Field Trips

Whither Goest Thou, America, in Thy Shiny Car in the Night?

Marooned

Our guest columnist is Nixon speechwriter William Safire, preparing a worst-case presidential statement for July 20, 1969.

Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace.

These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery. But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice.

These two men are laying down their lives in mankind’s most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding.

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Dick-fil-A…

“Police in China’s Zhejiang province were searching for a man’s penis after he reported that it had been stolen while he was sleeping. ‘I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing,’ said the man.” [Harper’s, via @JC_Christian]

All Panda Cub, All The Time

Pandaazzz! At the Sandy Eggo Zoo. The unwashed masses insist that Stinque Overlord Nojo make a day trip to the zoo (tax write-off, natch), to see how Butterstick 3.0 is doing. Besides, dear hamster, it will do you good to go outside for more than a cigarette and langostino burrito down the road. The fucking iPhone app will still be there waiting for you to program it when you come home.

Highway to Hell

Our guest columnist only serves Diet Coke.

Friend,

There’s no better way to kick off the beginning of summer than a road trip across our beautiful country. And who better to hit the road with than supporters.

That’s why I’m saving two seats on the bus for supporters like you.

The campaign bus is warming up to hit the campaign trail soon. Want to have a chance to join us?

Donate $5 today to be automatically entered for the chance to join me for a day on the road.

Hope to see you soon,

Mitt Romney

[via email]

Another Reason to Avoid Icebergs

Artomatic for the People

Stinquer Mellbell would like to share with all of you a piece from the Artomatic show in Northern Virginia.

At first, I thought the painting was attached to a dog kennel.

Alas, no, but nonetheless R.I.P. Seamus.