We feared we would have to Go Long On Weiner this morning, patiently explaining that it’s not the non-crime, it’s the non-criminal cover-up — “Weinergate”, indeed — and that whatever you might think about, say, hypocritical Republican calls for Weiner to resign while David Vitter still walks the Senate, the fact is, Weiner has become a national punchline (nice touch with the Bulging-Weiner-Briefs Dunking Mascot, Conan) and is a strategic liability, whose usefulness for any cause he espouses effectively ended at his confessional press conference Monday afternoon.

And then we saw this video and decided we could use a break.

Texas cinema texter becomes foul-mouthed movie star [The Register, via Sully]

We really did plan on addressing this earlier, but as we wrote the Morning Blather, it developed just as presented. But thank God there’s fresh dirt to report.

And so, maestro, strike up the tympani!

Michele Bachmann’s new political chief Ed Rollins, Tuesday:

“Sarah has not been serious over the last couple of years. She got the Vice Presidential thing handed to her, she didn’t go to work in the sense of trying to gain more substance, she gave up her governorship.”

Ed Rollins, this morning:

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“Alec Baldwin is mulling a run for mayor of New York City now that kinky Congressman Anthony Weiner appears to have sexted himself out of the 2013 race. The ’30 Rock’ star, who has long talked about running for political office, believes Weinergate has shaken up the field of candidates enough that he might have a chance to win, a friend of the actor told The Daily.”

Now that that’s over…

No, wait, one more: Stop staring at my weapon!

Okay, we done? Because there are Grave Issues facing Our Exceptional Republic, and we really must be moving on. Even if we’re just a man with a raging hard-on and we’re so fucking hard right now and dunno, woke up sweaty… and hard and we were hoping my fat cock would be a selling point too and you will surely make noise when I take you deep.

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Are we done with bulging underwear yet? Because something like this would make us drop a load on the spot:

The state director of the conservative group Americans for Prosperity offered no apologies today for papering homes in Detroit’s Delray district Monday with fake eviction notices.

Bearing the words “Eviction Notice” in large type, the bogus notices told homeowners their properties could be taken by the Michigan Department of Transportation to make way for the New International Trade Crossing bridge project. The NITC is the subject of debate in Lansing, and Americans for Prosperity is lobbying heavily against it.

“It was meant to startle people,” Scott Hagerstrom, the group’s state director, said today. “We really wanted people to take notice. This is the time that their opinions need to be heard. We wanted people to read it.”

Please direct your angry mob to the AFP Michigan office at 222 W. Genesee Street, 2nd Floor, Lansing. Tell them you just want to startle them.

Conservative group: Fake eviction notices were ‘meant to startle people’ [Detroit Free Press]

[NY Post]

“Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts.” —An “ally” to Thatcher on Palin’s wish for a visit. [Guardian UK]