Reviews for “Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant – 55 Gallon”, sold for $1,495 by Amazon. Note: Includes pump.

• “The product only took a week to arrive, and got to my apartment just in time for my first real ‘date’ since the gas station incident.”
• “Nothing says romance better and is more guaranteed to get you laid than rolling out a 55 gallon drum of lube.”
• “Now I know what you’re thinking: ‘Dave why don’t you quit drinking?’ ‘Dave maybe you should ease up on the porn, the kids haven’t seen you in weeks.’ ‘My god, the cats all white and sticky.'”

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I know. We’re all exhausted from the froth spurting out of our TVs like an avalanche of fecal matter and cheap aftershave.

We thought it couldn’t get any worse.

But it has.

Mitt Romney, today:

“I believe in the Second Amendment, I’ll protect the Second Amendment, I have guns myself. Not going to tell you where they are. Don’t have them on myself either, alright.”

Mitt Romney, 2007:

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You know how outraged we all were to learn that homofascists had highjacked Rick Santorum’s own name so that when you googled it you came up with some juvenile nonsense about buttsecks? Remember?

Well, in a move totally not coordinated with the Republican Primate Race, Google has – ahem – amended its algorithm so that spreadingsantorum.com is no longer the top hit. We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. Except that…

what comes up now is WORSE!

I blame Dan Savage.

Rick Santorum reveals his battered collegehood: “There are schools, I went to one — Penn State — that’s one of the liberal icons, unfortunately it’s gotten a lot worse. I can tell you professor after professor who docked my grades because of the viewpoints I expressed and the papers that I wrote, there’s no question that happened.” [Philly.com, via @KeithOlbermann]

Our guest columnist is the American Family Association’s “One Million Moms”, suggesting text for your Outraged Email to Toys ‘R’ Us.

As a mother and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I am extremely disappointed to learn that select Toys ‘R’ Us stores are now selling ‘Archie’ comic books with a same-sex wedding displayed on the front cover. I am referring to the ones where the front cover reads “Just Married” with two men marrying, one wearing a service uniform.

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We had never heard of a Seventies Superman TV musical, and as a child of the Seventies, we doubted the veracity of this clip — until we saw Sixties Batman villain David Wayne show up as Not Lex Luthor. Poking around, we learned that it started on Broadway in 1966 — originally directed by Hal Prince, with music by Annie’s Charles Strouse. Maybe everybody owes Julie Taymor an apology.

[via Comics Alliance]