It’s March Mental Illness time again, which can only mean one thing: Cackling joy at your inability to pick the winners of amateur sporting events.

That’s right: It’s the trash-talking extravanganza of the Stinque Braquet!

Braquet Queen Mellbell has deviously plotted your destruction by creating a Yahoo Mutual Torture Society. Click the Join Group button and seal your fate:

Group ID: 114465
Password: neworleans

It’s all in good fun, right? Well, up until the moment we start shaming the losers in public.

President Obama, responding to Sunday’s massacre of sixteen Iraqi civilians by an American soldier:

“We need to look forward as opposed to looking backwards.”

Oops, we’re sorry. Wrong statement:

“I fully support Secretary Panetta’s and General Allen’s commitment to get the facts as quickly as possible and to hold accountable anyone responsible.”

We understand. Once you hit six figures, responsibility is rendered quaint.

Statement by the President on Civilian Deaths in Afghanistan [White House]

Obama Reluctant to Look Into Bush Programs [NYT, 1/11/2009]

Remember Iraq? The Dear Leader’s little war?

Activists told the Cairo-based al-Akhbar daily that at least 90 Iraqi teenagers with “emo” appearances have been stoned to death by the Moral Police in the country in the past month. The violent crackdown against “emo” Iraqi teenagers came after the Iraqi interior ministry declared them as “devil worshippers.”

Title: “Becoming China’s Bitch: And Nine More Catastrophes We Must Avoid Right Now”

Author: Peter D. Kiernan

Rank: 35

Blurb: “Presented from a fresh yet informative Centrist perspective, these ten impending catastrophes include our semiconscious dependency on China, our lack of a centrally coordinated intelligence effort, our downward-spiraling health-care system, and the continually expanding problem of illegal immigration.”

Review: “Meryl Streep said it all in her back of the book-jacket endorsement (the ONLY endorsement)…”

Customers Also Bought: “Abundance: The Future Is Better Than You Think” by Peter H. Diamandis

Footnote: “Peter D. Kiernan, former partner at Goldman Sachs, is chairman of his own venture firm.”

Becoming China’s Bitch [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

“During a speech at Wesleyan University last night, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia offered a strange revision of the time he joined with four of his conservative colleagues to make George W. Bush president: ‘It was a long time ago, people forget…It was a 7-2 decision. It wasn’t even close,” he said.'” [ThinkProgress Justice]

We have one. We bought it in 1980. We wrote a story about it for the college paper. We’ve never solved it. Fuck robots.

If there’s one thing I like it’s a nice song.

Fortunately, this is not a nice song.