Steve King: Republican of Iowa, Oracle of Truth

Here’s a first. Someone dumber than Mike Lee.

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: How is that possible? Even sea sponges have a glimmer of intelligence.

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: Back in my Classical Jock days, I once described an esteemed conductor as “erstwhile”. The station director immediately called to ask whether he had retired.

TJ: National Enquirer reporting that Johnny from the Milllll is engaged to Alien Chick.

Given their accurate track record with other Edwards-related stories, I’m giving them more than a grain of salt.

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: I thought you were going to comfort Johnny.

@SanFranLefty: He has been. “Rielle Hunter” is perhaps the best, most fully-realized drag persona in years. Even I am in awe of the sheer skill and manual dexterity involved.

Kudos to you, Benedick.

@SanFranLefty: No, I can’t believe that he would show such disrespect for Elizabeth’s memory.

@SanFranLefty: Adventures in Parsing:

During a brief conversation with The Daily Beast, a family spokeswoman said of the report of the upcoming nuptials, “I can tell you that it’s not true.”

When I saw that this morning, I thought there’s a distinct difference between engagement and scheduling the wedding. The Enquirer may be stating a different fact than the family is denying.

@Dodgerblue: You are adorable.

@Mistress Cynica: Oh c’mon. A man with a boner is capable of any kind of idiocy, but to get engaged takes at least a moment of actual thought. No?

@SanFranLefty: Breaking: Harbaugh picks Niners. SF residents begin a week-long drunk.

@Dodgerblue: She’s got a tape of her, him and a donkey, converted it to an MPEG file and uploaded it to 1200 webservers. She emailed 600 of the URLs to him with the address where the driver could come with the engagement ring an hour after Elizabeth’s deaths hit the papers.

@Mistress Cynica: Did you and I discuss Elizabeth’s will yet? Because after it was released, I loved that woman even more. And as I predicted, she named Cate to be the kids’ guardian if something happened to John.

@Dodgerblue: Shit. I guess this means I have to cheer for the 49ers? I was raised to cheer for the Rams, the Cowboys, and the Oilers (in that order), this will mix things up.

Oh, and I echo Cynica. C’mon, this is Johnny from the Mill we’re talking about. He asked Alien Chick to marry him a couple years ago, when they were planning on having DMB play on the White House lawn.

@Dodgerblue: Hahahahahahahaha!! Are you sure you’re a guy?

@Dodgerblue: Dude, I was engaged to a woman. Which should clear up that whole men/engagment/thinking thing for you.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: That sounds like a story for the sandbox.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: She broke off the engagement? Her loss.

@mellbell: One day, perhaps. If I can ever figure out how the damn thing works.

It continues to elude me.

Aww, look what Jim did! (Why didn’t he ever join the exodus anyway? Did he want to get paid or something?)

His list falls short even of the hot-for-DC standard and is actually rather eye-searing in places, especially that blimp from Texas in the ducky pajamas (activate brain bleach). But what wonders of congresscritters did he bring forth! A Florida broad with goofy hats! A mama grizzly from South Dakota with totally hideous hair! A former Real World “star,” fer chrissakes! I’m popping up the popcorn now, because this is a promising crop of crayzee.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Facebook confuses the hell out of me, and I try to avoid it as much as possible.

This is becoming more difficult, now that folks are throwing money at me to program FB apps.

@flippin eck: Why didn’t he ever join the exodus anyway?

Somewhere in the Lost Wonkette Termination Thread is a note from Jim asking us pretty-please not to hold it against him.

@flippin eck: Republicans Rubio, the guy from Kansas, and the guy from Illinois are hate-fuckable. My eyes still hurt from the Texas dude in PJs and the Skeletor ginger from Oklahoma.

Chick from South Dakota looks like she cuts her hair with a flurby.

And I CAN.NOT.WAIT. to see what the lady from Florida with the sparkly hats wears to the SOTU.

@Dodgerblue: Thought? That really is adorable.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: I was engaged to a woman. Did she know?

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: Oh ha-ha-ha. I’ll have you know there was a ring and everything. Which she kept after the breakup.

