Bill O’Reilly, Monday night: “Pepper spray, that just burns your eyes, right?” Megyn Kelly: “Right. I mean, it’s like a derivative of actual pepper. It’s a food product, essentially.” [TPM]

“I tasted a beer and tried a cigarette once, as a wayward teenager, and never did it again.”
—Mitt Romney to People magazine

• Pop Rocks.
• Loosened tie while on Mission.
• Tied family dog to car roof. (Adult indiscretion)

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“With all the hype about the ancient Mayan calendar suggesting the demise of human civilization taking place in 2012, an American author wants everyone to know that other calendars predict the same outcome, and he claims a demonic plot bringing about the end date could be hiding in plain sight inside the U.S. Capitol and your wallet right now.” [WND]

Because we have absolutely no self-control when it comes to this shit.

[via @anamariecox]

One recent Populist Uprising was notable for its brandishing of weapons. The Populists, peacefully assembled, feared violent supression by the State.

Another recent Populist Uprising is notable for its lack of weapons. The Populists, peacefully assembled, fear financial supression by the State.

Guess which peaceful Populist Uprising the State has chosen to violently supress?

The Occupiers are missing a major symbolic opportunity. Screw Fawkes. Go Gadsden.

Title: “Stuck Up!: 100 Objects Inserted and Ingested in Places They Shouldn’t Be”

Authors: Rich E. Dreben M.D., Murdoc Knight M.D., Marty A. Sindhian M.D.

Rank: 17

Blurb: “How exactly did that cell phone end up there? Was it on vibrate? And is the rectum truly the best place to store your bronzed baby shoes? It is at least somewhat understandable to find a rectal thermometer in its intended place, but how about your six-year-old daughter’s Barbie doll?”

Review: “Some of the photos of the x-rays are hard to view on my kindle.”

Customers Also Bought: “Awkward Family Pet Photos” by Mike Bender

Footnote: Where are the gerbils? Where are the gerbils?

Stuck Up! [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

The intern for our guest columnist deserves our sympathy.

I know I don’t usually send you emails, but Joe has a birthday coming up this Sunday, and I’m trying something new.

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