They say dance with the one that brung ya, and if Mike Lee Model #710604 is the clone finally able to break through to national prominence (third-string network correspondents don’t count), we feel obligated to support the team.

But damn if he isn’t being a fucking idiot about it. Just look at this headline from ThinkProgress:

Sen. Mike Lee Calls Child Labor Laws Unconstitutional

Granted, it’s no Blood Libel, but it looks at first like a fine play by a Frosh Asshole coming off the bench, bringing to mind such delightful Dickensian follow-ups as Mike Lee Advocates Indentured Chimney-Sweeping for Kids, Mike Lee Calls for Harvesting Fuel from Baby Fat, and Mike Lee Sells His Children for Medical Experiments.

And then you listen to the source of his pronouncement — a YouTube lecture — and he fucking blows it.

No, we don’t mean all the Child Labor is Bad chatter before he pulls an obscure (and later overturned) Supreme Court decision out of his butt. Plausible deniability, dontcha know. Instead, the problem is that the decision doesn’t even prove what he says it does.

Fucking rookie. Bachmann would never say something so easily undermined by a mere fact-check.

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While we’re on the subject of Dead Kennedys — whoa, that cleared the room! — the Washington Post adds to the link-baiting legend of Tricky Jack:

JFK’s own dirty trick

…In one of the least-known chapters of 20th-century political history, Kennedy operatives secretly paid off an informant and set in motion a Watergate-like burglary that sabotaged Nixon’s campaign on the eve of the election.

Political Sabotage! Wheeeeee!!! American Democracy is just a kick in the nuts, ain’t it?

How did JFK’s campaign obtain this incriminating evidence? By paying the contemporary equivalent of $100,000 to a Los Angeles accountant named Phillip Reiner, one of the Hughes middlemen used to conceal Nixon’s role in the deal… Soon after, a break-in occurred at the accountant’s old office…

Hughes? Howard Hughes? Of the Vegas Penthouse Foot-Long Fingernails Peeing in Bottles Hugheses? Hey, this is fun!

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We woke up in 1968.

It’s not that we were asleep. Until then, we were busy being a kid. But shit went down that spring, shit even an eight-year-old couldn’t ignore.

We don’t remember Tet, although our babysitter had a Vietnam map on her livingroom wall. Her son was a cook in the Army. His current location was marked. Because of the Draft, Vietnam had a presence in American life that no subsequent war would match. You want to politicize a generation, put their asses on the line.

We don’t remember LBJ quitting, either. And because Eugene didn’t have a CBS station, we don’t remember Walter throwing in the towel.

But we do remember Bobby. And Martin. We remember the photos, now iconic, on the front page of the newspaper. We remember becoming aware of the world.

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Title: “Sarah Palin Talking Keychain”

Manufacturer: Emanation

Rank: 3 (in Toys & Games > Novelty & Gag Toys > Gag Toys & Practical Jokes)

Blurb: “We eat, therefore we hunt * Pretty relevant important stuff… to me anyway * In what respect, Charlie? * Ya quit makin’ things up * I’ll betcha! Plus five more BONUS phrases.”

Review: “I have to say I am a little disappointed. I expected to get four years of use out of this toy, but it simply quit working altogether after not even two, for no explicable reason.”

Customers Also Bought: “Barack Obama Toilet Tissue Paper”

Footnote: Beware of malfunctions: “While I do like the lifelife feel (plastic) and the realistic voice (screechy), sometimes you don’t even have to push the button for it to spout off.”

Sarah Palin Talking Keychain [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

Jim Hoft, The Dimmest Working Blogger in Web Business®:

If White House Was Surprised by Applause at Tucson Pep Rally… Why Did They Ask For It On Jumbotron?

Pam Geller, Stinque’s 2010 Asshole of the Year:

On Thursday, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said that they were surprised by the applause at the memorial pep rally on Wednesday for the victims of the Tucson shootings…

Grotesque.

The Simple Explanation: Closed-captioning for the arena audience.

No, Jim Hoft, The White House Did Not “Ask For” Applause On Jumbotron [Media Matters, via Tom Tomorrow]

It’s one thing downgrading a Disney-licensed planet to space trash. But when you start messing with people’s astrological signs, there will be movie-title references we best not use for another few days.

If you missed the news, your sign slipped a notch, catapulting you into an alternate universe for which life has left you woefully unprepared. Here we’ve spent our mortal existence as a proud, stubborn, grounded, fuck-you Taurus, and now we’re an Aries? You might as well play Watchtower and tell us we’ve always been a Cylon.

Well, you can relax. Turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Or so we’re being told. Honestly, we don’t understand the claim or the counter-claim.

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“What galls me about two-spacers isn’t just their numbers. It’s their certainty that they’re right. Over Thanksgiving dinner last year, I asked people what they considered to be the ‘correct’ number of spaces between sentences. The diners included doctors, computer programmers, and other highly accomplished professionals. Everyone—everyone!—said it was proper to use two spaces.” [Slate]