Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Michael Savage respond to the murders carried out in their names:

Uh, guess not. But we’re sure they’ll get around to it.

On the lighter side of public shootings comes this Snickers ad from the U.K. featuring Mr. T that was yanked by Mars last week after the Human Rights Campaign complained that it was:

a) Violent.

b) Homophobic.

c) Much funnier than the crap they run in the U.S.

Answer below!

The answer is B. Chocolate-spewing Gatling guns are apparently an acceptable marketing tool.

But honestly? We’re just pissed that Mars doesn’t have the balls to use “Get Some Nuts” stateside.

How to Cut Through but Not Offend? Verizon, Snickers Latest to Fail Test [Ad Age]

So, what’s on Knoxville murderer Jim David Adkisson’s bookshelf? What else?

• Liberalism is a Mental Health Disorder, Michael Savage
• Let Freedom Ring, Sean Hannity
• The O’Reilly Factor, pompous asshole who isn’t Limbaugh

But did he read them? Well, he certainly has the party line down:

Adkisson targeted the church, [Knoxville Police Department Officer Steve] Still wrote in the document obtained by WBIR-TV, Channel 10, “because of its liberal teachings and his belief that all liberals should be killed because they were ruining the country, and that he felt that the Democrats had tied his country’s hands in the war on terror and they had ruined every institution in America with the aid of media outlets.”

But let’s be fair — we all vent sometimes. Surely he didn’t mean it:

Adkisson told Still that “he could not get to the leaders of the liberal movement that he would then target those that had voted them in to office.”

Okay, then. Message received!

Bill O’Reilly, Michael Savage, Sean Hannity on accused shooter’s reading list [KnoxNews]

(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
—bee20nine, 11:38 a.m.

That’s untrue, my wife was the choreographer for the play. There wasn’t any kind of squabbling about the play itself.
—ericmoritz, 11:45 a.m., in response to bee20nine

(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
—spindaddy, 11:46 a.m.

Pro-gun? Are you on something? I’ve gone there my whole life, and the UU church has members that have a whole spectrum opinions on the subject. But if anything, they are strongly FOR gun control…being all over non-violence and all.
—akaikasa, 11:59 a.m., in response to spindaddy

think about it: a “pro-gun” church is the LAST place someone would want to go into to try to shoot up.
—apriest, 12:07 p.m., in response to spindaddy

Well, I don’t know why anyone would ASSUME the gunman to be a Baptist…WHERE did you pull THAT from?
—daisies2187, 12:25 p.m.

my question is “What is an ‘Annie’ broadway play doing in a ‘worship’ service?”
—robert.flores, 12:44 p.m.

WHO CARES what play the children were performing?!?!
—pmeisman, 12:56 p.m.

This was a shotgun, and while someone sitting in church with a pistol in their pocket may sound terrible, if someone in this church had a pistol they could have taken this guy down with one shot and saved the last 3 or 4 people who were shot.
—justisiscumin, 2:06 p.m.

Lumpy [Lambert, county commissioner] was just on 100.3 and was braggin’ about how he and his pastor were estimatin’ that about a hundred of their parishioners were ‘packin’. Gawd, what have we come to?
—cjensen, 2:55 p.m.

this is why I ALWAYS carry a weapon, even to Church. I do believe I am the most responsible for my safety, my wife’s safety – although she too carries – and possibility of others. We do see “don’t react-call the police”. Ok, if you do have a chance to call 9-1-1 it will take them 6-14 minutes average to respond. You could be awful dead in 6-14 minutes.
—NoMoreRetreat, 6:55 p.m.

There’s more than likely people from around the nation visiting this site to try to get details of this tragedy, tonight, and all the ignorance thats been displayed on this thread will fuel the negative stereotypes for our area.
—LawnDart, 10:54 p.m.

[Comments from KnoxNews and WBIR]

[Editor’s note: We introduce a new weekly feature this morning because the old one was boring us to tears. Although we had a great line prepared about Karl Rove as Celebrity Chum for Shark Week.]

A 79-year-old Oklahoma City man was killed Thursday when he was crushed in the front seat of his car.

By a church steeple.

The man was watching a crane lift the steeple onto the new Grace Assembly of God when the crane’s arm buckled. His wife, sitting in the back seat, was unharmed. Both were longtime members.

Despite the evidence before them, church leaders remain unfazed.

“We’re looking at it from the perspective that God is a God of grace. God is a God of mercy. God is a God of love,” said Rev. Joe Hancock.

A church’s day of hope turns tragic as crane falls, killing longtime member [NewsOK]

Okla. crane fall kills man watching construction [AP]

In what is either the greatest threat to Western civilization since fluoridation, or the solution to a Malthusian future where riots break out over suspiciously tasty green crackers, researchers have discovered a link between soy consumption and reduced male fertility.

And the soy industry is not taking it laying down.

Nigel Duffin, who runs the Soya Protein Association when he’s not moonlighting as lead guitar for Spinal Tap, claims the Harvard report fails to tell the whole load-blowing story:

Several studies have been conducted into soya and fertility, including a study undertaken in 2001, where healthy young men where supplemented with soya during a two-month period. Ejaculated volume, sperm concentration, count and motility of sperm cells were not affected. No soya study with humans has ever shown a negative relationship between soya and sperm mobility and quality.

Duffin goes on to point out that since Asians fuck like bunnies, the Harvard researchers must have overlooked more obvious causes. But the more pressing question is this: What are the protocols for those studies? And when will Whole Foods start stocking Soy Porn?

Soya not the cause of low sperm counts [Guardian UK]

Although, now that you mention it, the deer threesome is a thing to behold. And we’d really like to get the Back-Door Pandas as a gift for that special someone, but the museum store seems to be down at the moment. But at least we now know what Colonel Hathi and Winifred were doing when Junior wasn’t looking.

Animals Get Freaky at Museum of Sex [Wired]

Sex Lives of Animals (press images) [Museum of Sex]