Our guest columnist is totally not gay.

It’s early spring in Washington, D.C., and the cherry blossoms lining the Tidal Basin are bursting like kernels of popcorn, lending a fairy-tale feel to the nation’s bastion of power. But to catch a glimpse of the real Washington in action, you’d better arrive early. If you hit the street before 8 a.m., you may see the fittest man in Congress, U.S. Representative Aaron Schock of Illinois, clocking in for his 5-mile run — the conclusion of a morning fitness routine that starts in the House gym at 6:30 every weekday morning.

The Ripped Representative [Men’s Health]

“Newt Gingrich will announce his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination on Wednesday with postings on Facebook and Twitter. He’ll give his first interview as a candidate to Sean Hannity on Wednesday night.” [Political Wire]

On February 5, 2003, Secretary of State Colin Powell appeared at the United Nations with proof that Saddam Hussein was harboring weapons of mass destruction.

This was later proven untrue.

On April 1, 2003, Jessica Lynch was said to be liberated from her Iraqi captors, in the first successful rescue of an American POW since World War II.

This was later proven to be a wholesale misrepresentation of events.

On April 9, 2003, a statue of Saddam Hussein was pulled down in Baghdad’s Firdos Square, in what was presented as a popular celebration of his downfall.

This was later proven to be staged by Marines, with the assistance of an Army psyops team, for the benefit of news cameras in a nearby hotel.

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Title: “SEAL Team Six: Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper”

Authors: Howard E. Wasdin and Stephen Templin

Rank: 5

Blurb: “SEAL Team Six is a secret unit tasked with counterterrorism, hostage rescue, and counterinsurgency. In this dramatic, behind-the-scenes chronicle, Howard Wasdin takes readers deep inside the world of Navy SEALS and Special Forces snipers, beginning with the grueling selection process of Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL (BUD/S) — the toughest and longest military training in the world.”

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Turn Off the Dark’s Reign of Terror Returns on May 12th [Topless Robot, via Comics Alliance]

The initial headline:

WTF at WTC? Obama Has American Flag Removed From Ground Zero Site Moments Before Photo Shoot!

The supposedly corroborating Jake Tapper tweet:

One minute to air and they decided to take the flag down from the live shot!

The wingnut blogger’s kill shot:

This administration and, by extension, the Democrat Party are now so thoroughly divorced from the history, traditions and morals of America that we might as well admit the Marxist left has executed a successful coup d’état on this Republic.

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“Al Qaeda released a statement on jihadist forums Friday confirming the death of its leader, Osama bin Laden, according to SITE Intelligence Group, which monitors Islamist websites.” [CNN]