@SanFranLefty: If by “flurby” you mean “Flowbee wielded by a Furby,” I’m in total agreement.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: You are quite hot.

@flippin eck: Does Rand have a perm? Or bad hair product? Or both.

@JNOV: LOL, more like “chunky” right now. But I’m working on it…

@Dodgerblue: <3

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: More cushion for the pushin’

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: She kept the ring? That is Judge Judy territory, my brotha. You do not keep the ring. Unless there are details you feel like sharing with us that made her feel as if she had the right to keep the ring. Because you know how we are all here for you. Pictures might help.

@JNOV: Rand is a weasel. The Weasel Prince of Paultardia.

Very young JNOV: You have love handles.

Smart older man: You’re going to need something to hold onto; it’s a helluva ride.

@mellbell: Yeah, that. Though I meant to say flow-bee. Whatever that device is called – I’m usually so drunk by the time those weird commercials come on that I think it’s called a flurby.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: If you’re not going to tell the story in the sandbox, you gotta tell it here. You can’t leave us hanging with a bomb like you were once engaged to a woman and she kept the ring. Details, bitch, details!

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Keeping the ring is uncool. Throwing it off a bridge is fine, but not keeping it.

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: See if he still has his prom pictures up… LOVE YOU, CATT!

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: Wee Quayle looks like he has fetal alcohol syndrome.

@Dodgerblue: Sold mine on eBay.

@JNOV: Well, I’ll give you a pass if you used the proceeds for a party.

Destruction of rings:

Hammered one to bits along with the Metallica album CD he gave me. Smashing the album CD wasn’t satisfying enough.

There’s a Claddagh somewhere in the bottom of a motel pool in Oceanside, CA.

I thought I saved my first wedding ring in case Jr wanted to have it one day, but I think it got flushed. Not sure about that one.

@Dodgerblue: It was actually his wedding band, but it was pricey, so, yeah. ETA: And I paid for it. The party was in Las Vegas when my divorce was final. I think I threw away my band.

While we’re on the topic, I don’t believe in engagement rings.

@mellbell: Oh, hell. We had two Furbies that would talk to each other in the middle of the night. Worst. Toy. Ever.

@mellbell: Right on. I think if I ever give up my poly ways, (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) I’m not even wearing a band again. Or shaving my legs. Oh, wait.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: You call that chunky? Pfft. You’re looking damn good.

@JNOV: You call that chunky? I would. In the nicest possible way.

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: I think he could use a fitness regimen including wrestling. We can take turns pinning him.

@flippin eck: @SanFranLefty: Princess Sparkle Pony is all over Rep. Frederica Fancy Hats. She could be his new Condi.

@Benedick is NOT Mike Lee: @Dodgerblue: When you come out as a homosexual on the day you are supposed to pick the date for the wedding, she gets to keep the ring. Unwritten rule.

@all What can I say? I was young, I was in graduate school, I was trying very hard not to be gay, she got swept up into the tragedy. I have to say in my defense it was a somewhat different time vis-a-vis teh gay in the late Eighties/Early Ninties. It was a particularly chaste relationship, and though we did share a love of Sur La Table, alas, it was not to be.

The moment I told her was fascinating. This whole submerged part of my self took me over, and I watched from the ceiling as some guy I didn’t know said, out loud, “I’m not sure if there can actually be a wedding…”

While she did throw me out of the apartment that day, I returned a week later, and lived there for a few years afterward. We remain friends to this day. She is, as you may guess, a peculiar brand of saint, and love has been fairer to her since.

She deserves that ring. I’m glad she still has it.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Aaahhhhhh. Good story. And yes, she sure as hell earned that ring. And maybe a matching set of earrings. Glad you told her before the invitations were mailed out. Or before you got to the church. Or before you had three kids.

Stinque Threads are like Flash Mobs. You never know what shit’s gonna break out.

@SanFranLefty: Or before I became a congressman from Idaho.

@nojo: Do you have a particularly personal and somewhat painful story you’d like to reveal? I’m all ears.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One and nojo: Yes, Nojo, it’s after darque on the East Coast, you have a story to share?

