Benedick

Paul Ryan wows the AARP crowd.

Remember last month? Yes? No? When we were all so excited about Team Romney’s pick of Paul Ryan for president? No, wait. Vice president. Remember how we were all so excited by the boldness of his economic ideas? After four years of economic stagnation and crippling debt caused by Obama’s socialist-marxist tyranny we looked forward to a president who… wait, vice-president (why do I keep doing that?) who could make America great again. The way it should be.

Turns out math is hard. And who has time to explain stuff to people who won’t understand anyway? We don’t need to know what loopholes he’s going to cut. We need to know how he keeps his body fat so low. At between 6% and 8% it’s even lower than Mitt Romney’s tax rate. And he didn’t rely on government handouts to get himself in shape. And he didn’t eat vegetables either.

Paul Ryan doesn’t have time to explain the math to losers.

Aaron Schock advises Ryan to work it. “I often spot Paul in the congressional gym,” the hunky congressman declares. “He has so got it going on. My girlfriend lives in Canada.”

Hans is 6’4″. He’s single, versatile, into romantic candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach, and nailing Limeys.

Among the nascent nation’s most enthusiastic tea-baggers his proudest moment was receiving his gold pocket watch from Frederick of Prussia for ‘services rendered.’

OK. OK. To feed the bottomless pit of your boredom here is a linque. The best piece I’ve read on Anderson Cooper. Unaccountably published by the New York Times. I know. I’m just as surprised as you.

To honor Memorial Day a buncha Furries got together and… well one thing led to another and let’s just say the cops had to throw a bucket of cold water on them so they could pull them apart.

If you yiff a hamster is it flash?

Every time I see The Music Man I admire its construction more. From one little tune (OK, the Minuet in G) Meredith Wilson teases out a score packed with vibrant, tuneful songs that each relate to the other to further the story. He also wrote some of the most original lyrics I know.

I was watching some of it last night and was gobsmacked to discover that not only had Mr. Wilson created one of the finest musicals in the canon but that he had also predicted today’s ‘debate’ over marriage equality.

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How the hell did this happen?

In my lifetime we have gone from being a mocked and maligned group of deviants, not worth the effort even to persecute, to being the nation’s BFF.

Is it wrong got me to wish that everyone would STFU already? I’m sick of having to be fabulous 24/7. Yes, it’s a strain. Most of the gay men I know are far from fabulous. Nobody swishes or cares much about drag races. I’ve always thought that stuff was a product of the ghetto, much more popular among our str8 allies than those of us engaged in the day to day stuff of life. I suppose there are still circuit parties though I’ve never been to one; I don’t even know what the name means. I look forward to the post-gay world when we can all finally hang up our assless chaps and carry 15lbs too much extra weight like str8 men. (Full disclosure, some of us already do.)

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You need to go check this out at Buzzfeed. S’rsly. I’m only posting here in case y’all been under a rock, y’alls.

One thing to bear in mind is that Donohue makes $400,000 for pulling this crap.

It’s one thing to piss on the gays – we all expect that – but the Jews??? The motherfucking Jews?????

Fred Karger, quixotic gay Republican presidential challenger, recently visited Utah to try to convince local GOPers not to be such complete assholes. In the course of his outreach he handed out frisbees and other gay accoutrements.

This did not sit well with at least one wife who was not about to let her husband find out whether he preferred to pitch or catch.

Nanette Billings, irate wife of Dan, instantly figured out what has baffled the rest of the country since Mr. Karger threw launched his campaign: why was he running? Nanette told local news teams it was all about getting the candidate laid.

Reached on the campaign trail, Brad, personal trainer and head of Mr. Karger’s Mormon outreach, denied that the candidate was in Utah only to tap some ass, and even if he was it wouldn’t be Mr. Billings’s.