The year started with the signing of the No Child Left Behind act — under which the word “reductionism” was ordered stricken from vocabulary textbooks.  (It wouldn’t be on the test in a million years, so why bother?)

In related news: the Axis of Evil, the entrenchment of the Bush Doctrine (and at a graudation address at West Point, the first major public pronouncement of preemptive war as a foreign policy), a shift of focus away from Osama bin Laden (or, at least, the public disclosure of this shift), “regime change,” “Coalition of the Willing” and Toby Keith.  And, finally: the vote on the war — during which liberals totally forgot about the Klan and the pork and fell madly in love with Robert Byrd. 

Also: after getting stoned and contemplating a bowl of Lifesavers candy, the government gave birth to the Threat Levels — two of which have a lot of dust on them.  And President Bush damn near bought it after failing to correctly eat a pretzel.

Despite it all: the GOP still managed to take back the Senate.  Max Cleland, a war hero, got aced by a guy who basically said that Cleland had a total mancrush on Osama.  It would be nice to say, “well, it was just Georgia being Georgia” and leave it at that.  But that wasn’t the case, of course.

Your Exclusive Stinque Seven-Day Forecast will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you this Stinque special.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLPhhu7e0bE

So: our long national nightmare is almost over. Thus: let us review the Bush administration, year by year. Please add your thoughts and observations. And then, let us never speak of it again.

His inaugural motorcade was pelted with eggs — an indignity that Gilded Age performers endured.  The next day: his very first gag order. Michael Brown came to Washington, a submariner piloted his boat into a Japanese fishing vessel, and a spy plane commander collided with a Chinese air force jet.  None of the three knew what the fuck was going on. The Presidential Daily Briefs sent to Crawford were barely read, and the stem cell “research” speech given from there was sophomoric.

And then: September 11 came. Deer, meet headlights. But most people went right along with everything he wanted, as if the first eight months told them absolutely nothing. Seriously, people — there was more foreshadowing than a Bronte novel.

Rove Needed Mike Connell Silenced. Now Conveniently He is FUCKING DEAD!

GOP vote tampering stormtrooper Mike Connell died in a suspicious plan wreck Friday, after giving a deposition on Nov. 3 related to a civil suit on vote tampering in Ohio during the 2004 presidential election and, according to some reports, enduring threats from Karl Rove that he must take the fall for rigging the election results.

Akron, Ohio residents who witnessed the crash told investigators and media they heard Connell’s single engine plane approaching the residential neighborhood where it crashed, in an apparent attempt to make an emergency landing. One neighbor said they could hear the plane’s engine cutting on and off before the flaming crash.

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Caligutard Throws Back His Pisco Sour in a Drunken Display that Repulsed Heads of State at the the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Summit in Lima. Is Hitler's Banker's Grandson Celebrating His Incompetence with a Return to Spewing Public Drunkeness Like a Dimwitted Frat Boy?

Pathetic imbecile Caligutard is spending his last days as president in a state of alcoholic stupor, grabbing at the juice like the self-pitying, self-deluded sackless bag of emu shit he is, all the while cackling in twisted delight at the unfolding chaos around him. The repellent weasel-faced sadist is, however, such a bundle of righteous self-hatred it’s hard to interpret what set up this latest exhibition of public drunkeness.

Could it be he is burdened by some sense of responsibility for leading America to its doom, cratering the world economy and driving all of western civilization to cannibal anarchy? Nah. Down deep, he loves inflicting pain, death and destruction and, like all Republicans, he wants to feast on human flesh, the poorer and more desperate the victim, the better.

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Caligutard Lunges for Michelle's Taut Delicious Derriere as Michelle Comforts Laura and President Elect Barack Obama Chuckles in Disbelief. "Everyone told me he was gay," Obama said, "Something about him and Victor Ashe being a thing."

The historic meeting of the Caligutard, America’s first mentally retarded president, and Barack Obama, America’s first mocha president elect, ended with Mr Obama pulling his wife, Michelle, away from the Caligutard when he lunged for her extended bottom as she leaned over to comfort First Lady Laura Bush, who lives in a perpetual state of suicidal depression from living with the president.

Michelle Obama jerked back suddenly when her husband pulled her away and she saw the Caligutard was displaying an erection that looked exactly like a donkey. “Ooooh, Pedro, he like you, senora,” Caligutard cooed.

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While Shrub waits for historians to vindicate him a century from now, let us commemorate his singular achievement:

“No other president’s disapproval rating has gone higher than 70 percent. Bush has managed to do that three times so far this year,” says CNN polling director Keating Holland. “That means that Bush is now more unpopular than Richard Nixon was when he resigned from office during Watergate with a 66 percent disapproval rating.”

Bush leaving office more unpopular than Nixon [CNN]