Moral of Tommy’s story: gheyz, if you’re going to ask a woman to marry you, find one like me or MellBell who don’t care for engagement rings.

Whoa, just had a little earthquake here in Ess Eff.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: @SanFranLefty: Coming Monday morning. Sort of. It’s certainly embarrassing. At least to my pride.

ADD: Includes photographic evidence.

@nojo: At last, blackmail fodder.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Trust me, the Tease is much more interesting than the Event.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Okay, prom boy.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: There’s a novel in there.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: You clearly were not living in the Fenway.

@SanFranLefty: LOL is that STILL up? Damn you Zuckerberg!!!!

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: I take back the nasty things I said about slides. They’re really a bitch to digitize, which means my secrets are safe in my parents’ closet.

Ummm… So to speak.

@Tommmcatt :

I was engaged to a woman.

(Record needle scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch–silent, bewildered stares from all in the room.)

(Rapidly reading up-thread)

@Tommmcatt: Don’t feel bad, that must’ve taken a helluva lot of courage. It was a different time, and thank the FSM for how much things have changed in only 20-ish years.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Don’t apologize (that kinda sounds like what you’re doing — if not, sorry for thinking you were). You, Dear Catt, have a heart of gold, and that’s why I love you.

@nojo: You in a dance belt? PLEASE, GOD!

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: You two have the same hair…and you have a sweet, sweet mouth. Hard to see your ears, though…

@JNOV: Hey us guys are under almost as much pressure to conform to ridiculous and unrealistic beauty standards as the wimmins. Witness my future hubby Bryan Safi snarkily take down the repulsive reality show The A-List.

Being in better shape than 90% of America is the “gay obese.”

It’s important to remember that we can fight for our rights and be denigrated at the same time

Guffaw! But srsly, we need The Beauty Myth for Boyz.

@¡Andrew!: Indeed. I was engaged to a bi (maybe gay) guy. The only time it became a problem was when his dude friends were jealous of me. One showed up at my apartment crying and trying to drag him away. DRAMA! My ex ended up marrying a woman; he’s a father; he recently went bow hunting with his dad in Alabama. If he ever comes out, it’ll be long after his dad is dead.

@JNOV: I think I would have looked better in the dress. She was kinda burly…

@JNOV: Awww, thanks.

@¡Andrew!: Oh absolutely! Even for the str8 boys. People talk about Barbie fucking with girls’ self esteem (hate her), but GI Joe, HeMan and all those stereotypical boy toys have over time been getting buffer beyond belief. It fucks with boys’ self images as they grow and can be a life long problem. When I met a male bulemic, I was like, wow; no one is immune to this bullshit.

You have an awesome runner bod — I have a weakness for those and natural baseball player bods. But I’m also 44, and I’ve become much less concerned with beautimous. I find I now focus on something interesting about someone, and that’s one helluva turn on.

@JNOV: I almost got into a Melrose-style slap-fight with my first college bf Turn-Signal Dick’s long-time on-again, off-again girlfriend. And then we found out that he’d porked half the campus, that’s when the shiz got real.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Did you see the pic of Jr in the dress? It wasn’t even Halloween. He went to a formal dance at school, and he didn’t have anything to wear. He wore one of his GF’s dresses. He couldn’t fit into her shoes, though. He looked pretty good, and I was very proud.

@JNOV: It is insane. Those GI Joe akshun figures would have something like 27-inch arms and 27-inch waists were they huemon-sized. Not to mention every nooz stand packed with genetic-lotto winner cover-models and the ubiquity of porn-style body standards.

@¡Andrew!: Ha! This was crazy. First, Crazy dude called me asking if he could speak to [redacted]. [Redacted] gave me the “Shhh” sign, so I said he wasn’t at my place to which Crazy said, “Then why is his car parked outside?” Next thing I know, “BOOM BOOM BOOM” on my door, Crazy comes in hollering and crying, Crazy ends up in a choke hold, I told them both to get the fuck out, so they moved the yelling to my porch. Neighbor came out threatening to call the cops. Crazy left, [redacted] fucks my brains out (really), and all was right with the world.

