After offending anyone with a conscience by paying respect to a series of slightly manipulated My Little Pony clips, we now seek penance by offering an entirely manipulated Jonny Quest opening — now in glorious stop-motion!

It’s been awhile since we listened to the theme music, and we had completely forgotten how completely fucking bitchin’ it is — courtesy of composer Hoyt Curtin, also responsible for The Flintstones and The Jetsons.

What we didn’t know is that like The Flintstones and The Jetsons, Jonny Quest started as a prime-time series — which might explain the extra care taken with the theme.

Of course, none of this has anything to do with today’s Great National Holiday. Then again, neither does anything else.

Jonny Quest Fan Page [via Comics Alliance]

Title: “In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir”

Author: Dick Cheney

Rank: 3

Blurb: “In his unmistakable voice and with an insider’s eye on history, former Vice President Dick Cheney tells the story of his life and the nearly four decades he has spent at the center of American politics and power.”

Review: “To those just here to grind axes against Cheney, give it a rest. If you haven’t read the book and you’re presuming to review it then you’re as dishonest, and as one reviewer called Mr. Cheney ‘vindictive,’ as you accuse him of being — based on nothing other than the comic book version of Cheney you’ve been spoon-fed by Democratic boogeymen merchants who always need a boogeyman to keep the Democratic base whipped up — whether it’s Cheney, Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, the Tea Party, the Koch Brothers and laughably now even John Boehner and Paul Ryan, and on and on.”

Customers Also Bought: “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far”, by Bristol Palin

Footnote: Not to be confused with “In My Time” by Yanni.

In My Time [Fuck Amazon]

We probably have a detail wrong, but as we recall it, we were at the babysitter’s after school one afternoon, when her teenage daughter suddenly jumped from the couch:

“Did you hear that?! They just bleeped Merv Griffin!”

At this late date, we should explain that Merv Griffin had an afternoon talk show, featuring trumpeter Jack Sheldon, whose popular claim to fame is singing “I’m just a bill.” We should also explain that in the 1960s, bleeping was extremely rare — this was only a few years after Jack Paar walked off the Tonight Show because NBC censored a “water closet” joke.

So that’s our historical baseline: Bleeping is naughty. Bleeping is so naughty, it’s good for shits & giggles by its very nature. And to our arcane taste, the Daily Show and South Park are more amusing when they’re bleeped — and more interesting on those special occasions when they’re not.

As proof of concept, we present scenes from an execrable cartoon that’s suddenly hilarious when just a smidgen of audio spice is added.

[via Know Your Meme]

Our guest interlocutors are Chuck Todd and Rick Perry, conversing in November 2010.

TODD: What is your timeline for making a decision about whether or not to run for President in 2012?

PERRY: I wouldn’t have written that book if I was going to run for the Presidency of the United States. Obviously, you haven’t read it all.

I’m not interested in being the President of the United States. I’ve said that for the last two years, and still I’m consistent, I’m consistent in my position.

Read more »

While America’s Top War Criminal makes the rounds this week before departing for a Secure, Undisclosed Location in Hell, WaPo’s Jonathan Bernstein ponders why he’s not festering in a Supermax somewhere, enjoying his very own live performance of Oz:

Would it have been worse had the government attempted to prosecute, only to fail to get guilty verdicts? This points to the complexity of the issue from the perspective of the incoming Obama administration in 2009.

Or you could just enforce the damn law.

Assuming one wants to prevent torture from returning, would prosecution have been the best step? Perhaps. Perhaps, however, it would have made things worse. Even successful prosecution, unfortunately, could create a backlash.

Or you could just enforce the damn law.

Read more »

Our guest columnist is the governor of the great state of Texas, writing in 2001. See if you can find all the red flags!

The fruits of NAFTA have just begun to ripen. At the same time, we must not allow the roots of the tree to become poisoned. The NAFTA agreement not only signaled a new era of economic possibility, but a new era of bi-national cooperation. That is why it is wrong, and inherently detrimental to our relationship with Mexico for the U.S. Congress to pursue a protectionist policy that forbids Mexican trucks from U.S. roadways. It is bad public policy, and it violates the terms of the NAFTA agreement we agreed to. Mexican trucks that meet our safety standards should be given the same access to U.S. roads as our Canadian neighbors to the north…

Read more »

“Actor and ‘Lawman’ Steven Seagal is being sued for conducting a raid on an Arizona man’s home alongside deputies of Sheriff Joe Arpaio, which allegedly resulted in the accidental death of the man’s puppy… The raid was taped for an episode of Seagal’s A&E reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman.” [TPM]