“Sen. John Ensign is expected to announce at an afternoon news conference in Las Vegas that he will retire rather than face a brutal 2012 re-election campaign, according to knowledgeable sources.” [Roll Call]

In composing Sunday’s Stinque Book Club entry, we were faced with a quandary: What is there to say about professional cretin Dick Morris that hasn’t been said already?

We chose a reader review about Mom listening to an audiobook version filling the presumably lonely rooms of a presumably large house as inspiration: What kind of world do you have to live in for that kind of fetid monologue to fill the air? How thoroughly divorced from reality do you have to be to accept that as anything approaching fact?

We toyed with declaring a significant proportion of Americans to be clinically psychotic, before settling on the observation that the Wingnut Establishment does a much more professional job of turning its audience into cultists than Charles Manson.

And then, Sunday evening, we read this in the Paper of Record:

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Title: “Revolt!: How to Defeat Obama and Repeal His Socialist Programs”

Authors: Dick Morris and Eileen McGann

Rank: 41

Blurb: “Dick Morris served as Bill Clinton’s political consultant for twenty years.”

Review: “I received my larger than expected box of cd’s for REVOLT. 9 disks. It is really easy to listen while driving or sitting at my computer. My mom listens to hers in her stereo so it broadcasts across the house while she works.”

Customers Also Bought: “How Obama Embraces Islam’s Sharia Agenda”, by Andrew C. McCarthy

Footnote: Manson was an amateur.

Revolt! [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

Over the past twenty minutes, a mysterious contrail-emitting vessel darkened the skies over Stinque World Domination Headquarters, leaving curious glyphs that we’re sure NASA scientists are already hard at work deciphering. We think that Earthling Ken is in danger of having his heart removed after the anal probe is administered. Or perhaps it’s a warning that anybody found with two hearts should be immediately quarantined. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the world’s most expensive text message.

“Anybody who’s been halfway around the block is aware of In-N-Out’s secret menu,” we are told, forcing us to admit that after a dozen years in California, we’ve only traveled a quarter or a third. In our defense, we have visited an In-N-Out once in somewhat recent memory, which is more than we can recall visiting any other fast-food joint. It’s been a long time since we regularly skipped high-school lunch for McDonald’s.

To join the Cult of The Secret Menu, apparently you just knowingly order a standard item not found on the printed version. Pictured here is what appears to be a “4×2” — four patties, two slices of (optionally unmelted) cheese — the sight of which is sufficient for us to maintain a healthy distance from In-N-Out for another dozen years.

The Ultimate In-N-Out Secret Menu (and Super Secret Menu!) Survival Guide [A Hamburger Today, via Kottke]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqnOeatbDWs

It had to happen.

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Oh, we’re sorry. That’s Democratic Rep. Nick Milroy, trying to visit his office. Never mind.

Video Apparently Shows Wisconsin Rep Getting Tackled By Officers [TPM]