[via Know Your Meme]

Stinque International has learned that Denmark is planning an invasion of the Arctic just as soon as the ice melts – which should be any day now – allowing access to the vast deposits of oil and natural gas known to lie north of Greenland.

What impact this will have on Santa’s Workshop remains unclear.

Given their long history of aggression against the English – can you blame them? – will the war-loving Danes be content with just the Arctic? Or should we expect to see them leapfrogging from the Faroes to Icelend, Iceland to Greenland, Greenland to… ?

Using Leif Ericson’s colonies in Labrador and Newfoundland as staging posts will we see Denmark lay claim to Canada’s eastern seaboard? Can we then expect a pincer movement of Scandinavian hotness using Greyhound buses and Amtrak to deliver an elite team of danish commandoes into the nation’s capital just in time to derail Perry’s candidacy, institute single-payer health care, and make George Will STFU?

Isn’t it time someone saved us from ourselves?

My Red Cross radio is here! A buddy of mine who survived Katrina made me buy it. Thirty bucks on Amazon, runs off a crank or solar, will recharge a cell phone and has a flashlight! I am so ready for Irene, the bitch.

Priorities, people.

Tuna. Batteries. Gin.

Update: Cuomo has ordered a complete shutdown of all mass transit tomorrow. The Thruway and bridges into the city will be closed if winds exceed 60 mph.

Bloomberg has ordered compulsory evacuation of zone A and partial evacuation of zone B, namely the Rockaways.

I’m so glad I never ever have to go to Long Island again since my mother is no longer there. For those benighted west coasters who know no better, the Rockaways is a stretch of beach on Long Island that has become heavily built up with condo towers right on the water.

Fire Island is shut down tighter than a vicar’s sphincter. The Pines is a wasteland. Cherry Grove is fucked.

BTW. It’s pronounced eye-REEnee.

Friend of mine took this about 15 minutes ago – storm is roughly 210 miles east of her:

First an earthquake, then a hurricane, and now — the dreaded Gambian Pouched Rat:

A photo making the rounds shows Housing Authority worker Jose Rivera minutes after he speared the humongous rodent with a pitchfork at the Marcy Houses.

It’s covered in white fur and looks well-fed. It appears to be about three feet long, including its hideously dangling tail.

And Rivera, 48, says it’s not the only one. He insists that while he was filling a rat hole last week, three came running out — but he was only able to nail one.

The photo is so violent, so disturbing, so Shocking! we insist you sign a release before continuing.

Read more »

Anderson Cooper is so big, hurricanes come to him.