an excuse to turn our nation into a socialist Euro-style welfare state,” the usual proclamation of “true American values,” the usual anti-immigration paranoia.
What you won’t find is Klayman’s certainty that the government is covering up UFO evidence.
Which wouldn’t be news, except that wingnut digest and teabagger enabler WorldNetDaily made that its top story Sunday. And Klayman’s claim to fame is founding Bubba-stalker Judicial Watch.
Upon which everything suddenly makes sense. It’s like discovering that the Smoking Man is Mulder’s father.
Klayman posted his announcement in the Freedom Watch May newsletter, which we can’t find online. But WND reports he has filed FOIA requests with the CIA, DIA, DoD, NSA and the Air Force, so their staffs can waste government time instead of waterboarding taxi drivers.
“Have the tens of thousands of documented sightings over the years been the result of a collective psychosis, a self-delusionary fabrication of the mind, or is there something more to these incidents?” asks the report.
We vote B, but the real answer is C — there’s more to the story than a silly request ten years beyond its faddish relevance.
And that’s because UFOs are really…
WND works the fundie side of Wingnut Avenue, you see — they’re hardcore supporters of Israel because the Lord’s in a rush to launch Armageddon.
And what ties everything together is a link from their story to a DVD they’re offering: The UFO Conspiracy: Space Travelers or Demonic Deceivers?, which “reveals the hidden truth about UFOs and the beings who operate them.”
No, not Martians. Just so we’re clear, WND also links to its own 2007 story about a series of mysterious electrical fires in Sicily, which quotes a “Vatican expert” saying “it is normal for domestic appliances to be involved and for demons [to] make their presence known via electricity.”
Thus: the government is withholding evidence of UFOs because they would prove the existence of demons, which in turn would prove the existence of God.
Honestly, some days we’re left wondering how these people are able to feed and clothe themselves. But it would be a great question to ask all Republican candidates for higher office: “Governor Jindal, do you believe UFOs are the work of the Devil?”
UFO scoop demanded of CIA, military [WND]
Sigh. Like a priest knows anything about electrical fires. They should stick to what they know, altar boys… I mean, they should stick to the bible.
The usual cause of electrical fires is:
a) Poor quality electrical equipment
b) Human stupidity
Usually it is a combination a) & b) with b) playing the biggest role because they purchased a) or pushed a) beyond it’s capacity.
I have had my suspicions about my De Longhi toaster – it doesn’t do bagels very well. Now I know why – it’s haunted. Maybe an Oster next time.
@blogenfreude: My microwave abruptly quit working last week, which I recognized immediately as the work of Satan.
TJ/ Fragging in Iraq. Five U.S. troops killed at a counseling center by a fellow soldier.
So sad. My prayers are with their families.
from mistress cyn’s screen spitter right to lefty’s tragic T/J.
gee, ya think maybe if one is in need of counselling, they shouldn’t be armed???
Isn’t the main problem with that hypothesis the fact that the confirmed existence of extraterrestrial life would disprove virtually all of the world’s religious creation myths? Denial can only carry people so far.
If anything, the gummit would have to cover up the existence of ET to prevent the widespread panic that would occur from 5 1/2 billion people suddenly having their religious beliefs invalidated.
Or maybe not. I’m suddenly reminded of Rob Lowe’s memorable line from Contact: “We don’t even know if these aliens believe in Gawd!”
P.S. Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.
@Original Andrew: Denial can only carry people so far.
Surprise! Some people go all the way. Lying eyes and all that.
In fact, I saw an example of that last fall, on a Talibunny blog when some uncomfortable news emerged: Everyone there immediately redefined the facts to make them fit their outlook. It was truly stunning.
But here’s the missing piece of the inherent logic: Why would the existence of demons prove the existence of God? Grant them everything, right down to the Devil in your toaster — all that follows is that the Devil exists.
It’s an interesting theory, what do they call that? A negative confirmation? A false epiphany?
I first ran into that view about 10 years ago watching that excellent British teevee series, Ultraviolet, in which the existence of Code V–as in Roman numeral five–(vampires) was the evidence that convinced a priest that Gawd did, in fact, exist.
As a southern boy, I can tell you that the rules are waaaayyyy easier IRL: If something good happens (ex. your team wins the big game, the mail gets delivered on time) then it was Jeebus. When something bad happens, no matter how trivial, it was Say-tan!
UPDATE & example: Apparently Miss California is now blaming that bitch, Perez Hilton’s, question on Beelzebub Himself. Who knew the first evil had such an intense interest in the outcome of a beauty pageant? Though I guess that should seem self-evident given the unholy amount of shaving and waxing pain involved.
Hey any Deadhead Stinquers (or attn: Mr. Cynica & Rat Bastard/Mr. Baked) – the Dead are touring out here, and they are going to do a live studio show at a local radio station in about five minutes – streaming audio at http://www.kfog.com
@SanFranLefty: Mr Cyn is actually on his way back from the Shoreline concert.
@Mistress Cynica: Mr. SFL wouldn’t go, even with a coworker of mine who had an extra reserve ticket. Said coworker said it was a great show – tight playing, none of the sloppiness of the ’80s and ’90s. Could be that none of them were on heroin last night.
Tell Mr. Cyn to drive safely – I-5 is such a dull highway, it’s easy to suddenly be going 95 mph and/or fall asleep.
@Mistress Cynica, leftoverture: The RMLs are going to Green Day in Denver in August.
@SanFranLefty: The ones still alive are all clean, I think. Mr Cyn got in about an hour ago, fell on the couch and went straight to sleep.
@SanFranLefty: One of the reasons RW-ers give for arming everyone in US America is that a random mass shooter would obviously not try anything where people were armed. Here, the shooter was disarmed earlier, then he apparently grabbed a weapon from his escort then shoots up the place. It’s my understanding that everyone on base walks around armed, but with unloaded weapons. They carry their magazines (not ‘clips”) with them for fast loading. No deterrent here for that guy, however. So much for the theory.
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