You would think that whatever the formal topic of tonight’s GOP debate, the real topic will be Herman Cain!’s special way with the laydeez. But we’re being told by Professional Chatterers that the expected gangbang may not happen — everybody but Mittens wants the Hermanator’s supporters, so they’ll go light on his indiscretions.

Let’s hope the experts are wrong, because we have four beers teed up for tonight’s Open Thread/Subtextathon, and it would be a shame if we only get through three of them.


Step One: Find out where CNBC is hiding on the cable system.

CNBC: Your home for umpteen screen charts and tickers.

So tonight’s debate’s subtext won’t be “Where the White Ladies at?”


“On the stage tonight, from left to right…”

Or from right to falling off a cliff.

Money Honey sez it was “a rough day for our 401(k)s”.

I must have misplaced mine.

First question to Herman Cain! on…

The economy. Fuck.

Twitter feed running along bottom of screen:

“Hope Jim Cramer asks Republicans for their stock picks.”

Thank you, Nate Silver.

Sounds like Cramer raided his Four Loko stash.

Mittens: “I’m a man of steadiness and constancy.”

On Dan Savage… “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Not watching this as CNBC is “extra” on my cable subscription. Just waiting for the rain to slow down a bit before heading out for a 6k walk/run (mostly walk.)

Hey, everybody, it’s Deranger Rick! And he’s making a point of not looking drunk!

@ManchuCandidate: You’re not missing anything. They’re sticking to “economic” issues, for which read: Finance.

@ManchuCandidate: How many miles is that? Canadialand is metric? Don’t you have a queen and shit?

Newt just dropped multiple memes at once: Reagan, Contract with America, Saul Alinsky, Audit the Fed, Class Warfare.

Michele Bachmann in HD makes me wonder how my TV is suddenly 3D.

Money Honey asks the laydeez question: “Why should the American people hire a president if they think there are character issues?”

Crowd boos.

Cain!: “None of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain.”

Cain!: “The voters have voted with their dollars.”


No kidding – see also the crazy-eyed Metamucil commercials:

Question to Mittens: “Would you keep [Cain!] on if you bought his company?”

Crowd boos. Mittens ducks.

Huntsman: “I want to be the president of the 99%. I also want to be the president of the 1%.”

Mittens will crib that by tomorrow.

Jim Cramer is chasing his Four Loko with Red Bull.

Everybody sounds like they’re running for president of Ferenginar.

Newt, defending the 1 percent: “It’s sad that the news media doesn’t report accurately how the economy works.”

Jim Cramer has moved on to Irish Coffee.

Bill Gates didn’t create jobs. Microsoft customers created jobs.

Cain!: “999 satisfies five simple criteria.”

Crazy Eyes: My tax plan guarantees that everyone gets stiffed.

CNBC promo: PepsiCo products. In your home. Right now.

I strongly doubt that.

Mittens: “Markets work.”

Except, of course, when they don’t.

Cain!: “Uncertainty is what’s killing this economy,” so we need a “bold” tax plan that creates even more uncertainty.

@JNOV the Insult Comic JD: If it sounds more interesting than what’s actually happening, then yes.

Allowing Republicans to debate on “economics” gives them all a free pass to roll out their bromides.

“Markets working” on healthcare would be like markets working on home delivery: You eliminate the post office, you eliminate guaranteed rural delivery.

Deranger Rick: “It’s three agencies that are gone when I’m there: Commerce, Education… and what’s the other one?”

Finally, a YouTube Moment.

All this chatter about Social Security, and nobody mentions that taxes are capped just above a hundred grand.

“Nobody” including the questioners.

Deranger Rick: Oh, right. Energy!

Herman Cain! would like to thank Deranger Rick for stealing focus tonight. There is one, and only one, moment that everyone will be talking about tomorrow.

Cain!: “The tax code is what sends jobs overseas.”

That, and slave labor.

Mittens: China is hacking into our computers. That’s why they’re winning.

