Herman Cain!’s Pizza Time Theatre

One of the oddest claims — not weirdest, but oddest — from Herman Cain!’s press conference Tuesday was that dark forces are working to deny him the White House because he’s a “businessman”.

Cain! also said that as the leader of The Other NRA, he spent most of his time giving speeches.

Which leads us to wonder: How long has it been since Herman Cain! was a practicing businessman?

Answer: Sixteen years. He left Godfather’s Pizza in 1995.

In the process of hunting down the date — we were curious when the Statute of Limitations expires on that claim — we stumbled across an interesting article about Herman Cain!’s years in the corporate saddle:

Tim McMahon, who was Godfather’s marketing director under founder Willy Theisen, told The World-Herald that Cain[!], though charismatic, “simply doesn’t register as a significant force” in Godfather’s success.

McMahon, now an associate business professor at Creighton University, said that Theisen built Godfather’s into a national restaurant chain and that it was longtime executive Ronald Gartlan, now CEO, “who provided the operational stability and focus on customer satisfaction over the long haul.”

That would be the Omaha World-Herald, if you’re not familiar with the paper. Because Omaha is just the place you would expect to be the corporate home of a national pizza chain. Especially a pizza chain named for a fictional Italian-American gangster.

To be fair — one of our weaknesses — the article gives Cain! some credit for the chain’s success. But notice how the pie is sliced:

Omahan Rick Ellis, whose advertising agency worked for Godfather’s under Cain[!], said Cain[!] and Gartlan each had a role:

Gartlan “was closely tied to operations, making sure everything was right, the bricks-and-mortar stuff. He wanted to make sure the franchises were on a firm financial footing, food costs were in line, rent, labor. He was really good at tightening up that part.”

Ellis said Cain[!] worked directly on marketing strategy, a key ingredient for franchise success. He brought back the original “godfather” character, tough-talking Omaha actor J. William Koll, for its TV commercials.

When a political candidate touts his “business” experience, which comes to mind: Management? Or marketing? Who was solving the problems, and who was signing off on the solutions?

And who’s been taking credit for the success?

(Fun detail: Godfather’s posted “a small loss” in 1986, the year Cain! became president, but logged $260 million in sales the next year. In 1994, the year before he left, sales were $256 million. Where’s the growth?)

Pillsbury eventually sold the chain to a Cain!-led management team, so Herman is due some credit — he promoted the ops guy, after all. But if Herman Cain! ever manages to be a serious candidate — one who actually wins elections and shit — we’ll probably hear more about the substance of his “business” experience.

Presuming we ever stop hearing about his romantic experience.

Cain: The Godfather’s years [Omaha World-Herald, October 11]