We’ve long since packed away our Na’vi gags in the Stinque Storage Unit, and really, there’s no point riffing on the Inevitable:

The ultimate alien fantasy has landed. The new Fleshlight Alien is an unworldly experience that will abduct your penis and send it spiraling through in a real milky way! Use the Alien Fleshlight while watching Hustler’s new 3D epic, “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” for the ultimate in E.T. ecstasy.

We must be out of the loop, since “This Ain’t…” seems to be a popular series of Hustler videos, including This Ain’t Glee XXX, This Ain’t I Dream of Jeannie XXX, and… and… this can’t be right…

This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX.

We don’t know about you, but the thought of Larry David, Jeff Garlin and Richard Lewis in a three-way kinda eliminates the need for a Fleshlight.

Alien Fleshlight [Oh so NSFW, via The Nerdist]

“The Leader and the Speaker have established their integrity and their mendacity for years in this Congress, and I don’t believe it can be effectively challenged.” [TPM]

“Truckloads of Four Loko and other alcohol-laced energy drinks are being recycled into ethanol and other products after federal authorities told manufacturers the beverages were dangerous and caused users to become ‘wide-awake drunk.'” [AP, via Weigel]

We really don’t care either way about Yet Another Daley occupying the national stage — it’s not like Yet Another Quayle — but we’re getting somewhat annoyed with remarks like this, demonstrated for us by Marc Ambinder:

Choosing Daley, a well-respected Washington-and-Chicago figure, is a further signal that Obama ties the fate of his presidency to the fate of the economy and recognizes that his relationship with Congress will be much less helpful than a better rapport with the nation’s employers and job creators.

It’s long been remarked that reporters don’t know shit about economics, and as a former adept of that Evil Cult, we must include ourself among the Congenitally Clueless.

But as little as we know, we do know this:

Employers don’t create jobs. People who buy shit create jobs.

Read more »

[NBC Miami]

So, now that we’re set to embark upon The Most Constitutional Congress in Six Thousand Years of World History, what’s the first thing that happens?

House Rules Chairman David Dreier (R-Calif.) abruptly adjourned a hearing on a GOP health care repeal bill Thursday after he became aware that Rep. Pete Sessions was not sworn in as a Member of the 112th Congress, committee spokeswoman Jo Maney said.

No, the Chief Justice wasn’t at the scene of the crime — Pete wasn’t in the room when everybody sweared fealty to teabaggers yesterday.

But wait, it gets better: Civilian Pete “offered the motion to constitute the Rules Committee,” which was duly passed, and is now duly canceled. And with no Rules Committee, there’s no Obamacare Repeal bill. Oh, there aren’t any House rules, either.

Read more »

“When Rep. Frank Pallone (D-N.J.) read the part of Article II, Section 1 mandating that only a ‘natural-born citizen’ may be president, the woman, seated in the front row of the public gallery, screamed ‘Except Obama, except Obama. Help us Jesus.'” [Politico]