Our afternoon guest columnist is Dennis Kucinich’s lawyer.

As entities engaged in the business of serving food to customers, defendants Restaurant Associates, Inc. and Compass Group USA, Inc. have a duty to exercise due care and see that food served to their customers is wholesome and fit for human consumption and may be eaten without causing injury.

Defendants Restaurant Associates and/or Compass Group USA, by and through their employees and/or agents, breached this duty by serving plaintiff food that was unwholesome and unfit for human consumption, in that said food contained dangerous substances, namely an olive pit, that a consumer would not reasonably expect to find in the final product served.

As a direct and proximate result of defendants’ aforesaid negligence, plaintiff has suffered serious and permanent injuries for which he is entitled to recover damages, including but not limited to past and future dental and medical expenses, compensation for pain, suffering and loss of enjoyment and other damages.

Kucinich v. Restaurant Associates et al [PDF]

Rep. Dennis Kucinich sues cafeteria over olive pit in sandwich [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

“Government officials say the colors in the nation’s terror alert system will be gone by April 27. The officials, speaking on condition of anonymity to discuss the pending announcement, say the Homeland Security Department will begin a 90-day phasing out of the system on Thursday.” [AP/WaPo]

“Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak’s son, who is considered as his successor, has fled to Britain along with his family, a US-based Arabic website reported.” [Times of India]

It may look like the setup for a porn video, but an enterprising dental practice in Munich has outfitted the staff in busty garments:

“The most important thing is to take away patients’ fear. The sight of cleavages gets patients narcotised and distracted from the pain rather quickly. Some patients’ mouths are already wide open on entering the practice.”

The boss’s name is Klarkowski, but we’re not going to be more specific. Instead, today’s Stinque Challenge: Which one’s the dentist?

Dentist uses sexy dresses to distract patients [Metro UK]

While everybody’s fretting about the seating arrangement among the groundlings, we’re more interested in the action behind the podium: Plugz and Agent Orange will be strategically positioned to bounce up and down for different lines. Figure you have four possible combos: down-down, up-down, down-up, and up-up. Three of those combos can be predicted — but will there be a moment when Plugz sits and Orange stands?

That’s what we’ll be waiting for during our SOTU Open Thread/Crank Yankers. Because honestly, the rest of it is going to be boring as hell.

“House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) invited Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) to sit next to him at the State of the Union address — but the former House Speaker says she’s already committed.” [The Hill]

Tunisia’s one thing, but Egypt?

At least three people have been killed during a day of rare anti-government protests in Egypt, reports say.

In Cairo, where the biggest rallies were held, state TV said a policeman had died in clashes. Two protesters died in Suez, doctors there said.

Thousands joined the protests after an internet campaign inspired by the uprising in Tunisia.

Speaking about that Internet Campaign, Egypt’s on it:

As anti-government protesters and police clash in Cairo today, reports indicate that the Egyptian government is making an effort to censor Twitter and other websites.

If we weren’t so busy this afternoon, we’d find that line about how killing hundreds of thousands of civilians in the course of toppling a dictator is the only thing that will bring change to the Middle East.

Egypt protests: Three reported dead in ‘day of revolt’ [BBC]

Twitter Blocked in Egypt As Protests Turn Violent [Mashable]