News You Can Self-Abuse

“An effort to tax strippers and adult businesses to help pay for a reduction in the state tax on coins, bullion and investment income has failed for the year… The bill sought to impose a 20 percent sales tax on items sold at ‘sexually oriented businesses,’ and to require strippers to pay a privilege tax to work in Tennessee.” [KnoxNews, via Redmanlaw]

Best line ever in an anti-Planned Parenthood ad.

Ranker pulled together a list of Top Ten Most Ridiculous Anti-Planned Parenthood Ads

The “Don’t Abort Your Baby Because He Might be Tim Tebow” Super Bowl ad came in at number 4. The number 1 ad featured the line about how Planned Parenthood is a drug dealer, and its gateway drug for children is teaching the kiddos how to masturbate.

#2 on the list, featuring the Terminator abortionist, bad ’80s hairdo parents, and the toddler is the most bizarre:

Arizona’s Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu hates the brown people almost as much as his bro Joe Arpaio does. He’s the darling of the Tea Party, he appeared in a 2010 ad for McCain and appears frequently on Faux News to denounce the socialist president for not building a bigger fence. And of course, he’s not a friend of the gheyz.  Oh, and he’s running for the GOP nomination for Arizona’s new Congressional seat.

So you know where this is going, boys and girls…

Babeu threatened his Mexican ex-lover with deportation when the man refused to promise never to disclose their years-long relationship, the former boyfriend and his lawyer tell New Times.

Babeu met his ex-lover Jose online at (naturally), and affectionately referred to Jose as “Papi.” Speaking of his online profile… Read more »

She’s baaaaack!!!!

Tea Party darling, non-witch, alleged daughter of Bozo the Clown, born-again virgin, and failed U.S. Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell endorsed Mitt Romney for the GOP Presidential nomination yesterday.

And she’s back in classic Celibabe fashion. When quizzed about concerns regarding Mittens’ flip-flopping on every issue of importance, she said, “He’s been consistent since he changed his mind.”

One can only hope to see her out on the campaign trail soon.

Very soon.

[USA Today]
[Stinque cameo on Countdown]

A 21-year-old (obviously drunk, obviously unnamed) man had to be cut out of a children’s swing set in a Vallejo, CA park this weekend after getting stuck in the seat during an ill-fated $100 bet with friends.  Around 9 pm on Friday, the man greased up his legs with liquid detergent and got in the bucket seat, but then his legs started swelling, he became stuck, and he could not get out of the seat. His friends left him there, and it wasn’t until 6 am Saturday morning that a groundskeeper heard him screaming.  The Vallejo fire fighters who showed up decided that rather than try to cut him out of the seat on the scene, they would cut the chains and transport him to the hospital still in the chair, wearing a giant rubber diaper.

No word yet if he got the 100 bucks.

[SF Chronicle]

[WKRN Nashville, via @pourmecoffee]

[via Yahoo]