We Stagger the Line

Belch, Ducks, Belch!Today’s big college matchup appears to be the fourth-ranked USC Spoiled Children playing in Eugene against the tenth-ranked Oregon Disney-Authorized Mascots, so let’s get a preview:

On the opposite side of the ball, I see USC attempting to push around Oregon’s undersized defensive line. The Duck linemen have done an excellent job this year, but have not faced an O-line of USC’s caliber. I expect USC to attempt to pound the ball, grind out some clock, and take a few shots downfield on Oregon’s young secondary. Oregon’s speed is great on the line and at the linebackers, so I don’t think USC will be very successful on the edges. But, if USC can run the ball and force Oregon to bring safety help to stop the run, Oregon could be in for a long day, as the young corners will be all alone.

We’re sure that means something, but talk like that makes as little sense to us now as it did when we were in the Oregon marching band. Which is why we always hid a convenient flask inside our comfy uniform.

Q&A with Addicted to Quack [Conquest Chronicles]

I have no idea what any of this means. Marching band? Musicians who march? Sounds about as improbable as dancers who think. Unless you’re doing a revival of The Music Man. Shapoopie!

But I have to report that the apple vodka works. So woo! And here I am at my desk.

Oh, Benedick. Not all marching bands march. Damn, sometimes I miss the LSJUMB.

True story: my freshman year, I happened to be in the City for the Chinese New Year parade. The Band was there. And so I crashed the gates and ran with the Band. They cared not — I was a known entity, being a radio guy, so they let me push the shopping cart of booze. And I followed them all the way down to Market and near the CalTrain station for a satisfied ride home. Lovely.

Oh, and Phil Knight’s on GameDay right now making picks. Gee.

@chicago bureau: Oh, and The Spotted Owl routine? They marched their asses off on that one, especially for the chainsaw part. The YouTube quality is pretty poor, but here’s what got us banned from ::cough:: the University of Oregon.

NB The marijuana leaf suggestion to grow pot as a local industry at the end.

@chicago bureau: Oh, and Phil Knight’s on GameDay right now making picks.

Which means it’s time for the Oregon campus-building roll call!

Knight Library
Knight Law Center
Knight Arena

We thank you for your sneaker support.

Fight on, Ducks!!

I’m looking for this headline in tomorrow’s LA Times: Bruins Whipped By Beavers.

@Dodgerblue: When we weren’t chanting “Ducks Eat Beavers,” we were singing “Eat a Beaver, Save a Tree…”

JNOV: I’ve seen the Youtubes, but I got you one better — I was in the stands for the LSJUMB show that got the Band permanently banned from Notre Dame.

There are two things you don’t do to Notre Dame — make fun of (a) contraception or (b) the Potato Famine.

DEVELOPING HARD SPORT: Iowa beat Indiana to go to 9-0, but look like total shit doing it. “They’d be robbed if they didn’t go to the national title game” my ass.

@chicago bureau: YOU WIN!

My understanding of that performance is that the band leader was first dressed as a Hasidic Jew, and no one cared. But when he donned the habit and used a crucifix to lead the band, well, then there was H-E-Double Hockeysticks to pay!

I wish I could find the video of these folks in Palo Alto who went out into their backyard to investigate some strange noises — it was the band playing in the neighbor’s yard. I love the band!

Sport: Ducks looking good in apparently sunny Oregon while Baseball ironically waiting out weather fit for a duck.

@Just Nabisco: Never fear, it’s raining in Eugene.

How about those Longhorns? Jordan Shipley for the Heisman.

Crowd in Eugene is singing “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi. Love those quacking ducks!

@SanFranLefty: Nice, honey. Let’s just see what happens when the Ducks come to Shallow Alto next Saturday.

[SFL predicts LSJSU/Cardinal/Tree blood flowing in the streets past the Caltrain station, boutiques, and Spago, no doubt]

The announcers just said “UT just looks like the best team in the country.”

Just please, dear FSM, don’t jinx us, and OMFFSM, please don’t let the Longhorns choke to the Aggies.

Whoo-hoo! Mr. SFL threadjacks my account:

The OU U of O Duck is bodysurfing the crowd on the Autzen Stadium Field in Eugene!! And USC hasn’t lost by this much in years and years. HAPPY Halloween in Eugene.

@nojo: No labels, no hate, no judgment. I just type down what I’m told.

The important thing is U$C got their white asses spanked.

ADD: Mr. SFL informs me I incorrectly transcribed his remarks and he would have never said OU.

Dodgerblue: Yes. The pre-game show against the pill featured tubas, wearing streamers. A semicircle barred the tubas from running towards a small circle on the other side. Drum major, dressed as a bishop (with a crook, and not a crucifix — the guy with the crucifix did that at Notre Dame Stadium and was consequentially violently attacked by a nun) goes to the semicircle and does a Moses-parting-the-Red-Sea bit, and tubas spill towards the circle on the other side. One tuba, after some effort, breaks through the circle, thus fertilizing it. All band members cheer.

Halftime show was less conceptual, and more direct. “There are two things the Irish are known for. Fighting, and starving. Oh, Irish, why can’t you love?” That really boiled Notre Dame’s, er, potatoes.

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