Forget The Onion. Do you want to know what humor will look like 15 years from now, in the 13th year of the Palin presidency? Then you’ll want to check out a funny Fox News photo feature titled “A New Look for the ‘God Squad.'” Just bear in mind that when I say “funny” I don’t mean “ha, ha, funny.” Rather, I mean depressing, humorless, joy-killing, religious themed “Photoshops” that appear to have been produced by a blind octagenarian nun using MS Paint and a gummed-up ball-mouse. My only question at this point: given that Fox appears to have made the tranformation to overtly evangelical prosletyzing right-wing proaganda newtork, when will the merger talks with the 700 Club actually take place?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_ZCqlR79qw

Day 3. We’re starting to grow suspicious of Sheryll. As we were falling asleep, she was gently licking our mouth. But when we briefly opened our eyes, she had transformed into a hideous Salt Monster. We blinked — and she was a cute little dog again.

Our friends on the Night Crew at Target tell us we need to cut back on the Red Bull. But we can’t. Justin Bieber needs us.

And then, back in the attic, we thought, What if Sheryll isn’t what she appears to be? “Never you mind,” we heard. We snapped our head — and there was Sheryll with a bloody sock in her mouth.

That settled it. We’re switching to Snapple.

Note to aspiring directors: If you’re going to have a kid cussing in a viral video, make sure you’re the parent…

A city man was arrested after police said he coached his 8-year-old neighbor to swear and make racial slurs for a YouTube video.

Josh Eastman, 24, of Pearl Harbor Street, was charged Tuesday afternoon with impairing the morals of a child. He was released after posting $2,500 bond…

Police said Eastman admitted making and posting the video, but claimed his lawyer told him it was all right to do so.

Reached at his home Wednesday, Eastman denied that the things he had the boy say were disgusting. “It was fun things, funny,” he said.

No, sir, funny is a cute kitty chasing her linoleum reflection. Or, if not funny, it’s certainly safer.

Man arrested for ‘swearing kid’ video [Connecticut Post, via Raw Story]

[KittyVid via LuxMentis]

Actually, Eliot Spitzer’s gift to New York already submitted his entry in the Bigotry Appeasement Sweepstakes, but he’d like you to know he’s still in the running:

In the wake of the alleged hate crime against a New York City taxi driver, I must take this opportunity to remind New Yorkers that we cannot and will not allow bias and ignorance to infect our communities and deny our hard working, innocent residents the respect they deserve.

The potential for this kind of violence is one of the reasons why I have called publicly for a respectful and unifying conversation about the Park51 project. I continue to offer my assistance for an open dialogue that I believe will help to bring New Yorkers together.

Look, pal, if you wanna bring New Yorkers together, announce a fatwa on the Red Sox.

Bonus Demagogue Video! Larry McCarthy, who brought you the Willie Horton ad, shows that he hasn’t lost his chops.

Paterson pegs Park51 to stabbing [Politico, via ThinkProgress]

Producer Of New Commercial Smearing Muslims For Political Gain Also Produced The Willie Horton Ad [ThinkProgress]

“We can report to you exclusively that Sarah Palin’s 19-year-old daughter Bristol Palin has been cast on the 11th season of Dancing With the Stars, set to premiere Sept. 20, according to sources.” [E! Online]

Alleged cabbie-slasher Michael Enright, besides having a problem holding his liquor, also had a problem holding his bile:

Enright, a senior at the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan, returned from Afghanistan in May after 35 days of filming a documentary about front-line troops.

When he was arrested Tuesday in midtown, Enright had a personal diary filled with pages of “pretty strong anti-Muslim comments,” a police source said.

The source said Enright’s journal equated Muslims with “killers, ungrateful for the help they were being offered, filthy murderers without a conscience.”

Quite honestly, there might be a (non-absolving) case of PTSD at work — we send kids to war all the time, but usually we train them first.

On the other hand, invading countries and calling their citizens ingrates for all the liberating death and destruction we wreak upon them seems to be a habit of our glorious nation.

Muslim cab driver Ahmed Sharif, victim in bloody attack, saw ‘so much hate’ in face of assailant [NY Daily News, via TPM]

So, you’re the demagogic leader of a national campaign protesting a local zoning decision, and somebody slashes a cabbie for worshiping the wrong deity. Do you…

(a) Keep yer piehole shut.

(b) Issue a brief statement proclaiming your peaceful intentions and condemning all violence.

(c) Accuse your opponents of staging the hit.

If you answered (c), welcome to Stinque, Pam Geller! Thanks for dropping by!

And if you’re unfamiliar with Ms. Geller, you should be: She’s the Orly Taitz of anti-muslim bigotry. Her website Atlas Shrugs is Ground Zero of the Not-Mosque protest. But unlike Orly, nobody is laughing Pam out of the room. Yet:

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