Tapedelayblog: Black Eagle v House GOP

So they’re replaying the Brawl in Baltimore on the C-SPAN right now.  Post-jump, a blow-by-blow of what everyone was all excited about this afternoon, as it happened:

2000 (ET) — They’re setting it up now with some NYT hack.  Boring.  Which is what C-SPAN does best, naturally.

2002: Aw, the GOP goes to the Salvation Army in Balto.  How noble.  Mike Pence (Ind.) — “It’s not like it is when I was coming up.”  No kidding?  And now into why the stimulus and “boutique” tax cuts suck.

2006: “Across the board tax cuts” that will help the Salvation Army boy.  Yuck.  And Barry sez 2 million jobs were lost before he got out of the blocks. And then kills ’em with facts.

2012: The ribbon cutting line now. Not nearly as dramatic as it looked in print, to be honest.

2014: Pressed on “across-the-board” again by Pence.  Slaps it down well.  “I gonna want to take a look at your math.”  Solid.

2016: Paul Ryan (Wis.) — darling of the economic-conservative types.  Freeze being at elevated level of spending from before.  Line-item veto… a “constitutional” version.  Yeah.

2018: Leaning on economic egg-heads a bit too much for my taste at this point.

2020: “Wasteful spending is spent outside of your district….”  True. Nothing will happen, of course.  But still true.

2022: Shelley Capito (W.Va.) — Coal!  MORE COAL!  Cap and trade is SOCIALISM.  Etc.

2023: Basically offering a trade between DRILL BABY DRILL and cap-and-trade.  See — he’s learned NOTHING from the HCR debate.  You given them DRILL BABY DRILL, and they’ll not give you an inch on what you want.  Still addicted to bipartisanship a bit too much.

2026: Jason Chaffetz (Utah) —  “We have not been obstructionists.”  Credibilty gap right out the gate there.

2028: Smackdown on the open-government front.  Still doesn’t explain the C-SPAN thing, but he’s right — you couldn’t move around in August without hitting a teabagger screaming about something.

2032: Marsha Blackburn (Tenn.) — Teabagger No. 2, of course.  “We have plans on health care.”  And then: “we want to work with you.”  That was in the first draft of the snake’s pitch to Eve, but it got cleaned up.

2035: Crossing state lines.  Not good for transporting minors to whorehouses.  Not good for insurance companies either.  (See also, e.g., credit card companies in Delaware and South Dakota.)

2039: Blowing up the “Bolshevik plot” thing now.

2041: Tom Price (Ga.) — “We been giving you ideas,” he whines.

2043: Going back to experts again, against “boilerplate.”  And now jumps on tort reform.  Actually, hops on tort reform — wasn’t much of a jump.

2048: Pence back in saying that Black Eagle is ignoring them.  Shit — if you were in his shoes, you’d ignore these clowns too.  Indeed, he probably would have been better on ignoring them more.

2052: Peter Roskam (Ill.) — You were better in Springfield.  But Pelosi is screwing everything up.  Of course.

2055: “A failure on my part.”  It is remarkable that he says stuff like this.  It ain’t just Dubya, either — Jimmy Carter was the last guy, I think, who admitted failures without an impeachment proceeding hanging over his head.  But that was about wimmin. Also.

2057: Jeb Hensarling (Tex.) in re debt.  And then big government.

2100: “The whole question was structured as a talking point.”  In other words: shut the fuck up, Jeb.  And he gets angrier as it goes on.

2104: Barry and Paul Ryan should just go to Vermont and make it legal.

2106: There was a comparison, earlier today, between this and something that Aaron Sorkin would write for Jed Bartlett.  It’s not terribly off-base.

2109: But that’s it.

* * *

Not earth-shattering.  Overhyped as the Showdown to End All Showdowns.  Still some good stuff, though.


2004: Immediate MSNBC cutaway to Tweety.

What I’m hearing in the MSNBC excerpts sure would have sounded nice a year ago.

@FlyingChainSaw: Is deal-with-late-Friday-afternoon-hackwork-while-listening-to-Barryball time.

Kids, don’t drink and hack.

pray for me.
I am filling a 120 gallon aquarium

the post made my head hurt
good but it made my head hurt

@Capt Howdy: Ballsy. You’re the first person I know with an indoor pool.

He needs to step on Boner’s throat and take a long piss on his face, long, four or five minutes, at least two ‘spacs of Ballantine. And then kick him to death.

Jesus fucking christ, people, is there any way we can get a LA state AG referral to put O’Keefe in fucking Angola?

