The early leader for “Storyline Bob Costas Is Beating To Death” is the whole “no golds for Canada in Olympics held on home soil” deal.  Apart from the fact that home soil is not normally touched in the Winter Olympics unless the snow melts (that’s in the mail for sure, on recent evidence), Canada’s done just fine.  At Torino, they nabbed 7 golds, and 24 overall — good for fifth.

One of those went to Jennifer Heil in moguls.  Ah, but looky here! Hannah Kearney (right) of Norwich, Vt. — Vermont, bitches! — beat out Heil to take U.S. America’s first super-duper shiny object.  Two things about the moguls — (1) my knees hurt just watching that, and (2) you can’t tell the difference between one run and another.  In that regard, it’s like figure skating without spandex, and with more stoners.

Anyway: Canada’s not starving for gold.  Tone it down, Bob.  (And that’s a general instruction, Bob, applicable to all things.)

Briefly: USA hockey (wimmin) draw China to open their run this afternoon (basic cable).  Mothership has more luge (safer than advertised, thank God).  Also: nordic combined has, in a shock, a dark horse American in the mix, and the fellas take to the bumps.  And ice pairs, for those into spandex.

Word is that — yes — the luge competition will go on.  Tonight.  In prime-time.  Notwithstanding the fact that a guy died on the track yesterday.  AP / NBC confirms it:

Fast and frightening, yes. Responsible for the death of a luger, no. 

Olympic officials decided late Friday night against any major changes in the track or any delays in competition and even doubled up on the schedule in the wake of the horrifying accident that claimed the life of a 21-year-old luger from the republic of Georgia.

They said they would raise the wall where the slider flew off the track and make an unspecified “change in the ice profile” – but only as a preventative measure “to avoid that such an extremely exceptional accident could occur again.” …

The International Luge Federation and Vancouver Olympic officials said their investigation showed that the crash was the result of human error and that “there was no indication that the accident was caused by deficiencies in the track.”

Last night, the local NBC affiliate in Chicago (who sent a reporter to Vancouver for some unknown reason) said that the B.C. coroner’s office and the RCMP were conducting an investigation and would not release the track to training, much less competition, until the investigation was complete.  The investigation, it seems, took no longer than an investigation on the Dan Ryan at rush-hour.  Positively criminal.

Remainder of the docket, and other thoughts, post-jump.

Read more »

It’s violence, committee meetings, commercialism, and a pure hatred of all things Tim Tebow.  America, eat your heart out.  Literally.

It’s your Second Annual Stinque Super Bowl Liveblog everyone!  More commentary and hijinks post-jump.

1806 (ET) — Well, just got back on a drive from Saint Louis, for a Blackhawks road game.  Hawks fans arrived in droves all day yesterday.  It was a cool vibe, as you might suspect.  Something about Sport binds certain folks together.  It’s hard to describe, really.  Saints’ fans have the same mentality, as you know.

1817 — WARNING: the Internets are clogging up something fierce at the moment.  Technical difficulties are not limited to the refs’ field mikes.  Bear with us.  (ADD: Maybe it was just my computer getting balky for no good reason, momentarily.  All is well.)

Read more »

And Sarah Palin can play point guard:

A new professional basketball league boasting rosters made up exclusively of white Americans has its eyes set on Augusta, but the team isn’t receiving a warm welcome.

The All-American Basketball Alliance announced in a news release Sunday evening that it intends to start its inaugural season in June and hopes Augusta will be one of 12 cities with a team.

“Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league,” the statement said.

Racism? Of course not, says AABA Commissioner Don “Moose” “No, we’re not making this up” Lewis:

Read more »

It’s been a while for a post from me.  Sorry — work, work, no usable internet connection at work, work.  So I need to come back with a bang.

In that spirit, I offer the greatest thing ever.  Hurry Hard Condoms, sponsored by — yes — USA Curling.  (Curling is that sport that everybody falls in love with during the Winter Olympics after they get sick of wall-to-wall figure skating, and is the second national sport of Canada City.  It’s the one with rocks that people sweep, with brooms, up and down the ice, with people yelling HURRY! and HARD! at the sweepers.  Hence, the humor.)

There’s other curling jargon that is appropriate here, such as “the button,” “double takeout,” “hack,” “pebble,” “swingy,” and “biter.”  But I will leave that alone and leave you to contemplate whether curlers actually get any, thus necessitating the need for Hurry Hard Condoms.

[Noted: the condoms were released as a part of awareness-raising for World AIDS Day a couple of weeks ago.  So I should feel awful for poking fun, and you should feel awful for the laughs (pity or otherwise).  We are all AWFUL.]

[Also noted: while I was in Madison, I curled for a year.  It’s a great sport played by, well, almost uniformly dull people.  But curling is kind of out there.  Indie rock for accountants and insurance salesmen, perhaps.  And it is one of the ways good Wisconsinites and Minnesotans take out their aggression without killing animals.  So there’s that.]

Those Nekkid Cellphone Pix must be just around the corner:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try…

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

We congratulate Tiger for providing the world an entertaining distraction from the depressing news of the day. Golf will never be the same.

Text of statement by Tiger Woods [AP, via SFL]

In case this hasn’t landed in your in-box yet, it will soon. The genius is unknown, but the original is here.