So they’re replaying the Brawl in Baltimore on the C-SPAN right now.  Post-jump, a blow-by-blow of what everyone was all excited about this afternoon, as it happened:

2000 (ET) — They’re setting it up now with some NYT hack.  Boring.  Which is what C-SPAN does best, naturally.

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VO [BAUER]: The following takes place between 10:00PM and 11:00PM.

[INT. — White House office.  RAHM, A.G. HOLDER, SECY. LAHOOD, and low-level staffers.]

RAHM: If that cocksucking truck driver takes Ted Kennedy’s seat, everything we’ve worked for is lost! I want answers, sons-of-bitches….

[cell phone rings]

…and I want them right fucking…. What the hell is it, Eric?

A.G. HOLDER: Rahm! I got Jack Bauer.

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Black Eagle’s going to Massachusetts tomorrow.  We got another 72 hours to go.  Coakley et al need to get pumped to stave off a full year of complete blockitude. With that in mind:

It’s been a while for a post from me.  Sorry — work, work, no usable internet connection at work, work.  So I need to come back with a bang.

In that spirit, I offer the greatest thing ever.  Hurry Hard Condoms, sponsored by — yes — USA Curling.  (Curling is that sport that everybody falls in love with during the Winter Olympics after they get sick of wall-to-wall figure skating, and is the second national sport of Canada City.  It’s the one with rocks that people sweep, with brooms, up and down the ice, with people yelling HURRY! and HARD! at the sweepers.  Hence, the humor.)

There’s other curling jargon that is appropriate here, such as “the button,” “double takeout,” “hack,” “pebble,” “swingy,” and “biter.”  But I will leave that alone and leave you to contemplate whether curlers actually get any, thus necessitating the need for Hurry Hard Condoms.

[Noted: the condoms were released as a part of awareness-raising for World AIDS Day a couple of weeks ago.  So I should feel awful for poking fun, and you should feel awful for the laughs (pity or otherwise).  We are all AWFUL.]

[Also noted: while I was in Madison, I curled for a year.  It’s a great sport played by, well, almost uniformly dull people.  But curling is kind of out there.  Indie rock for accountants and insurance salesmen, perhaps.  And it is one of the ways good Wisconsinites and Minnesotans take out their aggression without killing animals.  So there’s that.]

Wikipedia informs me that our dear friend, Carrie Prejean, currently attends a joint known as “San Diego Christian College,” which is affiliated with the Southern Baptists, is a nerve center for creationism (which doesn’t really believe in “nerve centers” to be honest), and was the brain child of Tim LaHaye, of Left Behind fame.

So: the worst colleges in California, from worst to merely awful, are:

1. Taft Law School

2. San Diego Christian College

3. U$C

4. Thomas Jefferson School of Law

5. ITT Tech (various campuses)

(Long way, I know, to say “come on, Cardinal!”  But it works for me.)

This open thread begins with the observation that… well… God almighty, there’s nothing like a House of Representatives debate sometimes.  Like, say, whenever Barney Frank gets rolling on a procedural point.  Or whenever Michelle Bachmann goes into her private reserve of insane. 

Today?  Well, even the debate on setting the rules for debate descended into a total mess.  John Dingell, Father of the House / Crochety Old Man Who Is Getting Tired Of This Shit, presided over a half-hour of (a) scores of Democratic women making unanimous consent requests with a wee bit of debate thrown in, and (b) Republican members shouting “I OBJECT!” repeatedly.  Dingell tried his best, as a parliamentarian, to tell the Republicans to shut the fuck up — to no avail.  And after that, the Republicans got up and made unanimous consent requests with the same wee bit of debate rolled in…. and the Democrats sat there, politely.  First blood, then, to the Dems, for not acting like total douchebags.

And that, friends, was how this day began.  Christ.

We are in for a long, and hilarious, day.  Open thread, suckers — with major, earthshattering levels of stupid noted in the post proper, post-jump, for the sake of teaching children that running for Congress just isn’t worth it.

ADD: I am made to understand that the Sport open-thread will not be seen today, so that we may bring you this Stinque Special Presentation.  It will return at its regularly scheduled time next week.  Kisses.

ADD #2 — A personal note: I got a statement from my insurer today, w/r/t my annual checkup.  Total bill: $834.  Total amount I have to pay: $10 — the copay. 

National minimum wage?  $1,160 per month, or $2,320 for a two-earner family.  $834 would positively break people if they didn’t have coverage, of some sort.  Nobody in the GOP seems to get that.  Seriously.   

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Feel free to run the video if you tire of (a) the health care debate or (b) Sport.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTI-hF3mtiU