We were wondering when Dick would crawl out from under his secure & undisclosed rock:

[W]e are at war and when President Obama pretends we aren’t, it makes us less safe,” Cheney said in a statement to POLITICO. “Why doesn’t he want to admit we’re at war? It doesn’t fit with the view of the world he brought with him to the Oval Office. It doesn’t fit with what seems to be the goal of his presidency — social transformation — the restructuring of American society.”

But we have to give the prize to “former Romney spokesman Kevin Madden”, who despite being completely unknown, managed to get onto CNN this morning to drop this whopper:

You have to also remember the fact that the president being on vacation in Hawaii, it’s much different than being in Texas. Hawaii to many Americans seems like a foreign place.

Actually, Texas seems quite foreign to us. But if you’re keeping score, the Sarah Palin Hawaiian Yellow Peril meme is taking hold.

Dick Cheney: Barack Obama ‘trying to pretend’ [Politico]

Madden defends GOP’s hypocritical attacks: Obama’s in Hawaii, which ’seems like a foreign place.’ [ThinkProgress]

It’s either that, or fly naked.

Debate Over Full-Body Scans vs. Invasion of Privacy Flares Anew After Incident [NYT]

It’s guest columnist day! We’ve invited Andy Martin, famed originator of the Obama Muslim rumor, to dish on his Illinois opponent.

I’m Andy Martin, Republican candidate for United States Senator. I approved this message because Illinois Republicans deserve the truth about their candidates.

I have over forty years of experience and integrity fighting corruption, and fighting for the truth in politics.

I helped expose many of Barack Obama’s lies in 2008.

Today, I am fighting for the facts about Mark Kirk. Illinois Republican leader Jack Roeser says there is a “solid rumor that Kirk is a homosexual.”  Roeser suggests that Kirk is part of a Republican Party homosexual club. Lake County Illinois Republican leader Ray True says Kirk has surrounded himself with homosexuals.

Mark Kirk should tell Republican voters the truth.

I’m Andy Martin, a Republican you can trust for U.S. Senator.

Transcript from the Political Ad [WBBM, via Raw Story]

Karl Rove can’t even keep his personal permanent majority together — he’s been granted a divorce from his 24-year marriage in “no-fault” Texas.

“Karl Rove and his wife, Darby, were granted a divorce last week,” said [“family spokeswoman” Dana] Perino. “The couple came to the decision mutually and amicably, and they maintain a close relationship and a strong friendship. There will be no further comment, and the family requests that its privacy be respected.”

Why yes, Karl’s a Defender of Marriage. Why do you ask?

Karl Rove granted divorce in Texas [Politico]

Rove: Champion of “traditional” divorce [Greenwald]

Our guest columnist this morning is Charles Lincoln, former legal assistant to Orly Taitz. Not only did he help Orly with her filings, it appears he helped her with her drawers.

I do not think for two nano-seconds that what has happened between Orly and me is merely a “falling out.”…

Honest and righteous people can, from time-to-time, fall in love across “normative” boundaries of marriage and family. It was my belief that Orly and I were such people and I begged her to “come clean” and openly admit what had happened. My feelings for her were always entirely honorable. My intentions were always honorable. I was committed to her. She said she was committed to me.

Perhaps we should have ended up like (ironically) that famed French Socialist President Mitterand, mourned at his funeral by his wife and mistress crying on each other’s shoulders. I don’t know. I would have rather Orly left her husband because it would have been a clean break, and it would have accurately reflected how much we had in common and how much work we had to do on the mortgage front as well as the political front — fighting socialism’s highest ranking symbol (the President)…

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We don’t hand out Crystal Douchebags lightly. The awesome mystery of our most prestigious award is not just who will win, but whether anybody deserves the honor in a given year. Two-time Golden Anal Pear winner Joe Lieberman is an audience favorite, but are we letting recent events color our judgment? Sarah Palin seemingly has no achievement to speak of — besides losing and quitting — yet even her tweets command close attention. And what about Rush Limbaugh? He has no official power, and never will. Is he even worthy of consideration?

And the winner is…

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So many assholes, so little time. Joe Lieberman and Sarah Palin share the distinction of being two-time finalists for our highest annual honor, this year for their stellar work undermining healthcare reform. Last year’s Crystal Douchebag winner Dick Cheney should have been retired from the Stinque Awards, but like a quarterback who can’t quit, he kept trying to relive past fearmongering glory. Future Crystal Douchebag nominee John McCain continued to make his past indiscretions a mere footnote to his present assholery. And newcomer Joe Wilson made the finals with just two words — a stunning achievement in rectal efficiency.

And the winner is…

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