Live Long & Prosper! [Nichelle Nichols]

You know what? We really don’t care what Rick Santorum said about the lack of American History requirements at University of California campuses. We really don’t care that he got the claim from a Wall Street Journal op-ed, which based it on a wingnut academic report, which is wrong because the University of California does require American History.

We really don’t care, because after chasing it all down, and realizing that it’s barely a third-rate Santorum Outrage! to begin with, all we want to do is hit Spider-Man with a stick.

Which nobody should want to do. Even after the third movie.

Give us a hug, Spider-Man. And cough up the fucking candy before we change our mind.

The Pew Research Center’s Project for Excellence in Journalism — so confident of itself that it goes by Journalism.org — dropped this jewel Friday on an unwitting Internet:

Moreover, the [Trayvon] Martin story has been a much bigger story on MSNBC, whose talk show hosts are liberal, and a much smaller story on Fox, whose prime time lineup leans conservative.

Whatever it was that the Pew Research Center’s Project for Excellence in Journalism planned on telling us after that, we quickly lost interest. Mainly because of our sudden alarm that the staff of the Pew Research Center’s Project for Excellence in Journalism has been abducted by aliens and replaced with sentient vegetables.

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This is a Bacon Coffin. It sells for $2,999.95. It’s offered as a promotional stunt by a company that markets bacon salt. And it must be effective, because, well, this is a Bacon Coffin.

We’re showing you the Bacon Coffin because it’s a real coffin. We know the Bacon Coffin is a real coffin because the company’s Facebook page features a photo of the company owners buying the real coffin from Costco.

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William A. Jacobson, like us a tireless seeker of truth, asks a pointed question that blows the Left’s narrative of the Trayvon Martin case wide open:

What is the source of this fact that Skittles and a bottle of ice tea were found with Martin?

We confess: When we first attempted to nail down the facts of the case, we neglected to source the Skittles. For that matter, we never bothered to confirm that Trayvon visited a 7-Eleven, and not a Circle K instead. We also don’t have an independent witness who can verify that Trayvon left home during halftime of the NBA All-Star Game, and wasn’t watching America’s Funniest Home Videos.

This changes everything.

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Golly! Where has our head been the past few days!

Oh. Right. Bummerville.

Well, fiddle-dee-dee, it’s time we restored the balance of the world. Let’s clear out our backlog of backup posts, and see how far we can get without mentioning kitties.

1. Batman!

Yes, that’s an ersatz Batmobile, pulled over in Silver Spring, Maryland, for missing tags. But really: Would you register your Batmobile? Isn’t that missing the point?

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When we first met Trayvon Martin — unfortunately, too late to do anybody any good — a few details caught our attention. He wanted to be a pilot. He was good at math. He was good with mechanical things. He liked helping his quadriplegic uncle. He liked baking cookies for his cousins. He played football.

Since then, we’ve learned a few more things about Trayvon. He was suspended from school for an empty pot baggie. He had earlier been suspended for graffiti — for tagging “WTF” on a hallway locker. He was found with women’s jewelry in his backpack — “a friend gave it to me”, he said, and nothing came of it. Before then, he had been suspended for tardiness and truancy.

And we ask: So?

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