Every so often, we’re rudely reminded that we live a sheltered life. We should be thankful for that — if we’re easily distracted by flame wars over the iPad’s lack of Flash, we have it pretty good. Some things we just don’t have to deal with in our life.

For example, we’re not a twelve-year-old girl forced into prostitution on the streets of Atlanta. We don’t have to deal with pimps. We don’t have to deal with johns. We don’t have to deal with the police.

And we don’t have to deal with goddamn soulless Christians who don’t give a shit about our plight.

Case in point: Georgia state senator Renee Unterman has introduced a laudable bill that “would steer girls under the age of 16 into diversionary programs instead of arresting them as prostitutes.”

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We’ve heard that the sole purpose of London Sunday newspapers is to scare the shit out of you. But will the effect last until Monday? Let’s find out!

Britain is facing a new Al Qaeda terror threat from suicide ‘body bombers’ with explosives surgically inserted inside them.

Until now, terrorists have attacked airlines, Underground trains and buses by secreting bombs in bags, shoes or underwear to avoid detection.

But an operation by MI5 has uncovered evidence that Al Qaeda is planning a new stage in its terror campaign by inserting ‘surgical bombs’ inside people for the first time.

Well? Staining your underwear yet?

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It’s Friday, which means it’s time to play Guess the Party!

Regular readers know how our game works: We select three politicians at random, cleverly disguising their identities so you don’t know which party each belongs to. Can you tell which is a Democrat and which is a Republican?

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So, what was Huggy Bear impersonator James O’Keefe doing in the New Orleans office of Mary Landrieu?

Guess again.

This is the point where we’d normally post an excerpt and riff on it. But our mind is so blown by the details, we can’t do that to you so early in the morning. No, we’re going to try to make sense of it. You can thank us by giving generously to the Nojo iPad Fund.

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Today’s the day we’ve been waiting for: the day our Great Leader stands before our Great Nation to take stock of previous successes and announce an inspiring initiative that will rock our world.

That’s right: Steve Jobs introduces the Apple Tablet this morning!

Oh, and Barry will be delivering the State of the Union address tonight.

If we’ve recovered from our geekgasm by then, our Open Thread/Unauthorized Finger Gestures will begin at 8:45 p.m. Eastern.

Healthcare reform? What healthcare reform? You must have been dreaming, darling.

Obama Seeks Freeze on Many Domestic Programs [NYT]

Our latest stray takes intense interest in a potted plant in the Wonderful World of Concrete Courtyard behind Stinque World Domination Headquarters.

Not shown: Us taking intense interest in a cat staring at a potted plant.