I know some people who know a lot more than me say there’s no such thing as a bi guy, but I’m not so sure.

@JNOV: I’m waiting for baked to chime in on this thread, seeing as how she’s been married and engaged to gay men. Or was it twice married?

@¡Andrew!: Right? I think back to then and just marvel: there were three famousGay images in public, outside of pornography- the guy on Knotts Landing, the kid on My So-Called Life, and Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. Besides the hundreds of images magazines and television would show you of men with AIDS, that is.

Now that I look back, I realize that visibility- being publicly out, visually identified with being gay (silly as the pride rings and cut-off jeans with work boots were)- that was a hugely political act. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the parades, and parties, and marches weren’t just a means to an end, but an end in and of themselves. Which is why I never agree when people start complaining about Pride Parades. As tacky and as silly as they can get, they are immensely important to the community.

@JNOV: Sounds like he got off on being the object of desire, perhaps?

@JNOV: No, I will have to look for it, that is awesome. What did she wear?

@¡Andrew!: Yeah. And don’t get me wrong: I am NOT cool with aging, with not running anymore, with gravity. Well, I’m getting cooler with it, but I look back on pictures when I thought I was ugly or fat (or I was dating someone who told me I was fat), and I’m like, “Jesus! What was I thinking?!? Why did I buy into all this shit?” And I still do to a degree. It’s hard.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: It’s in the sandbox unless it was deleted when ZUCKERFUCKER deleted my account. I’ll send it to you through a message on FB. He even shaved his pits but no tuck. It’s not a great pic — you can’t see the eye makeup, but he’s a pretty girl.

@Tommmcatt: I totally agree regarding Pride and coming out.

And btw, have you seen Wilson Cruz lately? Gawt-dayum. Talk about unrealistic yet impossibly delicious body standards. Wilson, call me!

@¡Andrew!: I guess? The funny thing was that I didn’t really care that he was also attracted to guys. That’s just who he was (is?). He came after me in the first place. I don’t want to get too graphic for fear of freaking people out, but I figure if he could go down on me for almost an hour, he might have been attracted to me some?

@SanFranLefty: Think she was twice married to gay guys. I’m pretty sure my second ex-husband liked dudes, too, but he never allowed himself to act on it. It’s a shame. But it’s hard to live an authentic life if you don’t accept yourself as someone worthy of love and respect and of just being you, whomever you are at that point in your life.

@JNOV: Oh you can tell us. It’s not even the dinner hour here on the Left Coast, but it’s After Darque somewhere, amiright?

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: I just sent it to you via FB.

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Geez, I feel so bad for you. The Fenway would have blown your mind. Half the neighborhood was/is gay and out and proud. The Victory Gardens was/is a big cruising area. The Halloween parties were fabulous!

@Tommmcatt:

All the MSCL kidz turned out OK, come to think of it. Well, except for Claire Danes, who–in a major case for me of confusing the character with the actor–was later revealed to be a total air-head, and poor Rayanne, who was never heard from again.

I had some bitchin’ Phad Thai with Tino at the mall just last nite!

@¡Andrew!: I see him in my neighborhood all the time, he is very hot. I have it on good authority (from a reality-show pal of mine) that he is a bit of a mess- he likes the circuit a bit. I also see Jay from “Queer Eye” all the time, he is just my thing, baby, and I flatter myself by thinking that he has give me the eye on occasion. He looks like a daddy’s boy, if you get my meaning.

ADD: Is “Jay” the one I am thinking of? He was the pretty brown one.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: Que es “the Fenway”? My gay life has mostly been limited to the coasts.

@Tommmcatt: You mean you in a wife-beater and Jay needin’ a spankin.’ /Yeah, I can picture it/

@¡Andrew!: U R Rite! Well, I don’t know much about the study of human sexuality. The Kinsey Scale is about the limit of my knowledge, and apparently there are some valid criticisms of his work. BUT I do think there is a continuum when it comes to sexual attraction, and I remember being attracted to girls when I was a prepubescent — or I was attracted to sex play in general.

