Mike Stark is pretty brave. Audio NSFW.

Programming note: Our Socialist President will be chatting it up with Letterman tonight. (Don’t worry, you’re safe — Colbert has the night off.) As long as he goes easy on those wayward self-deprecating anecdotes, he should glide through it. Special points if Dave asks Barry whether the Public Option will float.

Wouldn’t you like to wake up tomorrow in a wingnut-free world?  You just might do that.

Today is the Rapture! [Buzzfeed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-MjMczhAt8

Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Senator Tom Coburn, at the Values Voters Summit on Saturday:

All pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy?

He probably will. After he calls the cops on you.

Coburn’s Chief Of Staff On Keeping Kids Away From Porn: ‘All Pornography Is Homosexual Pornography’ [Think Progress]

Sandy Eggo’s Chargers may be the suckiest team in the NFL, with just one Super Bowl appearance in 43 years (and the wrong side of 49-26 against Frisco at that), but there’s one statistic where they put the rest of the league to shame:

Team owners, officials and players have combined to contribute more than $2.4 million to political candidates and committees since the 1990 election cycle.

Take that, Houston Texans and your measly $623,000. For that matter, 98% of Charger contributions have gone to America’s Other Losers, the Republicans.

Which is why we’re going shirtless to today’s Stinque Tailgate. With a giant dollar sign painted on our chest.

Politicians Score Significant Cash From NFL Owners, Coaches and Players [OpenSecrets, via Rachel]

Title: “Guide to Pirate Parenting: Why You Should Raise Your Kids As Pirates, and 101 Tips on How to Do It”

Author: Tim Bete

Rank: 337,553

Blurb: “If you’re like most parents, you long to raise your children as pirates, but just don’t know how. In Guide to Pirate Parenting, Cap’n Billy The Butcher MacDougall provides everything you need to know to turn your little powder monkeys into happy, healthy buccaneers.”

Review: “I also enjoyed the sections on ‘Your pirate’s progress,’ that has lists for you to check how quickly they are growing as a pirate by what they are saying. Such as:

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrWh8VVaz60

Harry Shearer calls it the Full Ginsberg — an homage to Monica Lewinsky’s lawyer, who once made the rounds of all five Sunday talk shows in a single day. And tomorrow, Barack Obama will be matching that feat.

Almost. One show got left out. Guess which?

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