[ Guardian Flash video not available. ]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5jI92Ht99Y

So it’s a few minutes before 9, and we’re at Stinque World Domination Headquarters, getting ready to walk the hundred feet up our hillock to catch the annual Fantabulous Sandy Eggo Fireworks Spectacular, where we can see all four synchronized displays at once, when there’s this Huge Fucking Rumble. We’re also across the freeway from the airport, and while occasionally a jet engine cuts through the still of night, it’s a bit odd.

We reach the top of the hill, where the usual crowd has gathered. Someone has a radio tuned to the synchronized music, which begins, as always, promptly at 9, and…

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

What we missed was the entire fucking Fantabulous Sandy Eggo Fireworks Spectacular going off at once. And, from a location similar to ours, it looked like this.

Fireworks Shot Off Early in Bay [NBC San Diego]

Our guest columnist makes up in gall what he lacks in caffeine.

Friend,

As we gather to enjoy food and fireworks today, let us also take a moment to pay tribute to the patriots who signed the Declaration of Independence — and the brave men and women who have fought to protect our freedoms through every generation that has followed.

I’m incredibly grateful to be an American. And from now until November, my campaign will carry this simple but deeply patriotic message: America’s greatest days are still ahead.

Happy Fourth of July to you and your family.

Thanks,

Mitt Romney

P.S. Show us how you honor our most patriotic holiday. Download the With Mitt iPhone app here and tag your July 4th photos with #WithMitt and we’ll feature them on our site.

[via email]

This is indescribably cool – and to think this device could and should have been located here in the US of A:

Hans is 6’4″. He’s single, versatile, into romantic candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach, and nailing Limeys.

Among the nascent nation’s most enthusiastic tea-baggers his proudest moment was receiving his gold pocket watch from Frederick of Prussia for ‘services rendered.’

OK. OK. To feed the bottomless pit of your boredom here is a linque. The best piece I’ve read on Anderson Cooper. Unaccountably published by the New York Times. I know. I’m just as surprised as you.

To honor Memorial Day a buncha Furries got together and… well one thing led to another and let’s just say the cops had to throw a bucket of cold water on them so they could pull them apart.

If you yiff a hamster is it flash?