While the headline may inspire torrid fantasies of Freddy Rodríguez with a hot cadaver, this, alas, is much more tawdry. Seems some enterprising Wisconsin youths figured it was never too late, and set out for the graveyard to get their ghoulish freak on:

Police say the three men, carrying shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms, went to a cemetery in southwestern Wisconsin in 2006 to dig up the body of [a 20-year-old woman] who had been killed the week before in a motorcycle crash.

The shovels worked, the crowbar didn’t, and they never got around to the rubbers — they couldn’t pry the casket open, and ran off when a car drove by. They were eventually caught and convicted — but they appealed on the claim that Wisconsin doesn’t outlaw sex with dead people.

And so, in a landmark ruling sure to be the highlight of next year’s bar exam, the Wisconsin Supreme Court declared this week that necrophilia is indeed a punishable offense.

Their reasoning? Corpses are unable to give consent.

Court: Wisconsin law bans sex with dead bodies [AP]

“You’ve heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession.”
  –Phil Gramm

• Somebody else farted in gym class.
• Those weren’t your grandparents wearing blue vests at Wal-Mart.
• When the levees failed in New Orleans, the federal government jumped to the city’s aid, mitigating what could have been an enduring major catastrophe.
• Mark David Chapman missed.
• Hinckley didn’t.
• The lawyer fired back.
• George Lucas was devoured by a pack of wild hyenas before he could begin production of Episode I.
• “Gentlemen, we can’t spy on our own citizens. That would be wrong.”
• Arrested Development begins its sixth season this fall.
• Al Gore won in 2000, followed by eight years of peace and prosperity.

Obama to McCain: We Don’t Need Another Dr. Phil [NYT]

My friends, I’d like to welcome you to this wonderful new technology provided by the Internet that shows how innovation can help lift our ec (20 minutes ago)

What the hell happened? (19 minutes ago)

You mean to tell me I can only type 140 characters? (17 minutes ago)

What about punctuation? (16 minutes ago)

Now let me get this straight. Is this a form of rationing? Are there only so many letters available? Can we drill the Internet for more? (14 minutes ago)

What about Obama? Does the media give him more characters? (11 minutes ago)

Why don’t I just write it on a napkin? Seems it would be just as effective. (8 minutes ago)

Okay, I’ll try it keeping it brief. Glory belongs to the act of being constant to something greater than yourself, to a cause, to your princ (5 minutes ago)

Fuck! (4 minutes ago)

Screw it. Nobody reads this shit anyway. (1 minute ago)

JohnMcCain2008 [Twitter]

• People who forget their keys in the car: 43% Obama.
• People who own dogs, cats, fish and birds, but draw the line at capabaras: 54% McCain.
• People who buy boxed wine and pour it into bottles before serving it to company: 61% Barr.
• People who write checks at busy supermarkets: 89% McCain.
• People behind them in line: 87% Obama.
• People who need jokes explained to them: 39% Nader.
• People who leave up Christmas decorations until February: 59% McCain.
• People who name their children with too many vowels: 74% Obama.
• People who wait until their midlife crisis to rebel against their parents: 62% Clinton.
• People so pissed at stupid polls they could scream: AAAAAARGH!!!

McCain tops Obama among pet owners [LAT]

We sat out the Bomb America First kerfluffle, but it comes to mind that both parties have potential disasters in their corner:

Bertha formed last Thursday near the Cape Verde islands off Africa. It is unusual for storms to form so far east so early in the season, and when it does happen, it is frequently a harbinger of heightened storm activity.

So, let’s all look forward to another summer of global-warming inspired mayhem, guaranteed to peak just as the two conventions are getting underway. And if anyone is maintaining the Nuke Iran Pool, we’d like the slot one week after the next major American city gets wiped out from Shrub’s incompetence.

First hurricane of 2008 forms in distant Atlantic [Reuters]

Obama to accept nomination at football stadium [AP]