Jesunazis On PR Offensive to Popularize Theocratic Dystopianism and Fascism

Huggy, Kuddly Kutee-Pie Talibunny Yerns for GOP Victory and Apocalypse

Huggy, Kuddly Kutee-Pie Jesunazis Were Just Misunderstood. Can't We Be Friends, America, Even If You're Under the Control of the Anti-Christ?

The Jesunazis are having a hard time finding love and acceptance after working as indefatigable footsoldiers to the psychoconservative Right whose wanton corruption, diabolical greed and insatiable violence has Western civilization poised on the brink of irreparable catastrophe. The lastest game by the Jesufascist Right is: Who us? We’re not genocidal monsters who’ve spent the last 30 years calling for the transformation of America into a lilywhite, evangelical theocratic dystopia and the complete annihilation of the non-white, non-evangelical world. We’re just these huggy people who go to a building once a week to talk about God, yeah, that’s right, just like the Jewish people, the Mormons, the Orthodox and the deceived slaves of the Scarlet Whore of Rome the Catholics. Yeah, we’re just one big huggy, snuggy like bugs-in-a-ruggy gang of God-loving people.

Rather than act on the courage of their convictions and bark their sieg heils in defeat the way they did in victory, the Jesufascist Right is off on a whining campaign to denounce the labels they wore like crusaders’ tunics after the GOP adopted and set them off to help the Republicans seize and loot America, starting with the initial campaign of Ronald Reagan, a president who died in a puddle of his own shit, in part, because the Jesufascist Right demanded Caligutard eliminate stem cell research and any science they found ungodly in exchange for their campaign services. Next challenge: finding a way to rebrand apocalyptic fascism and fanatical genocidal fury in a Disneyesque style.

In this month’s Christianity Today, Gary Bauer, president of American Values, is quoted: “There is an ongoing battle for the vocabulary of our debate,” said “It amazes me how often in public discourse really pejorative phrases are used, like the ‘American Taliban,’ ‘fundamentalists,’ ‘Christian fascists,’ and ‘extreme Religious Right.’ ” Gary must have missed the last 30 years of the fanatical Right clawing for control of the country.  These assholes weren’t talking about advocating municipal tree planting.

The Jesunazis howled their battle cry in the 1970s, declaring war on an America that they would transform into a crushing fascist dystopia, replete with ritual burnings of homosexuals and non-Christians and anyone displaying apparent satanic tendencies or sympathies; the demolition of public schools;  suspension of the 13th and 14th Amendments; nullification of Roe vs. Wade; the dismantling of all art or music that doesn’t celebrate their interpretation of Jesus; armed religious police in every hospital to immediately execute medical staff or women who discuss or attempt contraception or abortion; the abandonment of science as devil’s entertainments; and the suspension of the constitution and its replacement with Jerry Falwell’s biography.

Of course, the psychoconservative Right saw this movement’s blood-boiling fanaticism as indicative of a crowd that would make the perfect GOP SS, a lunatic crew that could be marshaled as cheap labor in campaigns and sure votes against the satanic Center and Left. Caligutard’s own conversion to Christ, witnessed by the #1 Jesufascist, Billy Graham, was a play for this drug-addled, drunken schlong-gobbling cheerleader to appear as if he was grabbing his ankles for Jesus instead of Skull & Bones brethren and would deliver America to the Jesufascist Right to savage to their delight.

Caligutard brought them the closest to their dream. His administration wantonly invaded an Islamic nation and brought death and dismemberment to hundreds of thousands of Muslims; he railed against Roe; he established an Office of Jesus to provide loot to his most dedicated Jesufascist footsolders; he defunded science and decried it as witchcraft; he burned the constitution that protected the heathen hoards. The solid block of votes the Jesufascist Right provided allowed a psychopathic twit, holding an agenda written by the monsters Eisenhower warned us of, to drive America to the brink of cannibal anarchy.

In any civilization with any historic awareness, the Jesunazis would simply be called fucking collaborators. Is there room on the bus to The Hague?


