Hide the O’Keeffe

Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Senator Tom Coburn, at the Values Voters Summit on Saturday:

All pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy?

He probably will. After he calls the cops on you.

Coburn’s Chief Of Staff On Keeping Kids Away From Porn: ‘All Pornography Is Homosexual Pornography’ [Think Progress]
44 Comments

Just seems to me that Mr Schwartz is a deep in the closet homosexual with some serious hangups caused by a traumatic experience at Boy Scout Camp.

T/J

i need help (heh)

the dreaded avatar change. i followed instructions, went to gravatar, who has a unholy alliance with word press. they had me put the edress i use for stin*ue. they say “password already taken!” “i know, putz!”

then i try to log in…”invalid passcode!” (NOT)

someone has to walk me thru it….i’m looking at jnov and bloggie, i talk to them all the time on skype anyway….call me!*

*still beating the horse corpse: i promised to stop badgering, but if you’re so inclined, my skype name is my real name, first and last, not middle.

@baked: First off, you have to try to remember what the password was that you used w/ gravatar. It may include numbers so that might explain why you’re not remembering it. Once you remember the password, if you’re using the new version of Firefox, that might explain it. It was giving me some trouble last month with WP, and I figured out how to debug it.

Those scouts look like they are davining. Woody, showing some early signs of his proclivities, is he?

“do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy?”

um, no. probably not if he is a homosexual Mike.
probably not.

Oh dear, we’re back to this now are we? The only upside to the healthcare ‘debate’ has been the ignoring of the gays and the threat we pose to Christendom. I for one was grateful.

I thought pornography was an ironic take on the human sexual condition, and used mainly by sociologists and behavioral psychologists to study the interaction of sexually active adults in permissive settings?

That’s what the guy at the corner news stand said to me…

@Benedick says Keep on Fucking that Chicken: Nah, playboys and pronography are the props used by your pedo catholic priests to seduce altar boys; you see, it starts with show them some pron and encourage them to mastrubate, and from their, its a hop, skip, and a jump to “lending a hand,” as it were. Have I mentioned those deposition transcripts I once had to read?

@Prommie: Settlements have run about $1 million per altar boy. Y’know, I’ve been to the Vatican and there’s a lot of nifty stuff there that Pope Schnitzel could sell if he wanted to raise some money.

@Dodgerblue:
if nothing else he could sell his porn collection.

OK, reading between the lines here: Mr. Schwartz likes gay porn, but doesn’t want you to judge him on it because even if you only like straight porn, you actually like gay porn, too.

@Capt Howdy: They only keep it for “research” purposes.

@blogenfreude: One of my student jobs was at the Special Collections Dept of the UCLA library, where they kept the rare books etc. One of the items in the collection was a set of very early volumes of Playboy. I don’t recall if they had the famous no. 1.

@Serolf Divad:
makes me wonder if he actually knows what the word means.

@Dodgerblue:
what, no Bob Mizer?

speaking of Mizer this thread reminded me to do something I have meant to do for a while. order the movie “Beefcake” from amazon. its not on netflix (go figure) I saw a bit of in once on cable. its pretty hilarious.

@SanFranLefty:
thanks lefty, but i’m certain about the passcode, besides, as my last resort, i rolled my eyes and r*uested a new on–which they never sent, and/or i never received.
i don’t want to see another camel as long as i live.

@blogenfreude: Thats an interesting new way of saying “for the articles.”

I’ve read that quote four times now and it still doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever. It’s like someone put a Boomhauer quote in a blender with a poetry jam word magnet set and made Sarah Palin read it extemporaneously.

@Just Jamie: It’s like someone put a Boomhauer quote in a blender with a poetry jam word magnet set and made Sarah Palin read it extemporaneously.

Just Jamie has just sketched out the mid-season reality show in development by FOX. Awesome!

@Just Jamie: This is one of those Just Jamie howlers I have been going on about. Life will be empty, without King of the Hill.

Play him off, John Deere riding mower!