Note: I’ve barely gotten through two beers. It’s that slow.

And hedge funds like Mittens’ Bain/Bane Capital

Mittens: “I’ve been in business all my life… 25 years.”

Mitt Romney is 64.

Crazy Eyes: We built China’s aircraft carrier with our interest payments.

How low are T-bill rates right now?

Jim Cramer’s back from his break chowing down on dark chocolate.

Jim Cramer-Herman Cain! colloquy: Somebody make that a weekly series.

And… scene!

The news media and Herman Cain! would like to thank Deranger Rick for providing tomorrow’s soundbite.

@nojo: Darling. You must rest. We need you. You have gone above and beyond. Here at homosex central we lasted 10 minutes. It’s Zombie Preznint 2012. Except for the lack of brains. I’m shocked that Huntsman would stand on the same stage with the rest of those fools. And they really need to retire that fucking hideous set: the presidential election is not Miss Universe.

The more I see him the more I despise Mittens. He is so deeply loathsome it almost feels sexual. Let’s get the Mittspawn on a bus with a webcam. Hatefuck anyone?

@Benedick: Surely you’ve had impure thoughts about the Romney Boys.

In other news, a catcher for the Washington Nationals was kidnapped in Venezuela and another anti-drug cartel blogger was tortured and killed in Mexico. The cartels have killed four people this fall who were involved in anti-narco social media.

“On Sept. 13, the bodies of a man and woman were found strung by their arms and legs from a pedestrian overpass. The appearance of the deceased, both in their 20s, revealed signs of torture. The woman was disemboweled . . . . on Sept. 25, a newspaper administrator and network moderator was found decapitated . . . ”

Anonymous cancelled a planned Nov. 5 action against the cartels when one of its kidnapped members was released.

. . . and Paterno was removed as the Penn State football coach tonight by the university’s board of trustees.

– The board’s decision to fire Paterno was unanimous.
– Graham Spanier, who was informed of the allegations, is out as the university’s president.
– Mike McQueary, the then-graduate assistant and current wide receivers coach who testified he saw Jerry Sandusky raping a boy in the shower, has had no change in his job status.

@nojo: You eliminate guaranteed delivery altogether. You think a private company wouldn’t require you to buy a mail receptacle from them or one of their subsidiaries and buy a subscription to have someone deliver stuff to it?

@redmanlaw: What took them so long?

@nojo: I’m not so up on hate fucking yuppie scum. That’s more Catt. He puts them in assless chaps and makes them call him Sir. I need to wake up in the morning with a head on the pillow that can make some kind of sense. A good head of hair only gets you so far.

@nojo: Ricky doesn’t want to eliminate (only restructure) my agency. I guess we’re not trying hard enough.

@Walking Still: I think it’s as simple as that DOE and ED were created under Carter, while EPA was created under Nixon. I can’t for the life of me figure out why he wants to abolish Commerce.

@mellbell, manchu: With respect to DOE and EPA, right wing opposition is fueled ( insert rimshot )by anti-regulation polluters, extractive industries, oil/gas/energy interests who want free reign over their operations. The anti-regulatory philosophy would also extend to Commerce. I think opposition to the Department of Education comes from the belief that education policy should be entirely local and not subject to outside/federal interference.

@redmanlaw: True. But when I look at what Commerce handles, it’s difficult to see how one could rationally oppose it on ideological grounds: the census (apart from Michele Bachmann and Erick Erickson, is that actually controversial — it’s in the bleeding Constitution for crying out loud), standards, patents, telecoms, R&D, trade agreements, GDP and other economic data, NOAA, and other miscellany. I think Obama really missed an opportunity to neutralize Romney by offering him the job instead of Gregg.

@mellbell: They’re also opposed to the post office, which is constitutionally required.

@redmanlaw: Which makes no sense for the supposed party of rural America.

@redmanlaw: Even more shocking, Drew Carey was kind of hot once.

@redmanlaw: So did enlistment go up or down after the release of that documentary, Full Metal Jacket?

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