Tiger Enters the Clubhouse Twelve Over Par

We just can't help ourselves.Those Nekkid Cellphone Pix must be just around the corner:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try…

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

We congratulate Tiger for providing the world an entertaining distraction from the depressing news of the day. Golf will never be the same.

Text of statement by Tiger Woods [AP, via SFL]

Is that an image of what a golf course looks like to Tiger?

I’m guessing Tiger doesn’t want to have all those people making fun of him or asking him to show his Wood.

Hold up hold up… Are we really hearing that Tiger’s cock shots are gonna be published… where? People, maybe? Porn really has gone mainstream.

Meanwhile, I just dispatched Mr. SFL to go buy more vodka after I saw these photos of Michael Steele getting jiggy with his young interns.

Nojo, much like you have that awesome stock photo of Talibunny you use to illustrate stories, all future stories involving Michael Steele must include photo #1.

@SanFranLefty: I like photo #5 where he is mugging the dweeb.

@SanFranLefty: That’s rich. Reminds me of the “good old days” of laughing at the Khaki boys and their Italian loafers over on Brand W. Those props that Steele is posing with are the same “fine young Republicans” who get drunk and run away from the “Ethiopians”.

@FlyingChainSaw: Agreed. And wasn’t “Mugging the Dweeb” an out take from the “Overnight Sensation” sessions?

@SanFranLefty: We need to call the TSA and ask if they have been entered into the Do Not Fly database.




I Have more soul than that Steele dude.

The voice of Nightrider has more soul than him, even.


ADD: This comment from over there is genius.

06:59 PM

Nope, I blame the kids. I totally expect this from Steele.

The kids, yeah the kids, they know this is the kind of thing you hide in your backpack until your mother searches your room for drugs and sees the “adorable” picture you took with some challenged kid in class, so now she thinks you’re like Jesus Christ himself, sitting with the idiots, brushing the hair of the outcasts, yah, she thinks that’s you. Instead of the guy who has the “Nasty McShizzle” remix to Taylor Swifts’ You Belong With Me as his ring tone, steals $20 bucks from mom’s purse every Friday night so you can go peeing on houses and drinking jaeger with your “dope” homeeez in your supped up Prius after you leave your “weed spot” down by the train tracks. Yeah, you knew better than to pose with Steele, but whaddya gonna do, tell him no? Not when you were stealing Sharpies, a case of copy paper, the key codes to John McCain’s house, and looking at “Hot Asian Chick Dongs” on the RNC intranet two minutes before he appeared out-the-fucking-blue and asked if you’d like to “goof it up” with the photographer until all the other “Stiff suit windbags show up, har, har.”

The things you do to get into Yale Law. *sigh*

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: My favorite Gawker comment was that it was probably the most interaction these kids had ever had with a black man.

Its kinda sad, he has no problem playing stepin-fetchit, does he?

As for Tiger, its not so much he entered the clubhouse 12 over par, its that he only played 12 holes. You’d think he would have had the goal of playing 18.

@Promnight: I’ll be happy to play the tape in slow-mo of Steele trying to hold off tea-baggers armed with spear guns and concussion grenades and freeze frame on the RNC neonazi who finally drives a hunting knife through his fucking skull and rips out his eyes and skull fucks him to death. What the fuck did he think he was going to fucking do with the RNC except watch it devolve into the unofficial home office for an apocalyptic neonazi end-timer cult. Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahaha! Die, Mikey, fucking die!

@FlyingChainSaw: Strange currents afoot in our national psyche, eh, FCS? The Tea Party movement, thats what we have to call it, it has actually gained, despite all the laughter and derision, and even the establishment GOP resistance at first.

Despite the astroturf funding, despite the idiocy and incoherence, its hanging around, and Talibunny seems to have tapped into it without engaging in any kind of power struggle with it.

It seems to have tapped into the incoherent rage of the uninformed and unintelligent, seduced them with a vague notion that their cause is the cause of the revolutionary war patriots, based on romantic and just plain stupid and false analogies, but it works, because these morons never got beyond grade school civics, and the revolutionary war patriots are a powerful symbol to them.

I am going to go back to a theme in my understanding of the world, its the recognition of the fact that when people believe something, that they don’t really understand, their belief is of a superstitious, religious nature, even if what they believe is based on fact. I picked this up from Stevie Wonder’s song, superstition, where he says, “when you believe in things, that you don’t understand,” its superstition.

Magical thinking. If your mind does not work logically, if you don’t have the knowledge and/or capacity to discern the difference between fact and perception, opinion, if all your mind is capable of is emotion-based connections between ideas you don’t understand, but feel good about, your entire world is all superstition.

This Tea Party shit is not a flash in the pan, its the birth of a religion, friends.

@Promnight: If it had been me, you bet it would have been 18 holes. At least.

Riches and fame are wasted on the rich and famous.

