DAY 364: 10:00PM — 11:00PM

VO [BAUER]: The following takes place between 10:00PM and 11:00PM.

[INT. — White House office.  RAHM, A.G. HOLDER, SECY. LAHOOD, and low-level staffers.]

RAHM: If that cocksucking truck driver takes Ted Kennedy’s seat, everything we’ve worked for is lost! I want answers, sons-of-bitches….

[cell phone rings]

…and I want them right fucking…. What the hell is it, Eric?

A.G. HOLDER: Rahm! I got Jack Bauer.

RAHM: What does that fancy boy want?

A.G. HOLDER: He says he got something, Rahm.

RAHM: Gimme that fucking thing. [Grabs phone.] Jack, you mother–

[EXT. Car on I-95.  BAUER driving, really fast.]

BAUER: Rahm, listen to me. You gotta get Hillary Clinton out to Boston right now.

RAHM: She’s a little busy, bitch.

BAUER: Who you calling a bitch?

RAHM: Hillary! Not — not you, moron.  Don’t waste my fucking —

BAUER [really quickly]: Listen to me. All the teabaggers are all over Sarah Palin. You bring in Hillary, you’ll get the gender gap back and you can win this thing. But you got to get her on a plane and get her —

RAHM: Why should I believe you, asswipe? You haven’t got —

BAUER: I got it from a former Senate staffer. [Cut to Senate staffer in back seat of car, gagged. Bleeding from forehead.  Muffled screaming.] She’s been holding back!  She’s got union support in Boston, Worcester, Springfield that she hasn’t called in! You give her some face time, make it look like she saved the day, and you win! If you don’t, you lose for sure! I don’t care how pissed you are at her… you got to do this, and you got to do this now.

[RAHM stares blankly across the room.]



This assumes Rahm gives a shit. Or Hillbot.

/resigned to sabotage conspiracy theories about why the warmed-over Clinton re-treads have been such limp dicks for Team Unicorn

If you don’t take out Ex-President Allstate in the first five minutes, the season is lost.

@SanFranLefty: First Read, via Political Wire:

The White House does not want a year of the political capital they used up on health care to die because of a special election in Massachusetts. They believe they need SOMETHING for all of this political pain they’ve endured.

I’m not sure my response was best characterized as a “snort” or a “bark” when I read that. “Something” is all Rahm wanted from the start, and the political capital they’ve spent amounts to pennies in the Oval Office couch.

My bet is that the plot here is, around Labor Day, they launch an ad war, along the lines of “what have you seen from the Republicans in the past two years? Obstruction. Paranoia. Can you trust them?” Doomed to failure from the start, certainly. But remember: these are Democrats we are talking about. They’ve got blowing an advantage down to a science.

[Sings off-key] “It’s now or never, da da de da . . .”

@chicago bureau: My bet is they don’t even launch the ad war. The commercials write themselves, but the Dems refuse to go for the jugular. More’s the pity.

I feel like the only person who’s not the least bit miffed or even moved by the Masshole election. Am I the only one who mourned the death of health care reform already?

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