Here’s a Team for Rush to Invest In

And Sarah Palin can play point guard:

A new professional basketball league boasting rosters made up exclusively of white Americans has its eyes set on Augusta, but the team isn’t receiving a warm welcome.

The All-American Basketball Alliance announced in a news release Sunday evening that it intends to start its inaugural season in June and hopes Augusta will be one of 12 cities with a team.

“Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league,” the statement said.

Racism? Of course not, says AABA Commissioner Don “Moose” “No, we’re not making this up” Lewis:

“There’s nothing hatred about what we’re doing,” he said. “I don’t hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here’s a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like.”

Lewis said he wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of “street-ball” played by “people of color.”

No word on whether they’ll be using fruit baskets in their return to fundamentals.

Basketball league for white Americans targets Augusta [Augusta Chronicle]

Note to US Ameriduhs. B-Ball was invented by a Canada City dweller.

@ManchuCandidate: Thats not what we were taught, pilgrim; it was invented by George Washington right after he threw a dollar across the Potomac.

do they plan to PLAY teams with black players?
probably not huh?
gotta keep a “level playing field”


W. T. F.

Either this guy is the world’s best IRL troll, or he’s seriously fucking demented. Well, or he’s angling to have the only professional sport in the New CSA when the American Evangelical Taliban finally get around to claiming a state and seceding.

On a related note, where will the recruits for this league come from? I can’t imagine there’s much of a team at Liberty University to pick from…

@ManchuCandidate: But didn’t he emigrate to the Y in Springfield, MA?

@Capt Howdy: do they plan to PLAY teams with black players?

That would be the Washington Generals.

These fucktards better not come to my town, or I’ll reach up their fucking assholes and rip out their fucking lungs.

they could probably take the DC Special Olympics team

Wow… sounds about as exciting as watching tree sap harden into amber. Where do I get tickets?

I know you’re all shocked when I say this, but their press release contains grammatical mistakes.

Appropo of nothing, here is a Manchu-style song parody which actually requires changing only one single word from the original lyrics:

Hey there people I’m Scotty Brown
They say Im the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
Im dressin sharp and I’m Actin cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work n maybe later I’ll rape her

Oh God I am the american dream
I do not think Im too extreme
An Im a handsome sonofabitch
Im gonna get a good job n be real rich

(get a good
Get a good
Get a good
Get a good job)

Womens liberation
Came creepin across the nation
I tell you people I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it’s still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the american dream
But now I smell like vaseline
An Im a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady…i don’t know which

(I wonder wonder
Wonder wonder)

So I went out n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but Im still kinda cute
Got a job doin radio promo
An none of the jocks can even tell Im a homo
Eventually me n a friend
Sorta drifted along into s&m
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the american dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An I’ll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin, thank you, fred!
Oh god, oh god, Im so fantastic!
Thanks to freddie, Im a sexual spastic
And my name is Scotty Brown
Watch me now, Im goin down,
And my name is Scotty brown

@FlyingChainSaw: Whoops, I thought the blockquotes in the post were from the press release, not the newspaper article itself. Don’t tell cubbie.

The quotes from the press statement have mistakes. But you can’t get the original statement.

The guy who is the commissioner is a former wrestling/boxing promoter, and every article I’ve seen on this all reference back to the Augusta Chronicle article and not the actual release.

I’m giving this 50-50 odds it’s a joke.

ADD: It appears to be legit. Southern Poverty Law Center has a dossier on the dude. (And Original Andrew, it’s not because he hit the Latino teabagger from Florida in a hard hatefuck.)

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