Meanwhile, back in Florida…

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Dude, it was just an Escalade. It was insured. You must have a warehouse full of them. Cut yourself some slack.

Or are you referring to something else?

Tiger comments on current events [TigerWoods.com]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i5FlC1MpkE

Suggested Super Bowl halftime set list:

• Put The Money Down
• I Like Nightmares
• We’re Not Gonna Take It
• Much Too Much

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[ Comedy Central Flash video not available. ]

In wondering what would compel someone as famously nice as Tiger Woods to total his ride in the driveway in the dead of night, we turn to Wayne Brady for an explanation.

Tiger Woods hurt in car accident in front of his Florida home [LAT]

In the alternative universe where America plays futbol, Alternate Universe President Obama would have a lot more than rogue bowing to worry about:

Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak ratcheted up the diplomatic tension with Algeria yesterday as football-related violence continued to spread across both countries. In a statement to parliament, he told cheering MPs that “Egypt will not be lax with those who harm the dignity of its sons”…

Last week Egypt recalled its envoy from Algeria after expressing its “outrage” at the treatment faced by Egyptian fans in Khartoum, where Algeria won 1-0. Despite appeals for calm by the general secretary of the Arab League, Amr Moussa, rioting has spread to both capitals. In Algiers the offices of Egypt’s national airline were destroyed, while in Cairo security forces battled with protesters trying to reach the Algerian embassy, which was reportedly hit by firebombs. Parts of the city are under police lockdown.

And all the NFL can manage is a whiny attempt to limit tailgating? This country really has gone soft.

Mubarak adds fuel to fire as football riots spread [Guardian UK]

After a year chockablock with examples of the New Racism, it’s almost quaint to see old-school haters retake the field:

The Ku Klux Klan is planning to demonstrate at the Ole Miss-LSU football game this Saturday in full robes to protest Ole Miss’s decision to stop playing “From Dixie With Love” at their football games.

“We are coming to Ole Miss to say enough is enough on attacking our Christian, southern heritage and culture, and it’s time for every person to have a right to freedom of speech,” said Shane Tate, the North Mississippi great titan for the Mississippi White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.

What speech? Turns out that in the middle of the fight song, students chant “The South will rise again.” The student council officially changed that to “To hell with LSU” — like anybody pays attention to the student council — and when fans stuck with the verboten version, the chancellor said fine, we’ll just forbid the song itself.

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There’s something heartwarming in the notion that, forty years after Woodstock, authority figures still get uptight over hair:

Dustin Reader, an eighth-grader at Garfield Middle School, received an in-school suspension Monday because of a haircut he received over the weekend in honor of the Cincinnati Bengals.

His barber, Chris Campbell of the B Street barbershop Razor Sharp, cut Bengal stripes on the sides of Reader’s head and a large capital B on the back to resemble the team’s helmet, and on Sunday, he colored his head and scalp to match for the game. The colors were washed out for school on Monday, according to his parents, but he barely got off his bicycle at Garfield when he was sent to his principal’s office.

This isn’t Dustin’s first run-in with The Man. He’s also flaunted such anti-authoritarian hair carvings as a rose, a spiral, and “LOST” — known symbols for socialism, anarchy, and crappy second seasons. Personally, we think the only solution is school uniforms and shaved heads.

For the administrators, anyway. The kids can do whatever the hell they want.

Student suspended over ‘Who Dey’ haircut? [Hamilton Journal-News]