Title: “Agenda 21”

Authors: Glenn Beck and Harriet Parke

Rank: 11

Blurb: “Just a generation ago, this place was called America. Now, after the worldwide implementation of a UN-led program called Agenda 21, it’s simply known as ‘the Republic.’ There is no president. No Congress. No Supreme Court. No freedom. There are only the Authorities.”

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We seriously debated whether to run a Fourth Annual Thanksgiving Beheading this year, seeing as Our Exceptional Heroine is finally drifting into blessed obscurity. And then we saw some Palin 2016 chatter. No, it’s not working out for us at all.

So, how was your Tuesday? Ours didn’t happen. Server crash. Don’t ask.

Our guest columnist is totally not running for President.

GQ: How old do you think the Earth is?

Marco Rubio: I’m not a scientist, man. I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that’s a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow. I’m not a scientist. I don’t think I’m qualified to answer a question like that. At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all. I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says. Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to answer that. It’s one of the great mysteries.

All Eyez on Him [GQ, via TPM]

Saturday night, we get a weird text from Silent Creative Partner:

Someone sent me this saying, “I found this on an iPhone Background [desktop] app!”

What is “this”? Well, this:

Looks like a pen drawing on notebook paper of a boy on a swing, with “i miss u” written over the empty swing next to him, plus a few hearts. Apparently it was available for download somewhere for use as an iPhone background.

The weird part? It also looks like a pencil drawing Silent Creative Partner created fourteen years ago:

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Title: “I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats”

Author: Francesco Marciuliano

Rank: 72

Blurb: “The author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth helps cats unlock their creative potential and explain their odd behavior to ignorant humans.”

Sample Cat Poem:

I lick your nose
I lick your nose again
I drag my claws down your eyelids
Oh, you’re up? Feed me

Review: “Easily knocked to the floor. Repeatedly.”

Customers Also Bought: “How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You” by The Oatmeal

Footnote: Much better than you would expect from the author of the internationally syndicated comic strip Sally Forth.

I Could Pee on This [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Penguin: “I’ll ruin this town! Gotham City will be Twinkieless! I have hoarded all the Twinkies by hypnotizing the Twinkies delivery men.”

Commissioner Gordon: “Batman, this is terrible. All the Hostess Twinkies have disappeared from Gotham City. We need your help desperately.”

Batman: “Emergency, Robin! Get to the Batmobile!”

Robin: “My seat belt’s as good as fastened.”

Meanwhile, in Norfolk…

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