When faced with the sheer middle-class brutality of Piers Morgan’s attack-dog interview technique, Chrissy does what any self-respecting Bagger does when confronted with questions: she walks off the set. Or at least she tries to. As I’ve always said, if you plan on exiting in a huff don’t let them wire you under your clothes. You’ll be stuck in your seat and most likely trip on the wire.

Like most of you I too am outraged that Piers refused to ask Chrissy the questions she wanted to answer. What is he, a journalist?

What is it about Republicans and thick juicy corn dogs?

Totally stolen from Joe My God. But since we still have a few nominally straight Stinquers I didn’t want to risk any sudden conversions by sending y’all over yonder.

Poodles have all the answers.

The Results We’ve All Been Waiting For:

U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.): 4,823 votes!
U.S. Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas): 4,671 votes
Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty: 2,293 votes
Former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pa.): 1,657 votes
Former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain: 1,456 votes
Texas Governor Rick Perry: 718 votes
Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney: 567 votes
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich: 385 votes
Former Utah governor Jon Huntsman: 69 votes
U.S. Rep Thad McCotter (R-Mich. and Stinque fave): 35 votes

Total votes cast: 16,674!

Clearly this is a Very Important Vote and Michele Bachmann’s overwhelming win – by 152 votes – is historic.

However, at $30 per vote ticket the event seems to have grossed $500,220. By comparison the total votes of the Iowa Straw Poll represent approximately one playing week of Spiderman: The Musical: Turn Off the Dark: WTF? at the Foxwoods Theatre, seating capacity of 1,932, which grossed this week $1.9M.

From which I deduce that crappy musicals are more profitable than crappy politics; Bachmann is a winner; Paul is a loser; Romney is cheap; and Jon Huntsman should know better.

Presented without comment.

Hooray! Today, in answer to our prayers we have the first sex scandal of the 2012 presidential campaign.

Email rendezvous entangles state Rep. Phillip Hinkle

He’s a Republican so we can take as given: he’s married with children; is staunchly pro-family; has introduced at least one resolution to have In God We Trust put on license plates, cigarette packets, kitchen rolls, etc; is vehemently opposed to any gay rights proposal and likes to troll craigslist for young men in need of a ‘suggah daddy’.

Just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any dumber, along comes Tea Party in Space, vowing to fight NASA’s intransigent socialism and replace it with free-market space travel.

Not content with blowing apart the economy, the Baggers are now planning their assault on the final frontier. Space! (bow chicka bow chicka bow bow)

Book your seats now. What could possibly go wrong?

Full disclosure: Part of me suspects this is a joke. But let’s all believe it’s real. It’s funnier that way.