@Promnight: The fucking cult of hate and fucking jesus and kill-the-browns and -homos and fucking librul fucks, die, die, die has, you correctly surmised, devolved into a bible humping psychopathic tribe dedicated to the decimation of everything the ultra-rich tell them to hate. They are so radical! They are so FUCKED! Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahaha! FUCKED! Their insurance premiums will double SIX TIMES next year and then their employer will just cancel the policy and send all the employees a copy of Mary Baker Eddy’s treatise on fuck-me-jesus and health. Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahaha! If only the fucking librul, fucking gay, fucking commie, fucking chardonnay-sucking, fucking atheist, fucking city-dwelling motherfucking America-hating fucks would just fucking bite down hard on live grenades America could be prosperous again and every household would be owned outright and everyone would have 100s of slaves to chew the smegma from their genitals! Ha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: That is my favorite comment too! We should do lunch or something.

@Promnight: Magical thinking:

It’s almost like when a shining Unicorn you always secretly knew was true stands tall and proud, collecting accolades and laurel wreaths from the adoring masses of the (Western) culture that reveres it, and a melancholy tear slips from your eye because even if deep down you understand it’s a Myth come to Life, you can’t help but be swept up in the anthemic emotional wonderfulness of it all, and it makes you feel good for a moment, like for once you’re on the winning team and certainly things will be much better now that the Unicorn has finally materialized.

Meanwhile the Unicorn’s hooves are busy shredding the tattered remnants of some inconsequential “piece of paper”, for instance the Constitution of the United States of America, and perhaps those hooves cleave through the skulls of a few (thousand) unfortunate peasants captured on the battlefields and sent to indefinite detention at Bagram, the men and women around the world who have been jailed and beaten in the pursuit of justice, just let’s say, but really all of that is to be forgiven because the Unicorn is noble and bright and articulate, and so much better than the ass who held the stage before him.

See? I managed to get through almost a whole day without criticizing Dear Leader!

@Promnight: Nah. It is the funeral coterie at the funeral of the Republican party.


He still like good in a tee- shirt for a man his age. For now.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Oh yeah, I’m not sayin’ I wouldn’t hit that. Just trying to keep it real.

now THAT is the chainsaw I have come to know and love! Bravo buddy!

I am drunk and commenting from my Iphone at a strip club, canu tell? And if that seems out of character for me, consider this: I am at a strip club and texting you guys.


@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches:
If it were a “breeder” strip club, I’d be stunned.

At home tonight because all my friends have work Xmas parties to go to so I’m watching “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” on DVD.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Even though I likes the hoo-ha, I betcha that strip clubs skeeve me as much or more than they do you. Boobs are fascinating for a while, there is some magic in boobies bouncing around, but that soon fades and I just feel disgusted at the behavior of the men, boys, rather, and the sordidness of it.

Its at strip clubs where you witness the falseness of machismo, the charade, to me, of frat-boy sexuality. The boys put on an act of being so frenzied by the women, but its not real, they are really just trying to send the message to their bros that they are really, really heterosexual, “look how hetero I am, I am gonna scream and yell and act like an idiot because there are boobs and hoo-has on display, look how hetero I am.” “I’m going to callously degrade these women and treat them like pieces of meat, because thats what my male culture tells me have to do to be a real macho hetero dude.”

And as I have pointed out many times, its ironic because in the end, its not about being attracted to women, for these guys, its about displaying their desire for women for the real reason of using that to gain respect and status from other males. These dudes aren’t really into women, they are into men, they are using women to gain the affection they really crave, the affection of their buddies, other men.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I am almost drunk and wishing I were at that strip club. I’ve actually never been to one. Have a lap dance for me. Tell Mr. Catt it’s “for the cause”.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: You’re not really *at* a strip club until you give the stripper $10 to sniff the pole and write a 10,000-word essay on the aroma.

@Pedonator: My best friend’s ex-boyfriend took her to a strip club once and proceeded to buy her a lap dance which took place in a private room where he could not see. I still can’t wrap my mind around that one.

@Promnight: I’m sure you’re spot-on about the strip clubs, for the titties-dancing-round-the-pole type. I’m not sure I want to know what dark motives compel gay men to go to male strip clubs, where probably half of the strippers are hetero.

Not that I think Tommm has dark motives. Like I said, I could go there sometime — probably just once. Especially if one of the strippers is a “cowboy”. Except he’d take his hat and boots off way too soon.

Oh — should I be on the Stinque After Dark thread at this point?

@Promnight: @manchucandidate: Ot is a straight strip club. It is hard, actually, to find a gay atrip club, mostly because mainstream gay bars feature almost naked boys as a regular feature; Men of any type know what they like, and gays are brutally honest about it.