@Just Jamie: I think the reasoning is that if you tell boys that Porn is Gay, they’ll steer away from it. Good luck with that.

The smarter 11-year-olds will also spot the logical fallacy: If you must, all porn is autoerotic, not homoerotic. That, plus the knuckle-hair problem.

@nojo: Well, Mr. hair splitter, tell me how autoeroticism is not homoeroticism, huh? He makes perfect sense, hell, if you enjoy playing with a cock, be it your own, or someone else’s, how is that not gay? Yup, thats right, your own cock is a gateway dick to other dicks. If the kids just understood that, of course they wouldn’t go near the stuff.

@Prommie: If I was awake, I could probably find some Walt Whitman lines addressing that point.

I’m surprised that no one has done anything with this guy and Benedick’s “reeks of fags” from over the weekend.

This guy has obviously tried to suck his own dick.

Are we sure this isn’t some kind of Colbert-esque performance art?

Landover Baptist and Betty Bowers have been pushing the “Sex is for Fags!” line for a few years now, so maybe dude is just pushing the envelope.

It is the Values Voters Summit, so one would expect a stupidity eruption of Krakatoa proportions, but even still–seriously?

And doesn’t he mean “fall on it?”

I still can’t wrap my mind around this. Is this Schwartz dude saying that people should cynically exploit young boys’ ignorance, social pressure and fear of seshuality with a new lie since all the old lies have failed?

Or is he really suggesting that 93%ish of our nation’s male population are secret queers when they spray the sheets (or keyboard)?

We need him to go on every nightly news channel to share this novel Republican theory of seshuality immediately.

@lentinus:
oh my god
its getting harder and harder to tell but that has to be a joke right.
I mean, from the very placement of the chair back.

ok. a comedian. just had to google.

@Original Andrew: Is this Schwartz dude saying that people should cynically exploit young boys’ ignorance, social pressure and fear of seshuality with a new lie since all the old lies have failed?

Yes. Denying our nature always works. Just look at teen-pregger rates in the Bible Belt.

marge simpson: you people are pushy.
baron cohen (as a new israeli character): what do you mean, ‘you people’ and you try having syria for a neighbor. what do you have? CANADA???

i love that man from the 1st ali g show, knew the kid was going places.
if your’re not familar with the show, his 3 alter egos and only saw the movie, you saw nuthin. all together now…NETFLIX !!!

@baked:
the man is a god. I loved the way he had all the concern troll gays fretting over Bruno.

I actually know someone who was at the wrestling match in arkansas. he said he thought it was going to get ugly and dangerous. so he left.

@baked: @Capt Howdy: He is a god. He terrifies me and makes me hide under the chair. Which is always a good sign. Worshipped Borat (OK, people, just to recap: raging Limey here: when my people say ‘worshipped’ they mean they really liked it: I’m gay, not demented: OK, back to post). Was not a big fan of Bruno because I didn’t think the character warranted a story and, indeed, they couldn’t come up with one. It became a retread of the earlier film with the gross meter set to 11. Can you imagine being at that wrestling match? Unfortunately I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for the poor actors. SBC makes tons of money and they get paid not so much: certainly above scale but still.

Not an actor – he’s always diminished when playing scenes in much the same way as Lily Tomlin – but a performance kamikaze supreme.

@baked, Benedick says Keep on Fucking that Chicken: SBC in “Talladega Nights” as the French driver who came to American to take on Ricky Bobby – awesome.

@redmanlaw: He’s not an actor. He does something different. But he isn’t good at playing scenes with other people. In said movie it didn’t much matter but he was very diminished from his own stuff. As per Ms. Tomlin. I saw her in the one-woman play Intelligent Signs and she was a marvel. But she didn’t have to act with anybody. She was just there performing. SBC is the same. Can’t play a scene. Great disappointment in Sweeny Todd. Mind you, didn’t help that he couldn’t sing it. That is a great tenor part with thrilling music they cut from the movie.

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