“I’d ask the fathers and husbands of America to consider our privacy when one summer day I found this guy on the deck of the rental property, just 18 feet away next door to us, staring like a creep at my wife while she mowed the lawn in her shorts…”

-Todd Palin, in a statement released to the press regarding author Joe McGinniss’ new book on Sarah Palin.

Which leads us to wonder… what, exactly, was “First Dude” Todd Palin doing while his wife was out mowing the lawn in hotpants? Please vote on what you consider the most likely scenario:

A) Staring at her through a peephole gouged in the wall with a mechanical pencil over a period of three days?
B) Keeping an eye on goddamn Trig, who just crapped his diapers again and Sarah just doesn’t have fucking time for his shit right now.
C) Watching “Red Shoe Diaries” on Skinemax while nursing a beer and smoking a joint.
D) Why, the dishes, of course…

In the course of background research for a recent post — always check spelling! — we discovered one of the most delightful automated interactive features we’ve stumbled across in quite some time.

Oddly, you don’t get the delightful feature for fuck, shit, cocksucker, or twat. But happily, “hornswaggle” is as great a word to know as muff.

Poontang [Dictionary.com]

“Two men are facing charges in a crime that has family members shocked. They are accused of putting their deceased friend into a car and then heading out for a night of bar hopping.” [CBS Denver]

“People close to the campaign, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said Mrs. Bachmann is often influenced by the last person she speaks with on an issue rather than maintaining discipline in communicating a message.”

-An anonymous source “close to the Michele Bachmann campaign” as cited by the New York Times.

I suppose that as long as we can ensure that the last person she speaks to before making a policy decison is sane, reasonable and well informed on the issue at hand, a Michele Bachmann presidency would work out just fine.

Our guest columnists plan on making innocuous pests of themselves starting Saturday.

Our Mission

On the 17th of September, we want to see 20,000 people to flood into lower Manhattan, set up tents, kitchens, peaceful barricades and occupy Wall Street for a few months. Once there, we shall incessantly repeat one simple demand in a plurality of voices and we will not leave until that demand has been met.

Like our brothers and sisters in Egypt, Greece, Spain, and Iceland, we plan to use the revolutionary Arab Spring tactic of mass occupation to restore democracy in America. We also encourage the use of nonviolence to achieve our ends and maximize the safety of all participants.

Who is Occupy Wall Street?

Occupy Wall Street is leaderless resistance movement with people of many colors, genders and political persuasions. The one thing we all have in common is that We Are The 99% that will no longer tolerate the greed and corruption of the 1%.

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Rick Santorum at a campaign stop demonstrating how he would blow a donkey for a reporter who asked - about 10 minutes before he figured out he was being heckled.

Brain-damaged, weasel-faced GOP presidential candidate and punch line Rick Santorum is a man of epic stupidity.

Dumb?

His pets beat him at crazy eights, so much so his wife thew out all the playing cards in the house, because Santorum complained so much about them cheating.

A brick and a stuffed animal made it onto his college’s debating team – which he was never invited to join.

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