[The Graph]

Ladies & Gentlemen, the pilot episode for this fall’s hottest new series, The 700 Club After Dark.

[via Right Wing Watch]

“Amid a nationwide wave of Tide laundry detergent thefts, Orange County authorities confirmed Wednesday that a Vons in Mission Viejo also has seen the big brightly colored bottles stolen off its shelves.” [LAT, via @pourmecoffee]

Above: A flag at the Lake County Florida Democratic headquarters that has Sparked! Outrage!

Jay Agg, communications director for AMVETS, told FoxNews.com that the American flag should never be altered.

“While we are pleased the flag in question has since been removed from public display, the reported fact that it had flown for months without protest is a clear indication that we have much work to do in educating the public of the importance of protecting our flag,” Agg wrote in an email. “This issue is especially important to AMVETS’ members, the men and women who have proudly worn our nation’s uniform and served under her flag.”

Below: Flags waved at an Alabama Tea Party rally in April 2009. The story doesn’t indicate whether the offending waver was taken out back and shot.

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Our guest columnist is the Texas Association of Private and Parochial Schools, a predominantly Christian athletics organization, which submitted this questionnaire to Iman Academy SW of Houston when it requested membership in 2010.

Members of the Tapps executive board have little knowledge of Islam and the Koran, so it is possible that some of the passages taken from the Koran have been taken out of context. If so, please help them understand.

• What is your attitude about the spread of Islam in America? What are the goals of your school in this regard?
• When was the Bible allegedly polluted? Does the Koran actually state that the Bible is polluted?

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So we were watching Midnight in Paris last weekend, and—

Wait. Let’s set this up.

We’ve been angry — pissed — at Woody Allen for our entire adult life. Nothing to do with Mia or Soon-Yi — just a profound disappointment in his creative product. Manhattan ties with 2001 as our favorite film ever. Stardust Memories is the last Woody Allen film we thoroughly enjoyed — and still do.

And then he fell off a cliff.

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“Former U.S. vice-president Dick Cheney has cancelled an April appearance in Toronto citing concerns Canada is too dangerous.” [National Post, via Political Wire]