• That Red Cross solar/crank radio we just bought last week? It works!
• 1.4 million customers offline is a good excuse for missing a deadline.
• Contrary to reputation, zombies are pussies.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTZrMNPhQAc

“New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez, who has drawn national attention and criticism from immigrant advocacy groups for trying to stop illegal immigrants from getting driver’s licenses, has acknowledged her paternal grandparents came to the U.S. illegally.” [AP, via Political Wire]

Here is how this photo is being pitched:

During the Sept. 7 Republican debate, Ron Paul clashed with fellow Texan Rick Perry once again.

This time, things got physical.

During a commercial break, Perry walked up to Paul’s podium, physically grabbed Paul’s wrist, and pointed at Paul’s face with his other hand.

We’re not sure whether it’s worth Paultards getting upset over. Then again, we’d love to see the fallout from the same shot with Barack Obama on the receiving end.

Ron Paul Debate: Rick Perry Physically Grabs Him, Points at His Face [International Business Times]

No, not Rick Perry. It was Ron Paul who carried the day.

(Editor’s note: no puppies were harmed in the shopping of this picture.)

Paultards pole-dance pols’ poll!

Yes, It’s True: Ben & Jerry’s Introduces ‘Schweddy Balls’ Ice Cream Flavor [NPR, via LuxMentis]

Now that our main character is finally hopping on board, it’s time to stab him in the back. But who will shove the shiv? Crazy Eyes? Mittens? Little Jon Huntsman?

All of them?!!!

Grab your popcorn for tonight’s All-Star Shitfest, as we shovel coal into our GOP Debate Open Thread/Closed Minds. We promise it’s the most fun you’ll have violating the Eleventh Commandment… until the next Republican debate.