Many lives ago, we planned to write The Great American Satiric Novel, but Excellent Adventures kept distracting us — and still do. But at the heart of our Fantasy Swiftian Achievement was a line that would unlock everything, revealing the Eternal Optimist imprisoned inside our cynical fortress:

“The meaning of life is found in the faces of children, for there the world is discovered anew.”

So apparently somebody who sells expensive things we have no interest in buying posted a Naughty Tweet about Egypt the other day, which angered many people, causing him (or it, or the Assistant Director for Social Media) to apologize and delete the message.

In case you missed it, an enterprising freelance publicist attached a handsome representation of the tweet to the window of the proprietor’s San Francisco retailarium early Friday morning. And to think, we had to make do with cheap photocopies during our guerilla-satirist days.

Stay Classy, Kenneth Cole [Coilhouse, via Boing Boing]

Delightful Aftermath Photo [davitydave/Flickr]

We now return to our wall-to-wall Egypt coverage, brought to you by Halalipops! Official snack of pagan revolutions!

[WorldNetDaily]

You know you’re an American when you take an unhealthy delight in blowing shit up.

[via Daring Fireball]

It’s one thing downgrading a Disney-licensed planet to space trash. But when you start messing with people’s astrological signs, there will be movie-title references we best not use for another few days.

If you missed the news, your sign slipped a notch, catapulting you into an alternate universe for which life has left you woefully unprepared. Here we’ve spent our mortal existence as a proud, stubborn, grounded, fuck-you Taurus, and now we’re an Aries? You might as well play Watchtower and tell us we’ve always been a Cylon.

Well, you can relax. Turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Or so we’re being told. Honestly, we don’t understand the claim or the counter-claim.

Read more »

We’ve long since packed away our Na’vi gags in the Stinque Storage Unit, and really, there’s no point riffing on the Inevitable:

The ultimate alien fantasy has landed. The new Fleshlight Alien is an unworldly experience that will abduct your penis and send it spiraling through in a real milky way! Use the Alien Fleshlight while watching Hustler’s new 3D epic, “This Ain’t Avatar XXX” for the ultimate in E.T. ecstasy.

We must be out of the loop, since “This Ain’t…” seems to be a popular series of Hustler videos, including This Ain’t Glee XXX, This Ain’t I Dream of Jeannie XXX, and… and… this can’t be right…

This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX.

We don’t know about you, but the thought of Larry David, Jeff Garlin and Richard Lewis in a three-way kinda eliminates the need for a Fleshlight.

Alien Fleshlight [Oh so NSFW, via The Nerdist]

Normally we reserve this image for anniversaries of This Blogging Establishment (not to be confused with anniversaries of This Blogger, or of This Neverending Wonkette Commenter Strike — life is complicated), but seeing how we turned the odometer on 100,000 comments this week, we thought we’d dust it off for the occasion. Next time, remind us to buy a keg.