We’ve got 1000 laywers on the site, there has got to be someone with a theory about how O’Keefe could be tried in state court and sentenced to fucking death by AIDS and savage battering decades in stir.

He wants a fucking documentary, let’s record his carcass being thrown over the wall at Angola for the buzzards to eat.


If I know the lawyers on this site they are all laying about in the bottom of a martini glass bitching about student loans right about now.

@Tommmcatt Say Relax: Not teh olds, the student loans are gone, I am bitching about yacht insurance, and $1,200 in medical deductible payments I have made so far this year. My oxymorphone is not covered by my plan!

And hey, he didn’t piss on any of them, except rhetorically, didn’t rip any throats out, but if he did this once a week, and it was broadcast in prime time, he would get all he wants.

@Promnight: He needs to do this on an hourly basis, travel with camera crews and visit the fascist GOP leadership in their homes, barking irrefutable facts, cornering them and then pissing on their faces as they mewl in self-pity and despair. On the way to each interview he could do an ad for Ballantine Ale and donate the proceeds to paying down the national debt. Win-win.

“Hi, I’m president Obama and I am here to tell you there is nothing like a cold, clean Ballantine Ale to stoke your bladder when you are getting ready to piss in a fascist’s face!”

@Tommmcatt Say Relax: Ummm, yeah, you say it like it’s a bad thing…

@FlyingChainSaw: Darling, I’m never one to block other peoples’ right to say whatever the hell they want to say, and you can go on saying what you want, but I want to state for the record that I am of the camp that I don’t think prison rape is funny. And that this is a barbaric country where we wink and nod and giggle that it’s part of getting a sentence. And then we have lowlevel drug users getting sadistically raped, or worse yet, a *reported* (which means actual is at least double) rate of prison rape in juvenile detention centers of 15%, most of the perps being staff, I don’t like it.

/carry on, back to drowning in my martini and attempting to balance my checking account with my insane student loans from Citibank, recipient of a trillion dollar bailout that has not trickled down to me.

@SanFranLefty: It’s true. You’re right as ever. Can I advocate for referral to LA and jailing in Angola where neonazi serial killers will rip out his eyes with a fork?


@FlyingChainSaw: Since we’re looking at a federal offense, I’m thinking the federal courts would have exclusive jurisdiction. The only way to get state jurisdiction would be if somehow there was concurrent state jurisdiction or if the feds decided not to prosecute and left it to the state. I may fire up the westlaw over the weekend and can look it up if I do. Realistically, I think the locals are more likely to roll over for GOP power.

@Tommmcatt Say Relax: I’m trying to find a way to get on the treadmill without waking Mrs RML. Martinis to follow, but not too many coz we’re going snowshoeing tomorrow, although the cold alpine air would be a great cure if I were a little fuzzy headed.

@Promnight: Actually, he pissed on them from a considerable height.

I don’t want to see another speech or news conference. Just many, many more of these.

@Promnight: I am bitching about yacht insurance

You really don’t want to be saying that in public.

@FlyingChainSaw: My thing about this is that it is a terrifying and horrible experience to be locked up in and of itself. That loss of control and the lack of freedom is the punishment in and of itself. I hope to God or FSM that nobody you love has ever experienced it – it’s terrifying, even for a few hours.

Sure, I’m theoretically more open to eyeball gorging than ass-raping, but really they’re all the same in terms of terror. Even the most deviant of sociopaths don’t deserve it. I’ve spent the past week writing talking points about the DOJ study on sexual assault of children in the nation’s juvenile correctional facilities, so holding aside the idiocy of locking up 90% of the kids who are locked up versus finding good therapists and foster homes for them, I’m a little sensitive on this.

@redmanlaw: I lurve snowshoeing. I want to love x-country skiing but I keep hurting myself. And the two times I tried snowboarding and downhill skiing I really hurt myself. Apparently Speed + Snow = SFL Injury.

@nojo: I want “Ask the President” the fourth Friday of every month from hereon out. Is that too much to ask?

@SanFranLefty: Too much to ask of Repugs, who are running away from this as fast as they can.

So: Barry should drop by Congress once a month for lunch in a conference room. If only Demrats show up, so be it.

@Tommmcatt Say Relax: I had scholarships.

@FlyingChainSaw: Fear not. The state might be able to get a second bite at the apple if the feds don’t come through.