And obviously the passage of the Stimulus Plan is good news for John McCain.

Has anyone else ever felt and heard a bullet just miss them? Seriously?

@Promnight: Some guy once put one into a tree over my head when I strayed onto his land (riding my horse, appropriately named “Target”).

I think we are ascribing too much power to Bauer. Bush and his father were the most transparent in their genuine contempt for the fundies, of all republicans, Bush and his daddy were the most transparent in their cynical transparent use of the religious right, Its very obvious that there was a sit-down between the corporate kleptocracy republicans, the military industrial complex, and the fundie whackjobs, and the Bushes decided to give the fundies the justice department and the judiciary. I am talking overt negotiations and a formal agreement.

And Bush truly did just turn it over to them, and they went nuts, with all the Liberty grads pipelining their homeschooled taliban brethren into the bureaucracy.

But that was a deal swung on a promise of electoral votes, not a measure of their real political power in the US, and not even of their agenda, at least the agenda of the rank and file evangelical, the rank and file evangelicals can be more open to social justice issues than most liberals realize. That demographic of the evangelicals voted for Obama, there are rifts, big ones, between the bought and paid for Bauers of the religious right, and the actual simple people in the pews.

No, I am not afraid of them anymore. I think there is a shift occurring in the US, about some of these dividing lines. Their attitudes are in the declining phase of the importance in US politics, I think.

@blogenfreude: Did you hear it?

I was once walking on some public land one afternoon, its an area where hunting was permitted, and I had heard some far of gunshots, then suddenly, I can’t ascribe it to one particular gunshot, I felt something “whirr” right past my head, felt like a tiny shockwave of air ruffle my hair, and heard this distinct low whirring sound.

You might be right and that the DOJ debacle could be the high water mark of the Budweiser Taliban.

The B-Taliban showed once again why fundamentalists end up failing. Viewing the world thru an ideological prism and not being that smart or aware doesn’t help.

The problem with the Dems (DLC in particular) is that they assumed the evangelicals are a monolithic group of the RW pigfuckers when they clearly aren’t.

I might not be a believer, but I do respect those who follow the actual teachings of their faith and not being control freaks.

@Promnight: Like when I get a ricochet at the range or you talking about like a direct shot (either deliberate or unknowing flying over ya head)?

Ricochet at the range:

That would be it, based on what I’ve read.

So this would be a good time or a bad time to open a Creationist Museum? I’ve been making fake fossils all week.

@redmanlaw: Hey, I don’t know, I was out walking, there were some shots, and I felt something whirr right by my head, heard it too, I always thought it was a bullet, was it? Heard it and felt it. Funny thing was, the whirring made me think, sounds like the bullert is tumbling, so does that mean it was a ricochet, or that it was a spent bullet, I was far from the shooter?

@drinkyclown: I have several nice fossils I bought, chinese limestone fish fossils, beautiful, they look just like the Darwin “fish,” I actually take them out and show them, if there are ever any anti-darwinists in the house, “hey, look at this 300 million year old fish fossil.” I have some crinoids I found myself, a piece of dinosaur bone, a big trilobite I bought, and a piece of the shell of a giant armadillo. And I have a bronze roman coin minted in 432 under some Byzantine emporer, I love my old stuff so much.

@ManchuCandidate: I am wondering if it was likely as close as I think it was; I really thought it was like an inch or 2, it ruffled my hair. I mean, I felt it, I felt the shockwave in the air, not a breeze, like someone touched me.


In Paris, hot meals are prepared on the premises of each of the city’s 270 public day care facilities. Nothing is mass produced, ingredients are more often fresh than frozen, and the chefs try to use organic products when they can. And the cost of the food is not exorbitant — only about $2 per meal per child.

Sandra Merle, a dietician for the Paris day care system, says it’s important to start young to lay the foundations for a lifetime of healthy eating.

