Blue Balls

We’ve long since packed away our Na’vi gags in the Stinque Storage Unit, and really, there’s no point riffing on the Inevitable:

The ultimate alien fantasy has landed. The new Fleshlight Alien is an unworldly experience that will abduct your penis and send it spiraling through in a real milky way! Use the Alien Fleshlight while watching Hustler’s new 3D epic, “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” for the ultimate in E.T. ecstasy.

We must be out of the loop, since “This Ain’t…” seems to be a popular series of Hustler videos, including This Ain’t Glee XXX, This Ain’t I Dream of Jeannie XXX, and… and… this can’t be right…

This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX.

We don’t know about you, but the thought of Larry David, Jeff Garlin and Richard Lewis in a three-way kinda eliminates the need for a Fleshlight.

Alien Fleshlight [Oh so NSFW, via The Nerdist]


From what I remember of Dances With Smurf Aliens is that it was plugging hair into head holes not blue vajayjay.

Oh well, that’s the SF nerd within me.

Going to be a lot of awkward questions for lonely Avatards if that thing sheds blue paint.

So do they also make one shaped like a chicken’s hoo ha? ’cause honestly… I don’t see the attraction.

I’m watching a crazy program about Joan Crawford that interviews Christina Crawford and Casey —, her grandson through one of the twins. The grandson defends Crawford, saying that his mom and her twin sister never experienced anything like Christina alleges. He’s mostly undermining Christina’s allegations. But then he admits that Joan insisted on cleanliness and order in the house based on his memory of her as a 5 year old. He thinks she may have been OCD. So I hear this and think, “ok, but if you notice something off as a 5 year old, it was probably actually worse than you think.” Right?

Now, here’s where the grandson loses me. He admitted that Christopher was strapped to the bed as a child until he was sent to boarding school in second grade. He defends this (!!) by saying child rearing was different in the 40s and that she did what she needed to do because Christopher kept running away. WTF??


OT: Can someone please do an expose on the incompetence of Tim Kaine as head of the DNC?

He fucking blew the November election campaign yet, inexplicably, he remains as chair.

Yesterday, when I finally got a replacement driver’s license, I changed my voter registration from Dumbocrat to “unaffiliated.”

What’s worse? This LOLJAMESCAMERONISADICK thing or The Vamp? NSFW!!!

Twilight Vamp Dildo Description

We promise this Vamp won’t be the only thing coming for you in the night!

* Realistic dildo in a deathly pale flesh tone for those that fantasize about being tantalized by the forbidden
* Well endowed head for erotic penetration and satisfying shaft texturized with subtle veining for a spellbinding experience
* Large base makes it easier to hold, perfect for “O” ring harnesses, and great for use on flat surfaces
* Don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle
* Mfg in the USA of 100% ultra-premium silicone
* Retains hot and cold temperature; toss it in the fridge or warm under hot water for an authentic experience

Sold out due to high demand from these chicks.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: Probably because no one else wants the job.

It’s kinda the same thing in Arizona. Everyone’s dissatisfied with the guy who has been chair for the last 4 years but no one but the patsy who ran against McCain was willing to run. That guy isn’t considered a viable candidate because he wouldn’t put in enough of his money to run a competitive race so there’s no reason to believe he could contribute/raise enough for the state party. Finally, this week another candidate came forward but he’s got issues too. A couple of weeks ago, he announced he was starting a non-partisan kumbaya organization called “No Labels”. And yet he wants to also head a state party? This is what is so fucking wrong with the Democrats.

@JNOV: OMG, Twilight moms. They are the worst. I had to work with one on a Girl Scout fundraiser. All she talked about was Twilight and how she was neighbors with Stephanie Meyer, which meant she could get her to autograph books. Turns out that didn’t happen so all we had to put up with was for naught. If I never hear the phrase “New Moon” again, it will be too soon.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I’m surprised TCOJCOLDS hasn’t put the kibosh on Meyer. As long as she pays her tithing…

Deseret Book (Deseret is a language, y’all) pulled her books from the shelves, but you could special order them.

Paging Lefty …

Is this your new mayor?

@JNOV: Oh yeah, as long as the money keeps coming in, they won’t say or do a thing. In fairness, though, I think you could say that about any religion.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Yeah, but the Mormon Muffin/ Men on a Mission guy (Chad Hardy) got expelled his YBU? degree yanked and was exed.

@Serolf Divad:

I’m sure these guys [NSFW – fuck, not safe for SANE PEOPLE] could probably sort something chickenish out.

On a more serious note, breaking news:

U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona was shot outside a grocery store in Tucson

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