After Michele Bachmann won Monday night’s debate by not seeming as batshit crazy as we’ve come to expect, political journalists have been churning out instant backgrounders. The best so far, by general acclaim, was published yesterday by BeastWeek’s Michelle Goldberg, who provides some details that may not be familiar to those of us who only started paying attention after Bachmann managed to out-crazy Tweety.

Take, for example, the celebrated Bathroom Hostage Crisis, which deserves pride of place in any Bachmann bio:

A few dozen people showed up at the town hall for the April 9 [2005] event, and Bachmann greeted them warmly. But when, during the question and answer session, the topic turned to same-sex marriage, Bachmann ended the meeting 20 minutes early and rushed to the bathroom. Hoping to speak to her, Arnold and another middle-aged woman, a former nun, followed her. As Bachmann washed her hands and Arnold looked on, the ex-nun tried to talk to her about theology. Suddenly, after less than a minute, Bachmann let out a shriek. “Help!” she screamed. “Help! I’m being held against my will!”

Bachmann was serious. She called the police. And the police investigated. Finally, the DA blew it off. Seems her captors were just a couple of nice ladies who wanted to ask questions. Just like they said.

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Oh, by the way, we’re about to add chills to our fever:

What may be the science story of the century is breaking this evening, as heavyweight US solar physicists announce that the Sun appears to be headed into a lengthy spell of low activity, which could mean that the Earth — far from facing a global warming problem — is actually headed into a mini Ice Age.

Bear in mind that the science is inconclusive — while it’s well-established that the Earth experienced a “Little Ice Age” from 1645-1715 the last time the Sun went somewhat dormant, NASA will only say that “the connection between solar activity and terrestrial climate is an area of on-going research.”

And, well, it doesn’t leave humanity off the hook — we’re doing our best to fuck up our environment in a million other ways, with or without the Sun’s help.

Earth may be headed into a mini Ice Age within a decade [The Register]

Like most God-Fearing Americans, we’ve been completely ignoring the Middle East, since dictators aren’t known for dick-tweeting. But it appears our Instamatic Slumber (sorry, no prize for unpacking the references) will soon be coming to an end:

A bipartisan group of House members announced on Wednesday that it is filing a lawsuit charging that President Obama made an illegal end-run around Congress when he approved U.S military action against Libya.

“With regard to the war in Libya, we believe that the law was violated. We have asked the courts to move to protect the American people from the results of these illegal policies,” said Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio), who led the 10-member anti-war coalition with Rep. Walter Jones (R-N.C.).

Yes, well, Kucinich, we know. But Agent Orange is also threatening to dust off the 1973 War Powers Resolution if we don’t stop kinetically acting in Libya by Friday, and the White House is making its case today. Time to grow up and put on our Big Boy pants, we guess. And this time, leave them zipped.

Lawmakers sue President Obama over Libya [Politico]

TMZ has uncovered a photo of Newt Gingrich sunning himself in Greece that is so disturbing, so unfit for human consumption, we insist that you sign a release absolving us of all legal liability before you read any further.

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Continuing our theme of ignoring things that nobody would have noticed in the first place, we’re going to pass on the shocking! web video that TPM called “Willie Horton on steroids”, but which is so over-the-top silly and profoundly incomprehensible that we have a sneaking suspicion it was produced solely to get outraged! Lefty coverage and raise money for the SuperPAC that made it, rather than having anything remotely to do with the California Republican campaign it supposedly supports.

Really, folks: This ain’t no Demon Sheep.

In its place, we present a hard-hitting video that speaks to the issue most concerning Americans today.

[via Comics Alliance]

This, apparently, is real:

On Saturday, July 23 the first 1,501 fans 18 and over in attendance will receive a commemorative pair of Tweeting Wiener Boxer Shorts. The boxers will honor National Hot Dog Day with an image on the front of a blue bird taking a photo of a Wiener with his phone.

If you’re wondering whether this will ever end, remember that we’re still talking about a blowjob from 1998.

Saints Ring in National Hot Dog Day with Tweeting Wiener [OurSportsCentral, via Twitter]

[NRO]