I am at JoJos clown room in la. The girls don’t quite get naked, not quite. There is a nipple Jere or there, or some legs spread awfully wide as they mount the glistening pole, but for the most part there isn’t much here that wouldn’t seem unremarkable at the beach. More tatoos, I suppose, and one of the strippers here is about my age and leveraging her resblemce to Sarah Palin. The men ate awfully subdued, quiet even. I thunk thet are behaving in hopes that one of the girls will come talk to them for a bit. I thinkthey ate required to do that, it is part of the act. It does make the boys behave.

@mellbell: If it was man-strippers, the ex-bf sounds like an adventurous, generous soul who wanted to see your friend have a good time. I hope the separation was amicable?

If it was woman-strippers, hmmm. I’d have to ponder that a while.


Fuck you chainsaw, do you want me to throw up? I just saw a LABIA for the first rime in 20 years. Ok? Go easy.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Oh My.

Mr. Pedo was regularly dragged to hetero strip clubs when he worked at a certain job, even though his co-workers knew he wasn’t that way and were fine about it. I guess I’d do that just to make good with the co-workers, but only for an hour or so. It would be like the office Christmas Holiday party.

@mellbell: My guess is he was working a long-term strategy to get her to agree to a 3 way. Seriously. Trying to work her into agreeing to another woman in their bed.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Remember! You’re a Stingue.com cultural attache now! GET YOUR FACE INTO IT!

@Pedonator: It is fun in a kind of flyover-state, airport lounge way I suppose. Still, someone should tell these girls that a little eyeshadow goes a long way.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Hey, labia are nice. Really, are they repulsive to you guys? I don’t think dicks are repulsive, I just don’t want one in me. Assholes, what guy doesn’t want the backdoor, at least once, as an experiment, from the woman? You really find the female girly parts repulsive?

This should be on After Dark, but this is where the conversation is happening.

A question: Orgy? Ever? 4, 5, 6, or more, in one bed? Anyone? I think its a 70s thing, it seems, anyway.

@Promnight: You really find the female girly parts repulsive?

Not at all. I once spent a good 30 minutes or so pleasuring the girly parts of my friend’s girlfriend, while he had his thumb up my butt, and it wasn’t repulsive at all. But that was an unplanned deviant aberration.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: GIVE HER THE $20 AND GET A CAB!

@Promnight: Not repulsive. Just…wet…in an unfamilar way. Aorta.

Does that make any sense? Mind you, this is from someone who tosses salad with great verve and a sense of the gourmet about the whole thing.

Golf Digest cover: “10 Tips Obama Can Get from Tiger” (or something like that).

Seen at Wal Mart tonight: tattoos and body art sets for 8 year old girls.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches:
Naw, it’s generally quiet in a Hetro strip club unless it’s Montreal or Las Vegas (or so I’ve heard.)

Some guys are like what you describe. Some are just there to see nekkid ladies. It takes all kinds.

It’s a strange world that I’m glad I have no connection to anymore (an ex was a stripper.)

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I will admit that it does look like an inside part somehow visible from the outside. I get what you mean by aorta. But if you are seeing wet pussy in this strip club, thats, well, people who like strip clubs would consider that the ne plus ulra.

@redmanlaw: RML, you asked me about earliest sunset vs. shortest day, apparently, its universal, and its tied to your latitude, here is a linky: http://www.idialstars.com/eass.htm

@ManchuCandidate: Oh do tell, what you learned, dating a stripper, please do.

@Promnight:my imagination might be running wild with me right now, I can’t tell at this point. I need another fucking martini.

I an getting old, I think.

1) If a stripper spends way too long in the “biz” they begin to hate men. From the stories I’ve been told, I don’t blame them.
2) The guys that annoy them even more than the guys who try to get something for nothing are the guys that try to save them. They know what they are and if they wanted to be “saved” then they would have done something else
3) I just treat them like any person I’ve met. I don’t give them attitude or feel they owe me something. Goes both ways of course, but I tend to drive away the ones with an “attitude.” Nor do I grab for anything they don’t want me to grab–I’m very respectful of boundaries.
4) I don’t beg.
5) I just go and have a good time.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Thank you for inspiring The Worst Stinque Tweet of All Time.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I got bored the only time I went to a ‘peeler bar’ (a bachelor party). In Guatepeor, we used to hang out in the red light district of the capital because the bars there stayed open all night, and I’d sit on the curb and chat with the streetwalkers while my pals spent $15 for a romp. Mainly Salvadorans, often just teenagers, all were interesting and sad-inducing at the same time. They figured I had the ghey since I never went off with any of them. Found they were a good source for weed in a military dictatorship.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: “Verklempt in a strip club.” Great song title. Hope you made it home OK.

Yes, home. Ouch, Grandmother of all hangovers.

Lap. Dance.

I will say this, that girl was really good at her job.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Were you able to contain your gheyness and not compliment her on her shoes or offer advice on dying her roots?

Plus: When the head stops pounding, you must share with us the genesis of this trip. Is this how El Raton celebrates the premiere of a new animated film?

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