Wikipedia informs me that our dear friend, Carrie Prejean, currently attends a joint known as “San Diego Christian College,” which is affiliated with the Southern Baptists, is a nerve center for creationism (which doesn’t really believe in “nerve centers” to be honest), and was the brain child of Tim LaHaye, of Left Behind fame.

So: the worst colleges in California, from worst to merely awful, are:

1. Taft Law School

2. San Diego Christian College

3. U$C

4. Thomas Jefferson School of Law

5. ITT Tech (various campuses)

(Long way, I know, to say “come on, Cardinal!”  But it works for me.)

We don’t know who Larry Johnson is, but apparently he’s about to break the all-time rushing record for the Kansas City Chiefs. That is, if he doesn’t shoot off his mouth first:

We told you about Johnson’s comments Sunday night, when he took shots at his coach Todd Haley. Johnson compared his father’s football career playing for a legendary youth coach and then briefly playing in the NFL to Haley, who played golf and then “nuthn.”

Not content to rest after that, Johnson then responded to a Twitter follower that reminded Johnson of the incident last year in which Johnson allegedly spit a drink into a woman’s face. L.J. used a three-letter homophobic epithet to get his point across in response.

According to Yahoo! (and some of our commenters), Johnson wrote, “think bout a clever diss then that wit ur [expletive] pic. Christopher street boy. Is what us east coast cats call u.”

The slam added ammunition to a 31,000-signature fan petition demanding that the apparently unpopular Johnson be benched before he breaks the team record. Johnson quickly took his Twitter feed private, but not before getting in a final dig at critics: “Still richer than u.”

Which reminds of a line we’d like to say our father taught us, except for the fact we just made it up: All the money in the world, and he still can’t buy a clue.

Larry Johnson continues Twitter meltdown [NBC]

If you follow Sport as closely as we don’t, you’ll appreciate the significance of the following:

In another gesture to welcome Minnesota quarterback Brett Favre, Green Bay city officials sported flip-flop sandals at work Friday.

The new fashion statements are aimed at poking fun at Brett’s decision-making about his retirement retirements career.

“I think it’s a fun idea. I think that Brett would probably actually be proud that we chose to have this kind of fun without going in to a negative, of a way,” Andre Jacque in the mayor’s office said.

That’s all well and good, but how many computers in the Green Bay mayor’s office have visited Burn Brett Favre?

Today’s big college matchup appears to be the fourth-ranked USC Spoiled Children playing in Eugene against the tenth-ranked Oregon Disney-Authorized Mascots, so let’s get a preview:

On the opposite side of the ball, I see USC attempting to push around Oregon’s undersized defensive line. The Duck linemen have done an excellent job this year, but have not faced an O-line of USC’s caliber. I expect USC to attempt to pound the ball, grind out some clock, and take a few shots downfield on Oregon’s young secondary. Oregon’s speed is great on the line and at the linebackers, so I don’t think USC will be very successful on the edges. But, if USC can run the ball and force Oregon to bring safety help to stop the run, Oregon could be in for a long day, as the young corners will be all alone.

We’re sure that means something, but talk like that makes as little sense to us now as it did when we were in the Oregon marching band. Which is why we always hid a convenient flask inside our comfy uniform.

Q&A with Addicted to Quack [Conquest Chronicles]

Please note: “Account must be opened in the name of the individual recipient planning to be inseminated.”

Donor 11437: 5ʹ10ʺ, 164 pounds, wavy brown hair, hazel eyes, English/Irish/Scottish.

Resembles: Brett Favre, Ben Affleck, Brody Jenner.

Up Close and Personal: “You may be looking at the next Richard Branson-esque billionaire, activist, adventurer.”

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Vince Lombardi was a famously butch football coach, although our vague memory of him denying players sideline heaters during the Ice Bowl seems to be faulty. Still, Lombardi was a pussy compared to the assistant coach at Lakeland, Florida’s Kathleen High:

[Christopher Michael] Campbell of Lakeland pointed the knife in a threatening manner several times at one of the players, 16-year-old Otis Buford, “poking him and tapping him on the chest and on the helmet with it while also verbally threatening him,” deputies said in a news release…

Deputies said Campbell admitted to [athletic director Gary] Lineberger that he brought the knife to practice and that he told players, “Don’t try me today.”

Coming from a university whose mascot is a cartoon waterfowl, we can appreciate the challenges faced by coaches at Kathleen High. But if the team is “very close” to the coach, as the A.D. says, one question comes to mind: Who finked?

Lakeland assistant coach arrested for having knife at practice [Tampa Tribune]

It’s the first Sunday of The Great NFL Fan Strike, so let’s check in with the Dittoheads who are giving up America’s Corporate Pasttime in solidarity with their Oxy-addled leader who cared too much:

• Margarita: “First the commies took the auto industry then they’re working on national health care scam…but the NFL????”
• Mary: “Frankly, this is even worse than the entire steroid scandal.”
• Glenn: “The NFL…yet another bunch of liberal mind controlled by Obama creeps.”
• Bobby: “An attack on Rush like this is an attack on all of us. People said that I was paranoid when I told them that my car had been vandalized just because I had conservative bumper stickers on it.”

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