Speaking of Leni Riefenstahl, which seemed unavoidable yesterday, remember the 2004 Olympics? The games featuring the debut of “free Iraq”? It made for great political theater, bringing an election-year tear to everyone’s eye.

Well, um, not this time.

No, the Iraqis haven’t been overcome by Free Tibet solidarity. Instead, they’re in a pissing match with the International Olympic Committee over the membership of their national committee. The Iraqi government replaced the IOC-approved committee after it failed to meet a quorum, and the IOC condemns such “political interference.”

Which, on most days, would be the punchline.

But not this day. As befits a country whose citizens now lead what John McCain calls “normal lives,” the fired committee failed to meet its quorum because four of its members were kidnapped two years ago and remain missing.

Iraqi Athletes ‘Unlikely’ to Compete at Olympics [NYT]

We’re having a hard time finding something to piss us off at the moment, and we really don’t want to resort to Mystery Paultard Rock Stars, so let’s type “outrage” into Google News and see what turns up:

The parent of teen Wiffle ball player expressed outrage yesterday…

See? Right there — right there — our faith in America is restored. As long as it’s still possible, in the year of our fucking lord 2008, to start a sentence like that without pitching it to the Onion, we just might yet regain our virginity as a nation.

Okay, so it’s Connecticut. But still.

So here’s the deal: Some juvenile delinquents have riled up the town by creating an unauthorized wiffle-ball field on a drainage lot. The neighbors are so upset by this disrespect for authority that one of them anonymously mailed a kid’s police report to the rest — attached to a snide note saying “Wiffle ball kids are great kids.”

The offense? Stealing fireworks from a house. Clearly a Bad Seed.

And thus the outrage, since juvenile records should be private.

Alas, the story doesn’t have a happy ending — the town shut down the field last Friday. On the other hand, the nearby manufacturers of Wiffle balls say sales are booming from the publicity.

Leaked report causes outrage [Greenwich Time]

It’s a “double-elimination” tournament. Don’t ask.

Delphos (Ohio) Herald

“I don’t agree with everything that Pastor Hagee’s done and said… but there is so much more important than that that we agree on.”
  —Joe Lieberman, speaking Tuesday night
  to John Hagee’s Christians United for Israel

• “All hurricanes are acts of God, because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they are — were recipients of the judgment of God for that.” (Fresh Air, 2006)
• “Slavery in America is returning to Cornerstone… Make plans to come and go home with a slave.” (“Slave sale” fundraiser in Cornerstone Church newsletter, 1996)
• “Most readers will be shocked by the clear record of history linking Adolf Hitler and the Roman Catholic Church in a conspiracy to exterminate the Jews.” (Jerusalem Countdown, 2006)
• “Islam in general, those who live by the Quran have a scriptural mandate to kill Christians and Jews.” (Fresh Air, 2006)
• “It is the natural desire of a woman to lead through feminine manipulation of the man… Fallen women will try to dominate the marriage.” (What Every Man Wants in a Woman, 2005)
• “The military will have difficultly recruiting healthy and strong heterosexuals for combat purposes. Why? Fighting in combat with a man in your fox hole that has AIDS or is HIV positive is double jeopardy.” (Bible Positions on Political Issues, 1992)
• “Homosexuality means the death of society because homosexuals can recruit, but they cannot reproduce.” (What Every Man Wants in a Woman, 2005)

Lieberman praises pastor repudiated by McCain [Reuters]

Citations from Media Matters (2/28/08, 3/14/08, 3/25/08)

I’m sorry I’m late, but Barack Obama’s opposition to offshore drilling made me miss a turn. This after I waited in line ten minutes for a frappamochamuthafucka, only to discover that Obama’s stance on parental responsibility prevented me from hitting the bank machine first.

I was going to text you, but my cell has sucked ever since Obama’s healthcare policy caused me to drop it in the toilet. And my plans to replace it with a new iPhone were thwarted when Obama’s college tax-credit proposal forced me to attend a Batman matinee instead.

But perhaps I’m being too harsh on myself. Life’s been rough after Obama’s proposed immigration reforms compelled me to sleep with my best friend’s wife. And I know that if not for Obama’s plan to provide affordable broadband coverage across rural America, I’d have been born to different parents.

Anyway, forget all that, I’m here now. Wait — do I know you?

McCain Ad Takes On Obama Over Gas Prices [NYT]

2002: “Saddam Hussein is the most significant threat to our national security, and we must take strong action to pry the poisons, toxins, and the plans for nuclear weapons out of his hands.”

2003: “This is a day to face facts. Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. That is a fact.”

2004: “A democracy such as ours can only go to war and win with the informed support of the people.”

2005: “It is time for us to set aside for now the arguments about why we got into Iraq so that we can work together on how we can get out best in victory and honor with the job done.”

2006: “I hope that the Prime Minister [Malaki] takes away from his visit here that the US will continue to back him in his fight to build a stable, secure, democratic and independent Iraq, but that success in that quest will not depend on us.”

2007: “Precisely because [the] United States did invade Iraq, we are more, not less, responsible for stopping the atrocities unfolding there now.”

2008: “The fact is that if Barack Obama’s policy on Iraq had been implemented, Barack Obama couldn’t go to Iraq today. It wouldn’t be safe.”

The Surge: Who Was Right? Lieberman and Bayh Square Off [Fox]

“We want to stay there to a victory, because we don’t want all those who have served in the American uniform there to have served, or in some cases died, in vain.”

We almost went with “White Light/White Heat”, mainly because we think we our head just exploded.

Lieberman: Obama’s Iraq Trip Only Possible Because of McCain [ABC]