“These lunches help children develop the potential to enjoy a proper sit-down meal with an appetizer, main plate, cheese and a dessert while taking their time in a convivial atmosphere,” she says.

My God. Won’t someone save these children from the hell of socialism??

@Original Andrew: I heard that story this morning. Couple that with the fact that I just watched Sicko this weekend and heard American expats in France talking about a 35-hour work week with minimum 5 weeks vacation, and any overtime translating directly into additional vacation time, a 24-hour housecall service to see a doctor, 6 months fully-paid leave and a free nanny who comes in twice a week to help new moms–all of this free and available to all–and it makes me want to cry. Or maybe just pack my bags. I would brave all the French insolence they can muster for a trade-off like that!

@Promnight: Nice! I’ve always loved trilobites, look someone made trilobite cookies! Which reminds me, if birds really evolved from dinosaurs then we need to get to work cloning us up some dino DNA so we can start eating them (again! Sorry couldn’t resist).

@flippin eck:
was reading my FABULOUS booklet on my new medical insurance here in israel. besides being free, they provide you with a private nurse 24/7 after surgery. refilled a few rx’s this week that would have cost me around 300. in provo (the same ones would have been 2 grand in usamerica without insurance. psycho meds are very expensive). i handed him the paper, he handed me the meds. no sheckles involved.
yay amerika.

lewis black carries fossils in his pocket in case he has the misfortune of having to shove them in some lunatics face.

@flippin eck:
hey, i’m braving suicide bombers for this!

forgot to mention i got the prescriptions from a doctor (free)
and he stamps them that i am a citizen. also rat is having 4 dental implants put in. do you know how expensive that is? they do have a co-pay for that. 12 dollars, i think.


Trilobites are my favorite extinct Arthropod, too. I wonder if they tasted as good as crabs and lobsters and shrimp ?

Re: Evolution and Fossils- I actually think the concept of deep time is more sublime and harder to get your head around than a story of guy putting it all together in a few days

@Promnight: I agree that you probably felt the crack of the pressure wave created by the bullet as it sped through the air. The whine or crack is a mini-sonic boom caused by its supersonic blight. The bullet would have been spinning straight on its long axis because of the rifling in the barrel.

Sometimes bullets do tumble in the air due to a bullet/barrel mismatch because some bullets require a different twist rate than a given barrel has and may therefore not stabilize correctly, which leads to “keyholing” (when a bullet hits a target off-axis). Bullets often tumble when they hit a soft target, thereby enhancing the creation of a wound channel.

If you’re hiking on public lands during a hunting season, I’d recommend wearing blaze orange. Responsible hunters should also avoid areas knwon for other forms of public recreation or fire in such a way so that the round does not go on to hit someone.

Off to work.

@fupduk: I have killed and dismembered horsehoe crabs, the closest thing living to a trilobite, and all I can say is that there are arthropods whose flesh appears not at all as tasty as the flesh of lobsters and shrimp.

Yeah, I forgot that trilobites aren’t crustaceans.

Horseshoe crabs are cool too. Blue blood. 540 billion years and they still haven’t figured out how to flip themselves over….

@fupduk: 540 billion years and they still haven’t figured out how to flip themselves over….

COD 2/17!

Horseshoe crabs are fascinating. There’s a wonderful episode of Nature about their symbiotic relationship with Red Knots when they’re in the middle of their crazy-long migration, and how the whole system is in danger of collapsing and sending both species down the road to extinction because the fishermen are killing all the crabs to use as cheap and easy eel bait.

Also, ever since I was little I’ve wanted to find a trilobite fossil. Of course, I haven’t actually tried lately. But even if I don’t find it til I’m 80, I have faith that there’s one out there, waiting for me. How’s that for an intersection of faith and science?

@flippin eck: If you’re ever down Kentuckiana way, there’s always the Falls of the Ohio. Despite the disclaimer, they surely wouldn’t miss one widdle itty bitty fossil.

@mellbell: Great! And as most of the sites are roadcuts anyway, it makes for a quick getaway!

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment