During its rise to world-class news outlet Stinque has earned praise for its hard-hitting, take-no-holds investigative journalism… oh no, wait, that’s Mother Jones.

During its rise to world-class news outlet Stinque has earned praise for its in-depth think pieces heavy on substance and light on pic… oh no, wait, that’s The New York Review of Books.

During its rise to world-class news outlet Stinque has earned praise for its touching snapshots of dachshunds, many of them deceased, posted beside letters and poems written by grieving mommies and dad… oh no, wait, that’s The Dachshund Friendship Quarterly. (Warning: site not safe for eyes)

Today, however, Stinque goes where it smells with a series of stories too shocking to be carried by the LMS or even TPM: stories that will change the way you look at the world.

First up? Stinque discovers the shocking truth behind the Santorum ‘Candidacy’!

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Now that Sarah Palin doesn’t matter, it’s gonna be difficult to maintain interest in her, but before we shove her down the Memory Hole to join Glenn Beck (Who? Right.), let’s do one more round for old times’ sake:

“Hank Williams and what he is going through now, I think it’s a very clear illustration of a greater societal problem and that is the hypocrisy on the left — the liberals who can throw these stones at a conservative and they knowing that they’re not going to be held accountable,” Palin said on Sean Hannity’s radio show Thursday…

“It’s a one way street and we’re always walking on eggshells, aren’t we?” she said. “You know, like, oh gees, if I say that is somebody going to misinterpret it or spin it as something that is quote unquote racist or sexist or anything else? But the other side … they can say whatever they want and nobody calls them out on it. I think it’s pretty disgusting.”

Yes, well, just what did Junior say?

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In April 1946, Captain Marvel faced an evil foe who invented the most heinous gadget imaginable. Thank god that shit didn’t catch on.

Bizarro Back Issues: Captain Marvel and the Peace Ray [Comics Alliance]

Our guest columnist is Rick Perry supporter and Generals International cofounder Cindy Jacobs, praising Perry’s August prayer meeting. Generals International is devoted to “achieving societal transformation through intercession and the prophetic”.

So you go and so you study the area and you find out what happened, what did the indigenous people worship, you know?

And… and… and… if they did blood sacrifice, like, we found some areas where they were very violent because the former culture was a murderous violent… like in Texas here and all the coast around Houston and Galveston and some other areas the Native American people were cannibals, you know?

And they ate people.

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Hank Williams, Jr.: “After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run.”

[Bad Lip Reading]

“Imagine the National Football League in an alternate reality. Each player’s salary is based on how long he’s been in the league. It’s about tenure, not talent. The same scale is used for every player, no matter whether he’s an All-Pro quarterback or the last man on the roster. For every year a player’s been in this NFL, he gets a bump in pay. The only difference between Tom Brady and the worst player in the league is a few years of step increases. And if a player makes it through his third season, he can never be cut from the roster until he chooses to retire, except in the most extreme cases of misconduct.

Let’s face the truth about this alternate reality: The on-field product would steadily decline. Why bother playing harder or better and risk getting hurt.”

–Fran Tarkenton, What if the NFL Played by Teacher’s Rules?

Average Salary of a U.S. High School teacher: $43,450.00.

Average Salary of an NFL player: $1,9000,000.00

So yeah, let’s imagine, for a while, what the teaching profession would look like if we ran our schools like we run the NFL.

Let’s do that.