Not content to let Deranger Rick and Penn State steal the spotlight, Herman Cain! roars back today with a new website devoted to smearing his accusers getting out the truth about the Vast Perry/Romney/Obama/Media/Reality Conspiracy that will not rest until he’s taken down.

His lead post relates an Atlanta TV story that proves beyound doubt his innocence:

Private investigator TJ Ward said presidential hopeful Herman Cain[!] was not lying at a news conference on Tuesday in Phoenix.

Cain[!] denied making any sexual actions towards Sharon Bialek and vowed to take a polygraph test if necessary to prove his innocence.

Cain[!] has not taken a polygraph but Ward said he does have software that does something better.

Ward said the $15,000 software can detect lies in people’s voices.

Okay. First, we’d love to see how his Truth Software handles Apple’s Siri. But let’s see how Herman Cain! fares:

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzMYNONhfs4

When we saw this clip on Rachel last night, it was amusingly presented as a “video briefing” that the CIA presented to Saint Ronnie, who supposedly preferred this kind of thing to his one-page memos.

But when we go to the NBC background story, the spin is quite different:

CIA Historian Nick Dujmovic suggests the president’s reported reliance on videos were part of the myth of the “insubstantial president,” suggesting that there were only a small number of videos produced (each of which took a month to put together). Dujmovic adds that the idea did not come from Reagan or the White House but from the CIA, which in the summer of 1981 suggested some videos already in production might be “helpful for Reagan.”

Well, darn. Still, this video — which Reagan did watch in 1982 — is amusing in itself, if only for the fabulous Fifties retro presentation. And the reason we can present it here is even more amusing: It’s from the CIA’s YouTube channel.

You would think that whatever the formal topic of tonight’s GOP debate, the real topic will be Herman Cain!’s special way with the laydeez. But we’re being told by Professional Chatterers that the expected gangbang may not happen — everybody but Mittens wants the Hermanator’s supporters, so they’ll go light on his indiscretions.

Let’s hope the experts are wrong, because we have four beers teed up for tonight’s Open Thread/Subtextathon, and it would be a shame if we only get through three of them.

Dorothy Rabinowitz on Newt Gingrich: “His greatest asset lies in his capacity to speak to Americans as he has done, with such potency, during the Republican debates. No candidate in the field comes close to his talent for connection. There’s no underestimating the importance of such a power in the presidential election ahead, or any other one… Mr. Gingrich’s qualifications all ’round could well make him the most formidable contender for the contest with Barack Obama.” [WSJ]

So, is there a Vast Liberal Media Conspiracy to keep Herman Cain! from the White House? His smokin’ campaign manager has proof!

Herman Cain campaign manager Mark Block, in an appearance with Sean Hannity on Fox News just now, insisted that a relative of the second woman to publicly accuse the candidate of sexual harassment in the 1990s works at POLITICO.

“Her son works at POLITICO,” Block said of Karen Kraushaar, whose name POLITICO printed earlier today after other media outlets made her identity public.

As it happens, Josh Kraushaar was indeed a Politico reporter last year.

But by a nutty coincidence, Josh Kraushaar and Karen Kraushaar are — wait for it — unrelated.

Cain aide wrongly insists they’ve ‘confirmed’ accuser’s son works for POLITICO [Politico]

One of the oddest claims — not weirdest, but oddest — from Herman Cain!’s press conference Tuesday was that dark forces are working to deny him the White House because he’s a “businessman”.

Cain! also said that as the leader of The Other NRA, he spent most of his time giving speeches.

Which leads us to wonder: How long has it been since Herman Cain! was a practicing businessman?

Answer: Sixteen years. He left Godfather’s Pizza in 1995.

In the process of hunting down the date — we were curious when the Statute of Limitations expires on that claim — we stumbled across an interesting article about Herman Cain!’s years in the corporate saddle:

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We don’t normally cover news conferences, but we can’t resist what Herman Cain! has to say about the lovely ladies in his life — which he’ll be doing live on (at least) CNN in fifteen minutes.

Plus, we also can’t resist the really naughty implications of the photo reference.

So welcome to our impromptu Open Thread/Vagina Monologue. Because if you know anything about the movie, you also know it’s famous for, um, deep focus.