Monkey caught after running loose in Toronto Ikea store . Not known how monkey, clad in shearling coat, got in #ikea

— CBC News Alerts (@CBCAlerts) December 9, 2012

First Bad Santa, now this. But hey, it’s an easy way to start the week for Stephen Colbert’s writers.

“I ran for president. I lost.” —Mitt Romney, auditioning for his American Express commercial. [CBS]

Title: “How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You”

Author: The Oatmeal (Matthew Inman)

Rank: 19

Blurb: “If your cat is kneading you, that’s not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness.”

Review: “The paper edition seems to work natively without any apps.”

Customers Also Bought: “Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make with Your Cat”

Footnote: Wait, wait — Crafting with Cat Hair?

Read more »

“Oh, you’re wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs tuque. You shouldn’t be wearing that, they suck.” —Toronto shopping-mall Santa, now unemployed, to three-year-old child. [Toronto Sun]

The official Seattle Police blog prepares citizens for legalized pot today: “Please remember it’s still not legal to drive stoned, use marijuana in a public place or anywhere else smoking a cigarette is prohibited… The Dude abides, and says ‘take it inside!’” [via @JC_Christian]

Dinesh D’Souza on his Obama Derangement Fantasia being snubbed: “I want to thank the Academy for not nominating our film. By ignoring 2016, the top-performing box-office hit of 2012, and pretending that films like Searching for Sugar Man and This Is Not a Film are more deserving of an Oscar, our friends in Hollywood have removed any doubt average Americans may have had that liberal political ideology, not excellence, is the true standard of what receives awards.” [Hollywood Reporter]

Our guest columnist is Senator Tom Coburn, criticizing what we think is an excellent use of government funds.

One notable training-related event that was deemed an allowable expense by DHS was the HALO Counter-Terrorism Summit 2012. Held at the Paradise Point Resort & Spa on an island outside San Diego, the 5-day summit was deemed an allowable expense by DHS, permitting first responders to use grant funds for the $1,000 entrance fee. Event organizers described the location for the training event as an island paradise: “the exotic beauty and lush grandeur of this unique island setting that creates a perfect backdrop for the HALO Counter-Terrorism Summit. This luxury resort features over 460 guestrooms, five pools, three fantastic restaurants overlooking the bay, a world-class spa and state-of-the-art fitness center. Paradise awaits…”

Read more »