Ah, the GOP… the “loyal opposition…”

I wanna roll every one of them in a tuna casserole and hollandaise sauce, then air-drop them into a padlocked stadium packed to the rafters with feral wildcats. The End.


skiing. i want to love it, but…..
ratbastard is an AmAzing skier, i was dragged to many snowy slopes.
(we have 3 pair of snow ski’s in the pool house as i speak and the boots are in the laundry room)
once i skied into a snow making machine and got stuck. my boots did not snap off and i had to be rescued by ski patrol. my friends were laughing so hard, they visibly were peeing in their ski suits.
another time in vermont, it was so cold, i couldn’t even go outside for a cig, 3 drags and your nose would fall off. good times.

BTW, I watched El Presidente drive in to Baltimore… quite by chance. I was at the site of our new campus yesterday to pick up a key so I could wire come rooms today and just happened to be at the window when the President’s motorcade drove down I-395.

@Serolf Divad: So is it true that the motorcade is always accompanied by an ambulance? I’ve been told as much, and for that reason harbor serious doubt that I’ve ever seen anything more than the veep’s motorcade zipping down Connecticut Avenue.

@redmanlaw: Oh, I know, I know. Most likely he will end up writing his own little Mein Kampf in Club Fed, make a movie of the oppressions he endured, stuff the residuals in an account in the Isle of Man and retire to a six-figure gig at an institute of hate in DC where he will advocate for the repeal of the 13th and 14th Amendments.

I am simply hoping against hope that a twisted federal prosecutor, with an eye for revenge, cuts a deal in a parking lot on North Rampart Street with the LA state AG to assign the case to the state AG, allowing O’Keefe to enjoy the entertainments of Angola, where he will live out his last days being stomped to death by soulless bloodthirsty monsters.

Please, is that too much to hope for?

I’m waiting for the random GOP congresscritter or Faux News blowhard (or Rush) to describe Barry as “uppity” and “condescending” in 3…2…1…

Can NOT wait until Monday’s Jon Stewart & Colbert takes on this kerfluffle

@SanFranLefty: Zero.

Curiously, though, they went with “combative” and “lecturing”. Which may be an improvement.

@mellbell: Let’s check a 2006 report

The president rides in an armored 2006 Cadillac DTS stretch sedan with tinted windows and bulletproof glass, with another one or two limos serving as decoys. The limos may even switch places from time to time as the motorcade moves along. (Think that’s paranoid? Some cities have arranged entire dummy motorcades.) Behind the secure package are cars for staff personnel, press vans, and an ambulance. The local police bring up the rear to make sure no one else joins the motorcade.

I seem to recall a black ambulance during the inauguration. Which was very cool.

@nojo: He should show up on their lawns with a bull horn and a flamethrower. Every other day.

O’Keefe may define one category of psychopath that does. His whole career is about attacking the poor directly or indirectly, as a colleague observed in a recent blog entry.

@SanFranLefty: Even the most deviant of sociopaths don’t deserve it.

@nojo: I saw the ambulance when O was staying at the Waldorf last year. We called it “Satan’s Ice Cream Truck”, which was exactly what it looked like.

@nojo: Remember last year when we found pix of the ambulance and also the Secret Service guys in the SUV/mobile sniper nest that Lefty got all gushy over?

@redmanlaw: Yes, and you had a long post on their choice of weaponry.

Going to see Los Lobos tonight. Will the wolf survive?

@baked: I think I just peed my pants laughing at your story of baked v. Snow Maker. That is so awesome. Was this pre-cell phone camera? I’m trying to picture it.

@Dodgerblue: Speaking of lobos, I’m sure that redmanlaw will be stoked to hear that the Lady Lobos upset the #6 TCU Horned frogs in wimmin’s hoops. Watched the ASU-Cal and Arizona-Stanford games on the treadmill at the gym – had a vision of JamieSommers doing the same.

@SanFranLefty: “Texas Christian” and “University,” two of these things belong together, one of these things does not belong.

@Promnight: Yes, definitely leave the Christians out. It should be University and Texas.

/Hook ’em!

@SanFranLefty: Those fucking open carry people are just spoiling for a fight. Just cus you can (in some jurisdictions) doesn’t mean you should. That being said, I often have a .357 or .22 with me up in the woods. Son of RML was surprised that I wasn’t packing for snowshoeing today. Goddamn pack was heavy enough as it was for the 2.5 + hour trek into the Pecos Wilderness. (Two fire making kits, water, TP, food, space blankets, knives, compasses, map, guide book, extra parkas [packing Mrs RML’s gear as well], first aid kit, rope . . . )

@SanFranLefty: Woof woof woof!

@SanFranLefty: Fucking shoulder still hurts from my big crash two weeks ago. I have to hold my arm stationary and pull my coat on from the other side, but I’m taking a solo ski trip tomorrow just to cruise the new snow. There is no buzz like it.

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