Several of us (I can think of seven) used to engage in sex play of some sort. Once again, I’m kind of dumb about these things, but I read somewhere that same-sex sex play is a common part of many children’s sexual exploration. As far as I know, we’re all straight adults, and we explored with boys, too, but girls were just more available.

So, I look back on those years and go, Meh. We were just a bunch of flat chested girls playing “cow” or whatever or seeing who could orgasm first from masturbation while our parents got high. ;-)

@Tommmcatt:

OMFG you’ve seen Rickie Vasquez!! I have to go brave My So-Called Commute home, but we will discuss this hawt topic lay-ter.

@¡Andrew!: LOVE MSCL!

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: Formerly the single best neighborhood anywhere, located in Boston, on the Muddy River.

I say “formerly” because two years ago, if I remember correctly, the neighborhood’s kitchen — the block with all the restaurants on it — burned down. I think it was arson, because it was all single-story storefronts.

Is the new representative for Illinois’s 11th congressional district, Adam Kinzinger, a vampire? Look at those teeth!

@¡Andrew!: Oh, I’ve seen Bryan Safi before — I like!

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: Oh, Gawd. Another Pencer.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: I’d trade him for this Adam Kinzinger: “Just a dude who likes to have a good time and is up for whatever.”

WTF is Footytube, anyway? ETA: Oh, some soccer shit. ;-P, Lefty.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: And P-Town?

@JNOV: Yeah, well, that’s a holiday town. The Fenway is everyday living.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: I read an Andrew Sullivan rant piece where he was complaining about how it has changed. “The End of Gay Culture.” He made a lot of assumptions in that piece and ignored the GLBT kids that live in rural areas or in cultures where coming out is still a very real physical danger. It was very classist.

@SanFranLefty: Magnitude 4.4 about 13 miles southeast of San Jose felt throughout the Bay Area.

@JNOV: I don’t know that it’s so much classist as taking for granted that what exists around you exists for everyone. I was totes surprised at Tommcatt describing the late ’80s/early ’90s the way he did. I was living in Back Bay, Beacon Hill and the Fenway back then, and you couldn’t swing a cat without hitting half a dozen gheys. It seemed perfectly normal to me.

Andrew Sullivan is an idiot.

@JNOV: Yeah, I know. We have a seismograph in the basement.

@SanFranLefty: Oh, right! How could I forget that! :-D

people call me zsa zsa but i’m really liza….
when your daddy is vincent minnelli you tend to marry peter allen and that creature, guest.
you’ve heard it all before: when i was young i thought my soul mates were the ones who went shoe shopping with me and enjoyed spa weekends. hey, that’s what i did with MY dear daddy!
this is breaking…and i’d like some opinions on it. i was talking to dad recently and i said, what’s new? he said, swear to god, “i’m gay”
i was flabbergasted. all i could answer was, i asked what’s NEW. ha ha’s all around. it wasn’t meant as an admission, but a joke. who the hell would joke like that? he’s 81 now, and i think he was trying to tell me what is as obvious as the spray tan on his face.
the Great Love of My Life turned out to be gay. i would have stayed in that marriage too, he was certainly bi, but i was missing an anatomical appendage that he was missing too. ah well. now i’m married to a typical straight man and we have absolutely nothing in common besides gardening. i hope my next husband is bi. nature or nurture? my life proves that’s it’s BOTH for this gay man loving straight girl. i have been curious about wimmins my whole life. same sex pairing makes so much more sense, doesn’t it? alas, i have never met miss right..i’m just a str8 daddy’s girl. for those keeping score: 7 engagements, 5 marriages, 3 gay.
(i’m not methuseleh, some lasted 20 minutes)
best t-shirt: “if you let us get married, we’ll stop marrying YOU”

@baked: Wow. Does that have anything to do wih how good you are at Scrabble?

@Dodgerblue:
no. that has to do with having a toxic childhood (except for him) and hiding in the library.

Such a touching and interesting conversation. Stinque at its best. Sorry I missed it. Wrestling practice.